I'm Not Even Going To Fight Willow Smith
I'm a little obsessed/afraid of Willow Smith! Yes, she is 9, and she has a hot single and it's… sort of appealing? She did Ryan Seacrest's show this morning and it was kind of awesome? This feels weird because I don't like rich progeny and the easy jump-off and Will Smith, I've never been a fan-but listen we just have to accept this and roll with it. (Also she is very smart and for a 9-year-old, incredibly well-spoken. And NO, I actually did not just call her "articulate.") Listen. YOU CANNOT FIGHT THE FUTURE. Just let Willow be Willow. Points of view: "Lyrically, there's mention of getting one's 'swag on' and 'just tryin' have fun so keep the party jumpin'.' We're assuming that's jumping up and down on a bouncy castle with all your other nine-year-old friends buzzing off too much Dr Pepper, right?" Yes, sure. Other points of view: "I love it. I love whipping my dog's ears back and forth to the beat. I love the 34-year-old session singer who's playing the part of 'Willow Smith.'"
I'm still holding out for Alfonsolow Ribiero to hit it big.
Ugh, Michael Cragg! The kids say "swag"! If adults are saying it, they picked it up from tweens/teens! It's a good word and I like it! Stop making it creepy!
Right! last time I checked swag is swagger and yeah some kids have swagger, especially when they're rich.
Sadly, it appears the Scientologists have gotten hold of Choire. Probably via Cat.
Dammit, I knew Choirentology was too good to be true. I'm keeping my E-Meter/Gaydar Detector, though.
Eh. Call me when she's a dolphin veterinarian at the Havana aquarium.
Nuke The Whales
Yes, but what's her score on the Divameter?
Three and one half exclamation points!!!'
Wait, is that a high or a low score. I'm used to circles of various colors.
Also, small point, but that looks like 3 and a quarter exclamation points.
…and now I'm pissed. I totally had that haircut when I was 9. I never got to auto-tune a single out of it.
On one hand this makes me angry. On the other hand I've now attained crotchety old man status. A life goal since I turned 12.
Do I have to thank Willow when I write my Great American Novel on the subject of crotchetyness and oldness?
Likewise how my rat tail circa 1992 gave me false hopes of becoming Miley Cyrus.
I am concerned with the rate by which we are consuming youth. Kurt Cobain was ahead of his time.
SHE'S TOO YOUNG TO SMELL LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
"In Utero" is where we head…it's like Benjamin Button, or as Father Guido Sarducci said, "you just go back."
Add that to the list of haircuts I didn't get when I had the chance but didn't know I
wantedneeded.Pick up that phone and MAKE THAT FUCKING APPOINTMENT!
Not confident my graying tresses can pull it off? In spite of paying no attention to them haters, I just don't know. In the mean time, I whip my hair back and forth (repeat).
That's what hair dye is for. NOW GET TO IT!
I, for one, am still fighting it.
HOLD, MEN! HOOLLLDDD!
When a problem comes along,
You must whip your hair back and forth…
Don't waste too much excitement on this one in particular: the Pinkett-Smiths have a whole bunch of kids and apparently ever single one of 'em is heading out to work before age 12.
It's kinda sad in an industrial-revolution-send-the-kids-into-the-mines sorta way. I mean are they really that hard up for cash their 9 year old needs a hit single?
Listening to this song is making me miss Lil Mama.
Which is not to say I dislike it!
So how would you describe your lip gloss?
I'm just impressed they could do the reverse-sex parental nameage so naturally. My hypothetical spawn would be named Mollo.