Thursday, September 9th, 2010
27

I'm Not Even Going To Fight Willow Smith

GIRRRLLLLI'm a little obsessed/afraid of Willow Smith! Yes, she is 9, and she has a hot single and it's… sort of appealing? She did Ryan Seacrest's show this morning and it was kind of awesome? This feels weird because I don't like rich progeny and the easy jump-off and Will Smith, I've never been a fan-but listen we just have to accept this and roll with it. (Also she is very smart and for a 9-year-old, incredibly well-spoken. And NO, I actually did not just call her "articulate.") Listen. YOU CANNOT FIGHT THE FUTURE. Just let Willow be Willow. Points of view: "Lyrically, there's mention of getting one's 'swag on' and 'just tryin' have fun so keep the party jumpin'.' We're assuming that's jumping up and down on a bouncy castle with all your other nine-year-old friends buzzing off too much Dr Pepper, right?" Yes, sure. Other points of view: "I love it. I love whipping my dog's ears back and forth to the beat. I love the 34-year-old session singer who's playing the part of 'Willow Smith.'"

27 Comments / Post A Comment

keisertroll (#1,117)

I'm still holding out for Alfonsolow Ribiero to hit it big.

MikeBarthel (#1,884)

Ugh, Michael Cragg! The kids say "swag"! If adults are saying it, they picked it up from tweens/teens! It's a good word and I like it! Stop making it creepy!

Rw (#1,458)

Right! last time I checked swag is swagger and yeah some kids have swagger, especially when they're rich.

petejayhawk (#1,249)

Sadly, it appears the Scientologists have gotten hold of Choire. Probably via Cat.

keisertroll (#1,117)

Dammit, I knew Choirentology was too good to be true. I'm keeping my E-Meter/Gaydar Detector, though.

Dave Bry (#422)

Eh. Call me when she's a dolphin veterinarian at the Havana aquarium.

keisertroll (#1,117)

Nuke The Whales

kneetoe (#1,881)

Yes, but what's her score on the Divameter?

Tuna Surprise (#573)

Three and one half exclamation points!!!'

kneetoe (#1,881)

Wait, is that a high or a low score. I'm used to circles of various colors.

Also, small point, but that looks like 3 and a quarter exclamation points.

theheckle (#621)

…and now I'm pissed. I totally had that haircut when I was 9. I never got to auto-tune a single out of it.

On one hand this makes me angry. On the other hand I've now attained crotchety old man status. A life goal since I turned 12.

Do I have to thank Willow when I write my Great American Novel on the subject of crotchetyness and oldness?

keisertroll (#1,117)

Likewise how my rat tail circa 1992 gave me false hopes of becoming Miley Cyrus.

dado (#102)

I am concerned with the rate by which we are consuming youth. Kurt Cobain was ahead of his time.

keisertroll (#1,117)

SHE'S TOO YOUNG TO SMELL LIKE TEEN SPIRIT

dado (#102)

"In Utero" is where we head…it's like Benjamin Button, or as Father Guido Sarducci said, "you just go back."

garge (#736)

Add that to the list of haircuts I didn't get when I had the chance but didn't know I wanted needed.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Pick up that phone and MAKE THAT FUCKING APPOINTMENT!

garge (#736)

Not confident my graying tresses can pull it off? In spite of paying no attention to them haters, I just don't know. In the mean time, I whip my hair back and forth (repeat).

Bittersweet (#765)

That's what hair dye is for. NOW GET TO IT!

ayellis (#6,131)

I, for one, am still fighting it.

HOLD, MEN! HOOLLLDDD!

Slava (#216)

When a problem comes along,
You must whip your hair back and forth…

City_Dater (#2,500)

Don't waste too much excitement on this one in particular: the Pinkett-Smiths have a whole bunch of kids and apparently ever single one of 'em is heading out to work before age 12.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

It's kinda sad in an industrial-revolution-send-the-kids-into-the-mines sorta way. I mean are they really that hard up for cash their 9 year old needs a hit single?

Listening to this song is making me miss Lil Mama.

Which is not to say I dislike it!

deepomega (#1,720)

So how would you describe your lip gloss?

MollyculeTheory (#4,519)

I'm just impressed they could do the reverse-sex parental nameage so naturally. My hypothetical spawn would be named Mollo.

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