Dear Kathleen Parker: Welcome to New York City!

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Congrats on moving to our town for your job working with Eliot Spitzer. (Good luck and be careful!) I’m sorry that you think that New York City is Communist China, which is something you literally just wrote in the Washington Post! And I’m sorry you see signs of “government management” of our lives everywhere, which, are you talking about those bossy crosswalks and weird fences on the corners where you can’t cross? Because those were all Giuliani. And it is true that you can’t get a good mass market donut here. So now that you’ve LIVED IN NEW YORK CITY now “FOR A FEW WEEKS” and you DON’T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE, maybe you should move to Westchester before you have a chance to figure out what you’re talking about, you Non-New Yorkey Beltway Outsider™? Guess what, my friend: you can’t get a good Krispy Kreme donut in New York City BECAUSE OF THE FREE MARKET, not because of Mayor Bloomberg’s war against trans fats. The last Krispy Kreme franchisee WENT BANKRUPT.

It’s fine, ma’am. It’s a story we’re used to. A person moves to New York City and chafes against the injustice of things they have made up and don’t understand! I mean, we hear it from the 23-year-old Ivy grads every day already.