This article is headlined "Why Getting Old Means Drinking Less," but I think that's a remarkably pessimistic way of looking at things. Consider:
The National Institutes of Health's Senior Health Web site today issued new warnings about alcohol and aging, reminding people 65 and older that even a few drinks can hit them harder than in their youth.As someone who dreads each passing day not only for what it will bring but because of the terrible accretion of painful memories and poor choices, I have to say that this is a ray of hope that makes me marginally less desirous of a swift passing. I mean, couldn't we really just call this piece "Why Getting Old Means Spending Less To Get Drunk More Quickly?" Why accentuate the negative?The reason is that older people metabolize alcohol more slowly, and they also have less water in their bodies. The result is that an adult who consumes just a few glasses of wine will have a higher percentage of alcohol in his or her blood than a younger person drinking the same thing. That's why you may start feeling tipsy sooner after consuming alcohol, even if your drinking habits are the same as always.
I didn't know old people had less water in their bodies. Is that because they pee all the time?
It's because they are having more sex than all of us combined
They are what they eat (prunes).
Because the alcohol has dehydrated them.
Who needs water when you're leeching off society?
Because their apartment thermostats are locked in at 95 degrees.
For me at least, science has just rescued social security.
And if you're lucky enough that your economic situation hasn't reduced you to eating cat food, you can use the money saved by drinking less to get classier liquor! This shit is win-win. Unless you end up eating cat food chased with Dobra; then you're at a single win at best.
a win's a win *takes spoonful of cat food*
Senior discount indeed.
The Mortlach bottle resembles various perfume bottles. Which is stupid, but I'll splash a little on myself anyway. It's like Axe, only this time you've really fucking made it.
I had a college roommate who was tiny and could get drunk after ingesting like two drinks. I hated her for it.
But if SCIENCE is telling me I'll have the ability to get drunk on the cheap later on in life, I will wait my turn.
This will not be cool for your grandchildren who will have to (literally, sometimes) carry your drunk ass out of the country club after you've had your three Absolut-on-the-rocks-with-a-twist and are no longer able to walk without significant assistance, if at all.
Or so I would imagine.
But hey, if you're already in a wheelchair...
But with so much less water in your body, an eight-year-old should be able to handle it.