Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

I Was Ruined By Ellen Pompeo's Toes

A picture of Ellen Pompeo from Wikipedia. An article about the 'Gray's Anatomy' star sent your blogger down a horrible rabbit hole from which he may never fully emerge. I have spent the morning in a shameful frenzy over the state of Ellen Pompeo's feet. I cannot explain why-toes don't really do it for me, and I'm sure Ellen Pompeo is a very nice person who is very good on her show, but she doesn't really do it for me either-except to blame it on the fever trance of the Internet. The cause of my ruination was this Daily Mail article, which suggests that all is not as it should be in Pompeo's pumps.

Grey's Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo was out and about in Los Feliz, California yesterday and her open toe sandals showed off her rather unique feet. The 40-year-old actress appears to have a little extra than the regular person when it comes to the toe department – with six toes on either foot.

The article is accompanied by a photograph of Pompeo perambulating, along with two blurry, enlarged shots of her feet which, viewed from a certain light, do suggest that perhaps she's packing an extra piggy. But could that really be that case? I was deeply suspicious. I consulted several colleagues, who were less skeptical.

"I don't know, I'm seeing six in the pic on the right for sure," said one.

"Count 'em up, dude, six toes," said another.

"You're still on the toe thing? asfklaslfhasf JUST WRITE THIS POST ALREADY!" an exasperated third replied.

But my research was nowhere near done. A troubling note of doubt came in when it was pointed out that Pompeo's footular oddity was referenced on her Wikipedia page. Was it true? Was this more than just a Daily Mail hack job? I clicked over to her entry on the site and there it was, a plain as the toes on your feet:

Pompeo has polydactyly, having six toes on each foot.[5]

The journey was over. The Mail was right. Ellen Pompeo has six toes on each foot.

Or does she?

I dejectedly clicked through the citation to find the ultimate proof that would shatter my belief that we live in a world where Ellen Pompeo has the normal allotment of podial appendages. As it happens, the source for the six-toed assertion turned out to be… wait for it… the very Daily Mail piece that suggested her extravagance of foot fingers in the first place.

Someone out there wanted me to think that Ellen Pompeo had six toes, but they didn't understand that I wasn't going to give up that easy. Not with Google on my side.

I've been to some dark places in my time, and I've learned some things that no man should ever know, but what I found when I started searching for "ellen pompeo barefoot toes" rocked me to my core. I've seen images that even the filthiest fetishists would vomit at. If the government ever searches my computer I'm sure there are now pictures in it that will get me sent to prison. For life.

But I also found wikiFeet, "a free collaborative site featuring Celebrity-Feet pictures. It is Probably the largest celebrity feet database EVER!!"

(I'll give you a moment.)

Did wikiFeet have an Ellen Pompeo page? Did it ever. And among the photos was the proof I had been searching for. Ellen Pompeo has five toes on each foot.

Or does she?

Photos, as we all know, can be altered. Nothing you see in this world, particularly on the Internet, is exactly what it seems. And that leaves me stuck in a state of uncertainty about the feet of woman in whom I would otherwise have no interest. I am unsure how I will ever resolve this. (Maybe someone can put me in touch with the guy who made Jen Aniston's vag? He seems to know what he's doing.) My life has been changed forever, all because of a spare toe. I feel defeated.

21 Comments / Post A Comment

mathnet (#27)


KarenUhOh (#19)

All six of 'em.

mathnet (#27)

Is "ick" the appropriate response to that?

Six toes or no, those are not very attractive feet.
My own intrepid sleuthing seems to indicate 5 toes, too, though.

Thanks for introducing me to WikiFeet, Balk!

Wooops! Tag close fail. Sorries!

garge (#736)

I am not going to bore you with the details, because they would require their own wikiesque database or a 3-dimensional graphing mechanism. What I will tell you is this: I have been getting continuously interrupted at work for the past 26 minutes that I have been dying to consume the content of this post, and now I know what "blue balls" means.


gumplr (#66)

Publisher Exasperated Third
David Cho

Art Yucko (#1,321)

internet will defeat you. every time, without fail.

KarenUhOh (#19)

The Fall of Pompeo's Arches

My aunt has this! You don't notice it at first but then after 3-4 glances, you realize something is off. And then your 8 yr old self realizes she's wiggling it to confirm that yes, you have freaky genes in the family.

KarenUhOh (#19)

"Of course, I love you, Ellen! I'm your publicist!! Now, come down from that tree."

NominaStultorum (#1,638)

I appreciate the statement allowing that wikiFeet (which I, being at work, have not clicked through to) is "Probably" the largest celebrity feet database (with a capital P). Because we cannot rule out the possibility, slim may it be, that some reclusive individual has, against all odds, amassed a private archive dwarfing the combined efforts of the entire wikiFeet community.

I imagine its existence must be both their greatest fear and most secret hope.

gumplr (#66)

Quite a feat, in any case.

NominaStultorum (#1,638)

You're so arch. Now get outta here, shoe.

And to the wikiFeet community, I apologize if I've offended any of you. But it's like I always say: Love a sinner, moccasin.

i'm pretty sure this was mentioned yesterday on if enty says she has six toes, then she does. what does that mean for toe ring placement?

Patrick M (#404)

I'm reading Georges Perec's "The Toering Inferno" and will let you know.

MollyculeTheory (#4,519)

It is so sad that I spent much more time poring over Ellen Pompeo's toe-pictures than the Italian drawings pictures at the Met. But I mean, different pencil sketches of putti all look the same amirite? Piggies are another matter.

And I think she does have unilateral posterior polydactyly (read: omg weeny sixth toe on her left foot eee!)

Patrick M (#404)

According to her IMDB page, Ellen Pompeo grows an addition toe every time they hire a younger actress.

I worked with a guy from India who had 6 toes on each foot AND 6 fingers on each hand. The extra fingers were non-functioning, mostly just hung out next to the pinkies.

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