Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
19

Google Unveils This Week's New Thing

If THEY don't know about it I certainly don'tGoogle today announced "Google Instant Search," a new feature which allows users to do, I dunno, something? It's faster? Or it predicts what you're going to type? Maybe it reaches through the screen and gently caresses the back of your hand while saying, "There, there, everything's going to be fine. Shhh, it's okay," in quiet, soothing tones, because I could really use that right now. I have no idea! Google lost me around Wave (remember that?) and ever since then I've just been in a fog of confusion and indifference. I can make cellphone calls from my Gmail inbox? Okay! There's a new priority system that tells me what mail I need to read before I've opened it? Sure! Whatever you say, Google! When we are all toiling in the mines as part of the Google Serf program I'm sure we will still appreciate these few years of technological innovations. If only I understood what the hell they were.

19 Comments / Post A Comment

I seriously, profoundly hate it.

And that's all the bitching I will do because I just noticed you can turn if off (link to the right of the search bar once you try searching for something).

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON. BUZZ AND WAVE DID ME IN.

WTF.

jolie (#16)

Seeeeeeriously. Doesn't google already predict what you're going to type??

"Our key technical insight was that people type slowly, but read quickly."

GOOGLE KNOWS THAT IN THE FUTURE NO ONE WILL BE TYPING.

saythatscool (#101)

Guess what I'm thinking right now Choire.

deepomega (#1,720)

Bolstering my time travel theory!

Come with Google if you want to live.

kneetoe (#1,881)

I find Google is a great tool for looking up things that I should really already know. Will I still be able to do that?

Miles Klee (#3,657)

Yes but now Google will know that you should have known the thing you are looking up and judge you accordingly.

PrettyPretty (#7,360)

then alert your house/work on google maps so everybody else knows too.

wb (#2,214)

"Feelings of euphoria and weightlessness are normal. Do not be alarmed."

Can we have Alta Vista back now please?

deepomega (#1,720)

I think this is just their predictive search thing… but instead of just filling in your search bar it starts pulling down results?

Either that, or it's a time machine that sends search results to you from the future.

kneetoe (#1,881)

"Google Instant can save 2-5 seconds per search."

Wow, that's anywhere from 0 to 20 seconds a day! I feel the weight lifting (except for what Miles said above–I hate being thought poorly of).

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

Brilliant.

A buddy of mine was going on about Google Instant while we were out drinking tonight. I glassed him. Problem solved.

garge (#736)

This is perfect, because the time I spent entering text into the Google search toolbar was lacking panic attack symptoms before. I hope the v.2.0 has audio.

Seriously! All I could think was this is going to give me a seizure like those Japanese cartoons did! (Well, not to me specifically, but you know what I mean.) I actually have to do a lot of google searching for my job so in theory this might save me more time than it would the average person, but you know what? I'll sacrifice a few minutes a day to not have to feel like I want to punch my computer.

Chill out, everybody. Anyone and everyone with a Ph.D. in systems engineering should understand what Google Instant is supposed to do.

More or less, anyways.

skizdi (#609)

Well, I actually really like it and think it's smart and wonderful.

But I also use Buzz, so I guess this all just makes me somehow MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE.

p is for pee (#900)

No, dear. But keep dreaming, right? Someday, sweetie, you will finally be MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE.

miette (#2,704)

It also gets stumped when you swear it, as I, in an ineluctable display of maturity, introduced myself to it with a search for FUCK THIS.

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