Let's talk sperm! Turns out your diet may be harming your swimmers.
Experts at Harvard Medical School in the US found men who consume lots of saturated fat and monounsaturated fat may have fewer sperm.Basically, the takeaway is this: That bacon-egg-and-cheese you had for breakfast this morning? Consider it birth control!In contrast, those who eat healthier fats – specifically omega 3 and omega 6 – may have healthier sperm that is more active, the study suggests.
Saturated fat is found in processed meats such as bacon, sausages and ham, dairy and butter. Monounsaturated fat is found in items such as olive oil
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Shit. If this gonna be that kind of a party, I'm 'unna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes.
Makin' with the freak freak!
I live exclusively on a diet of fish oil, so I have sperm that can punch right through condoms. They can swim up a waterfall like spawning salmon. My sperm are so energetic that I'm worried they'll give my kids ADHD.
Your sperm are so juiced they donate themselves.
My sperm are so powerful that it's impossible for me to conceive of any less than triplets.
Your sperm count's so high, your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
The unfortunate thing is, if I get angry during sex my sperm Hulk out and double in size and strength. Try explaining that to a hospital.
My cervix is sympathy-shivering.
Not only is Gutty tender and compassionate, but he can really relate to women. Especially those who've had children -- because, like many of them them, he has stretch marks.
Gutty's belly is developing cracks, which, based on my engineering judgement, means the skin may fail and explode at any time.
"bring me a bukkit"
I wrote a song about Gutty, here: http://misterhippity.tumblr.com/post/1415723132/
Well, the beginning of one, anyway …
My iphone has an app that reminds me to keep to the rhythm method: salami sandwich, grilled cheese, eggs and bacon, etc. But then I lost it, ate a salad for lunch, and knocked up my wife. Damn.
Funny enough, I ate a bacon-egg-and-cheese this morning.
But will Gutty cuddle??? (I already know the answer is yes.)
Why is it that only men get the delicious birth control!?
Pretty sure it's harder for overweight ladies to get pregnant, too. So how great is that?
It is something I take comfort in on a regular basis!
Swallowing won't get you pregnant, and I hear that's delicious.
But honey, we don't need a condom. I use the bacon patch.
Does this mean the Hairpin ladies can just rub bacon on themselves?
CROSSOVER!
AHEM. HAVS STYLE IS POT ROAST.
I take the "Morningstar-after pill."
It's sad that vegetarians just have to stick to 5th base.
processed vegetarians are high in saturated fats.
whaaaaa
Not only do they make your sperm weak, I don't have enough energy or attractiveness to score anonymous drunk sex. You have to respect a triple-acting birth control.
First, they say bikini underpants kill sperm. Then they say it's hot tubs and heavy metals. Now you say it's the hoagie diet. Why don't you just cart off all the hair bands to death camps, you screaming sperm-o-philiacs?