Friday, September 3rd, 2010
44

You May As Well Give In To 'Hobo With A Shotgun'


BALK: Everything is going to disappear up its own asshole, isn't it?
Choire: wtf
BALK: I feel bad for Rutger Hauer.
Choire: Oh he made his bed.
BALK: That is true. And he was warned!
BALK: "Nick Randall is played by Rutger Hauer, who will run his career into the ground by taking more such roles. Mr. Hauer, who is Dutch, has improved his American accent to the point where it sounds innocuously flat and seems to be emanating from somewhere other than his body, but in any case there is little for him to say. He is required mostly to shoot and sneer, and he does this in a wearily one-note way. 'He's the best there is at a job he hates,; say the posters for this film. If he doesn't care, why should we?"
Choire: HAHAHAHA
BALK: http://www.nytimes.com/1987/01/16/movies/screen-a-tv-spinoff-wanted-dead-or-alive.html
BALK: 1987, dude.
Choire: Still, this will do very well. after "Machete" rules the box office this weekend.
Choire: Regarding which
Choire: CAN'T FUCKING WAIT
BALK: I pre-ordered!

44 Comments / Post A Comment

Art Yucko (#1,321)

animated GIFs galore.

Screen Name (#2,416)

I blame Eldon Tyrell for this.

sigerson (#179)

I've seen things you people wouldn't understand:

attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.

I've seen C-beams glitter in the dark by the Tanhauser Gate.

All those…
moments…
will be lost…
like tears…
in the rain.

Tully Mills (#6,486)

Time to die.

ow that hurt (#3,919)

all I can say is:

" I've been to Paradise, but I've Never Been to Me"

ow that hurt (#3,919)

yah, and

" I've been to Paradise, but I've Never Been to Me"

ow that hurt (#3,919)

hey! they rejected my comment as a duplicate, and then posted it twice!

boy I look stupid now!

Let me just take this opportunity to mention that having stayed in Mexico,
and having STILL not left (who has 6 grand to move back to the States?)
I would like to say that in light of the recent piles and piles of bodies here, found without hands, and fingers and heads…. who wants to guess that the MACHETE is the operative tool here… and it's not going to end, and so
this film is
probably too creepy for me to see, unless of course I am out of here and back in 'absolutely' crime-free LA…

O/T but I know some guys here in the mountains of central mexico
who carry a machete stuffed down their pants.. how is that possible?

Can you not sit in a car or bend over to tie your shoes without cutting your
leg arteries? (or cutting your balls off? the machetes here are SHARP).

But there it is, he pulls it out, and my god, it's two feet long, and…
still, it's a KNIFE, not a PENIS.

well, I'd prefer a shiv made from an Afro comb, or a solar Taser made from
somebody on Boing Boing,com (have they made one yet?

one wonders if you just carried around the capacitor from an old color TV..
that is enough to disable anyone.. and we all can find an old color tv
to cannibalize.. in the new world. On the streets.. those things are loaded with stored voltage.. mess with them at your peril! And then take them to a demonstration…

now what was I talking about?

joeclark (#651)

Prematurely-grey silver foxlet James White - in Halifax! - designed the logotype.

KarenUhOh (#19)

For Charles Bronson's Small Intestine

Joe Berkowitz (#5,534)

I remember Rutger Hauer in this movie called Blind Fury, wherein he played a blind dude who was furious.

Joe Berkowitz (#5,534)

Haha, just looked this up on IMDB–the tagline to Blind Fury actually is "He may be blind but he don't need no dog."

Scum (#1,847)

Actually contrary to the title Hauer was quite calm and zen like in that movie. He still killed a lot people though so I wasnt too mad.

LondonLee (#922)

With that title this could be the new 'Snakes On A Plane'.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Which is to say, the new 'S*&^ my Dad Says.'

Internets, you are good for many things, but crowdsourcing greenlightable projects perhaps not so much?

