I have spent the morning in a shameful frenzy over the state of Ellen Pompeo’s feet. I cannot explain why—toes don’t really do it for me, and I’m sure Ellen Pompeo is a very nice person who is very good on her show, but she doesn’t really do it for me either—except to blame it on the fever trance of the Internet. The cause of my ruination was this Daily Mail article, which suggests that all is not as it should be in Pompeo’s pumps.
Grey’s Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo was out and about in Los Feliz, California yesterday and her open toe sandals showed off her rather unique feet. The 40-year-old actress appears to have a little extra than the regular person when it comes to the toe department – with six toes on either foot.
The article is accompanied by a photograph of Pompeo perambulating, along with two blurry, enlarged shots of her feet which, viewed from a certain light, do suggest that perhaps she’s packing an extra piggy. But could that really be that case? I was deeply suspicious. I consulted several colleagues, who were less skeptical.
“I don’t know, I’m seeing six in the pic on the right for sure,” said one.
“Count ’em up, dude, six toes,” said another.
“You’re still on the toe thing? asfklaslfhasf JUST WRITE THIS POST ALREADY!” an exasperated third replied.
But my research was nowhere near done. A troubling note of doubt came in when it was pointed out that Pompeo’s footular oddity was referenced on her Wikipedia page. Was it true? Was this more than just a Daily Mail hack job? I clicked over to her entry on the site and there it was, a plain as the toes on your feet:
Pompeo has polydactyly, having six toes on each foot.
The journey was over. The Mail was right. Ellen Pompeo has six toes on each foot.
Or does she?
I dejectedly clicked through the citation to find the ultimate proof that would shatter my belief that we live in a world where Ellen Pompeo has the normal allotment of podial appendages. As it happens, the source for the six-toed assertion turned out to be… wait for it… the very Daily Mail piece that suggested her extravagance of foot fingers in the first place.
Someone out there wanted me to think that Ellen Pompeo had six toes, but they didn’t understand that I wasn’t going to give up that easy. Not with Google on my side.
I’ve been to some dark places in my time, and I’ve learned some things that no man should ever know, but what I found when I started searching for “ellen pompeo barefoot toes” rocked me to my core. I’ve seen images that even the filthiest fetishists would vomit at. If the government ever searches my computer I’m sure there are now pictures in it that will get me sent to prison. For life.
But I also found wikiFeet, “a free collaborative site featuring Celebrity-Feet pictures. It is Probably the largest celebrity feet database EVER!!”
(I’ll give you a moment.)
Or does she?
Photos, as we all know, can be altered. Nothing you see in this world, particularly on the Internet, is exactly what it seems. And that leaves me stuck in a state of uncertainty about the feet of woman in whom I would otherwise have no interest. I am unsure how I will ever resolve this. (Maybe someone can put me in touch with the guy who made Jen Aniston’s vagina? He seems to know what he’s doing.) My life has been changed forever, all because of a spare toe. I feel defeated.