Friday, October 15th, 2010
69

How To Stand Out As An Actor: "Just Finished Playing a Rapist"!

Not an actual rapistThis solicitation was recently received by a TV person out on the other coast. They say "leave an impression and you'll get remembered!" I suppose that works even if the impression is rather creepy. For reasons of politeness, we've obscured this actor's last name. (And to be fair, it's not like my handwriting's any good either, though it is less rapistey.) But if you're interested in hiring this young man, let us know, and we'll make contact!

69 Comments / Post A Comment

saythatscool (#101)

Me: "Hey Choire, want to help me rehearse a rape scene?"

Choire: "Ummmm, no."

Me: "That's the spirit!"

HiredGoons (#603)

The words say 'rapist' but the handwriting says 'necrophiliac.'

C_Webb (#855)

As an adjective, I prefer "rapistey" to "rapey." Gives it a sort of conquistador-y flair.

HiredGoons (#603)

I admire your rapier wit.

C_Webb (#855)

He'll need more than wit to rapier his raputation.

Miles Klee (#3,657)

Rapiest.

C_Webb (#855)

His head in the bottom pic looks like a Fisher-Price Rapist.

HiredGoons (#603)

I generally feel we have a good rapeor.

C_Webb (#855)

Rats. That was supposed to go DOWN THERE.

C_Webb (#855)

Goons, I appreciate your prompt rapelies.

such witty rapeartee.

HiredGoons (#603)

I expect raperations for my time.

Miles Klee (#3,657)

rape expectations

HiredGoons (#603)

the rapes of wrath.

Flashman (#418)

That was supposed to go DOWN THERE.
That's what she said.

TableNine (#1,104)

Your lips say "no," but his eyes say "I'll wait til the roofies kick in"

C_Webb (#855)

Nothing could rapelace y'all in my heart of hearts.

melis (#1,854)

Such a rapeacious appetite for puns.

Dan Kois (#646)

Where's the RAPE GAZE tag?

Hey, try to keep it clean here, Dan. Sheesh.

Miles Klee (#3,657)

His range includes Happy Rapist, Serious Rapist and Professional Rapist.

C_Webb (#855)

If he grew his hair, he could include Hipster Rapist.

saythatscool (#101)

If he quit trimming his eyebrows and nosehair, he could be an Italian Rapist.

HiredGoons (#603)

If he stops showering he could be a French Rapist.

C_Webb (#855)

If he wore a toga he could be an Ancient Roman Rapist. (Or an asshole at a frat party.)

saythatscool (#101)

If he got an oar and a kayak, he could be a Rapids Rapist.

C_Webb (#855)

How many rape jokes can the internet make before the Jezzies come?

HiredGoons (#603)

They know what saythatscool will do to them if they show up here.

Basement Rapist (a role made famous by STC)

saythatscool (#101)

I am tempted to make a truly tasteless joke here that would no doubt get me banhammered so hard by Choire that you would never hear from me again. I won't do it because I respect Choire and Balk and want the Awl to succeed. That said, I love you guys in this thread.

Mindpowered (#948)

Dude. This thread is tasteless. This post is tasteless. Cardboard would be a double down with fois gras, truffles and fine wine compared to the level of taste on here.

Do it.

TableNine (#1,104)

If he had a couch and charged by the hour, he could be the Therapist Rapist

C_Webb (#855)

Keep in mind that even without props/costumes, he is an "earnest and energetic" rapist!

cub (#8,033)

jezzies– are those what come out of a dazzl?

City_Dater (#2,500)

Composite Postcards: When You Want To Convey Your Ability To Wear Both a Tie AND a T-shirt!

Mindpowered (#948)

OK, I'm dying to know which one is the "Great Rapist Face".

Choire? Anyone?

I took it to mean, "this guy has a face for rape!"

C_Webb (#855)

On another note, it's much more fun if you read his signature as "Dazzl."

HiredGoons (#603)

the emotional range evident SCREAMS 'bipolar.'

keisertroll (#1,117)

Rapist? No. White collar criminal subjected to prison rape? Possibly.

HiredGoons (#603)

Pat O'Brien.

He's the rapist next door.

Rod T (#33)

In my best "Arrested Development" narrator's voice: "It was then that Darryl realized that he'd yet again confused 'the rapist' with 'therapist'."

keisertroll (#1,117)

"SWORDS FOR EIGHT HUNDRED, TREBEK."

HiredGoons (#603)

The penis mightier.

Oh it really is Friday, isn't it.

saythatscool (#101)

"THEN I'M COCK OF THE WALK!"

slow education (#3,659)

I was trying to understand why this post bothered me so much. I think it's because the joke is powerful people (an "LA TV person" and a web publisher) getting together to laugh at a not-powerful person.

saythatscool (#101)

But 30 rape jokes are just hunky dory?

slow education (#3,659)

I mean a joke is a joke and his handwriting IS funny. But for a website as interested in the torsions of power as the awl, as preoccupied with cataloging its uses and abuses, eventually there is a cake having/cake eating choice to be made. Sounds kind of familiar, actually…

Flashman (#418)

This kind of exposure is exactly how you take Hollywood and make her your bitch.

deepomega (#1,720)

@slow: or alternatively, being in a position of less power is not a talisman against things you should really know not to do. this isn't mocking spelling, or appearance, it's mocking BRAGGING ABOUT PLAYING A RAPIST.

slow education (#3,659)

@deep: that's a really fair point. We laugh at fools because they are foolish and this definitely qualifies. I mean I still think the This Un-Self-Aware-Lug-Is Wrong-And-We-Are-Right-to-Mock-Him brand humor works on carl paladino in a way it doesn't on some poor (clearly dumb) struggling actor–but obviously this was a friday afternoon throwaway post and I shouldn't be getting all hot and bothered about it. But I do notice this on the awl sometimes and I guess this time my knee jerked.

Mindpowered (#948)

I wouldn't be so sure that this is a "real thing".

The very egregiousness suggests -Staged- , in a reality TV show/Affleck-Phoenix manner.

The correct response is to heap obloquy and derision.

slow education (#3,659)

Or maybe it's just plain unreasonable to expect a website to have a coherent ethics in the way that a novel often does, or even a collectively written journal/magazine does sometimes? Or maybe a coherent ethics is not ultimately desirable and contributes to institutions like neoconservatism and the new yorker poetry section?

saythatscool (#101)

Coherent ethics also contribute to gang rape.

petejayhawk (#1,249)

Bet you're a fucking blast at parties.

slow education (#3,659)

What are these "parties" of which you speak?

slow education (#3,659)

shoulda been @pete

TableNine (#1,104)

And by "film" he means "security camera". Also? Those eyes.

He should have used his cock shot.

Frank Sinclair (#7,977)

Oh I just LOVE these "dumb actor stories." Yeah, it's so hilarious. I mean, who does things like that? I know NONE OF YOU have ever done ANYTHING like this, right?

Uh huh…yup.

You know, in my experience, people who yack about this stuff, and then pile on probably have a few skeletons like this in their closets, too.

In fact, I bet it would only take a couple of drinks for your hypocrisy to ooze out like pus from a blister.

Bittersweet (#765)

Bet you're a fucking blast at parties.

melis (#1,854)

Believe me, it's not just pus that comes oozing out after a few drinks – am I right, Other Rapists?

C_Webb (#855)

Dazzl?

Frank Sinclair (#7,977)

@melis I bet your girlfriend knows.

DigThatFunk (#2,457)

Dude…you're a fucking tool

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