Flashman (#418)

They were just filming this a little while ago around where I live in Halifax. It was weird to see Rutger Hauer down on skid row, Grottingen Street, right across from the Sally Ann. If you didn't know him from such films as Flesh and Blood and Blade Runner he would have just looked like another down and out panhandler, with a shotgun

Annie K. (#3,563)

Rutger Hauer came to our neighborhood picnic one time and he was gracious from his lofty heights to us earthlings, but I still didn't like him one bit.

LondonLee (#922)

I once saw him having a drink in a bar in Soho (the London one) back in the 80s. That's when he was doing tv ads for Guinness and didn't have to panhandle in b-movies.

djfreshie (#875)

@Flashman: Question – Is that TPB Ricky's head that gets decapitated via sewer-grate-car-pull? PLEASE CONFIRM!!

Flashman (#418)

Sure looks like it! I think Mike Klattenberg (TPB producer…sp?) was involved with this movie too.

Liquid (#546)

I gratefully missed seeing any of the shooting.
What kind of bothers me is how Jason Eisner is now being treated like a revered filmmaker, because he happened to come up with something gory and trite enough to win funding to make this from Tarantino.
(Sorry, kind of bitchy. I have a show opening tonight, and it puts me on edge…)

djfreshie (#875)

@ Flashman. It sounds like him too.

keisertroll (#1,117)

I feel sorry for David Brunt. BUT THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME.

saythatscool (#101)

I still insist I came up with the title and concept for this movie in 1991 at an NYU bar.

Abe Sauer (#148)

One really must see the fake trailer that became so popular it actually turned into the film above.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKd0JRCZi9I

Just like Machete!

mathnet (#27)

Oh. my.

Matt (#26)

I would just like to take this opportunity to, as ever, reiterate the point that Death Proof is, indeed, the best Tarantino that is not Jackie Brown, which is the best movie that is not Batman Returns. Thank you.

Moff (#28)

Raiders of the Lost Ark is better than Batman Returns, but I am terribly glad to see someone else sticking up for Death Proof.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

#26, #27, and #28 in the same thread.

Moff (#28)

If you're lucky, we'll form Voltron.

If you're unlucky, they'll form the Commenter Centipede.

deepomega (#1,720)

YES. Death Proof is the best by far! It's not just a pastiche of tropes, it's a deconstruction of a genre! I almost broke up with all of my friends in college over this argument when we saw Grindhouse.

Moff (#28)

I hope it ends up on "Great Feminist Movies" lists, but I suppose maybe it won't.

It sure ought to, though.

Matt (#26)

Batman Returns is totally on that list!! And yes, deep, I too had (still have!) issues with certain of my friends in the wake of the Grindhouse combo.

God. Only a bad Rodriguez movie could make me not care about Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis is even good in M. Night Shyamalan movies.

Abe Sauer (#148)

There's a good Rodriguez movie?

Moff (#28)

@Abe: You haven't seen Spy Kids?

deepomega (#1,720)

El Mariachi is great. Sin City is decent. Um. That's all I've got.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Finally, love for Rodriguez's work for youth.

Moff (#28)

It's got a 93% on Rotten Tomatoes!

Abe Sauer (#148)

Danny Trejo was, as usual, the best thing about Spy Kids, which was really just a full length version of one of those booths you can visit at the park where ids jump up and down in front of a green screen and then $25 later you get a family DVD of them in all these crazy scenarios.

El Mariachi was decent. I think I disregard it due to the terrible remake that was Desperado and its saved-only-by-Depp sequel Once Upon a Time.

Sin City was visually thrilling at the time but as a plotted film it was empty. And the way the dialogue was nearly unlistenable (yes, I know it was a comic book). I actually think his most watchable movie is Dusk Til Dawn if only because you get to see Tarantino get offed and, beside El Mariachi, it contains bascially all the building blocks he uses for all his other original films, like the gun toting man of god.

Rw (#1,458)

Here Here on Death Proof.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

I don't remember this board game.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

You may have played it as "Mousetrap."

Saying that Rutger stars in B-movies is kind of a little insulting to B-movies, no?

KarlLaFong (#3,568)

I get him mixed up w/ Wings Hauser

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