"Like Eating Fridge Magnets": A Journey To Pop-Tarts World

THIS PICTURE IS ALMOST AS GOOD AS POP-TARTS WORLDMary HK Choi: SO DAVID CHO.
David Cho: Yes?
MHKC: We had a fascinating evening last night didn’t we?
DC: : Stop burying the lede.
MHKC: Ahahahah
DC: Let’s talk Pop-Tarts Toaster Pastries.
MHKC: OMGAWG HOW AMAZiNG WAS POP-TARTS Toaster Pastries WORLD?

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

DC: What is your past history with Pop-Tarts Toaster Pastries?
MHKC: Well, I deliberately never ate Toaster Strudel because i was a Pop-Tarts loyalist
MHKC: I enjoy them immensely.
MHKC: But I did, admittedly, stop eating them with regularity when I graduated college.
DC: What is your favorite flavor?
MHKC: S’mores.
DC: ME TOO.
MHKC: Because it is DELiCiOUS
MHKC: That’s the thing
MHKC: AND I always eat one toasted
MHKC: And the other cold
DC: That’s just weird.
MHKC: AND I think it’s excellent for morale that there are two to a packet
MHKC: It’s like Twix
MHKC: Another excellent foodstuff
DC: I think the reason that S’more Pop Tarts are the best tasting ones, is because it is the least contrived of all the Pop-Tarts.
MHKC: Contrived is an interesting word.
DC: So like, all the flavors in a S’more Pop-Tart are like, exactly what they should be.
DC: In a grape Pop-Tart or a blueberry Pop-Tart, there’s no real grape or blueberry in there.
DC: Or if there is, it’s really limited.
MHKC: Exactly.
MHKC: I think it helps that it isn’t like some facsimile of a food that exists in life
MHKC: OR they have to stabalize it in some form.
DC: In a S’more Pop-Tart it’s like, chocolate, marshmallow, and graham cracker.
DC: That’s just straight up what it is.
MHKC: YES.
MHKC: And it’s riddled with preservatives and artificialness in its “natural” state.
MHKC: Less variables
DC: And the execution is more on point than it would be even if you were trying to make it at a campfire.
DC: Has anyone ever made a really good S’more at a campfire?
DC: Like, toasting a marshmallow is hard!
MHKC: Well
MHKC: I have
DC: Shut up.
DC: No you haven’t.
MHKC: But i don’t use pedestrian ingredients
MHKC: I use marshmallows and Petit Ecolier cookies
MHKC: It’s unorthodox
MHKC: But it’s absolutely retarded tasty
DC: I mean, regardless of the composition.
DC: Toasting a marshmallow is legitimately really hard!
DC: And you have to be really patient.
MHKC: Yes.
MHKC: It’s like smoking meat.
MHKC: Low.
MHKC: Slow.
MHKC: Rotation is also key.
DC: I DON’T HAVE TIME TO HOLD A MARSHMALLOW ABOVE AMBERS FOR 5 MiNUTES!
DC: GIMME A S’MORE!
DC: OH, HELLO, POP-TART.
MHKC: Oh david
MHKC: How Millennial
DC: ANYWAYS
DC: Onto the store!
DC: /World!
MHKC: YES

THE VARIETIZER

WHAT WILL MARY HK CHOOSE?DC: So let’s talk about the Varietizer!
MHKC: So the Varietizer allows you to create a 12 count box of any flavor you like in packages of two
MHKC: And it looks like a MONDO big vending machine basically
DC: What did you think?
MHKC: I think it’s attractive. But then again i would since everything in that store looks like a Trapper Keeper and i enjoy that immensely
DC: The store looks like Lisa Frank threw up everywhere, but in a good way.
MHKC: Absolutely
MHKC: MAN LISA FRANK IS AMAZiNG AND IT IS SO SAD THAT HER EMPIRE iS ALL FAKAKTA AFTER HER DiVORCE.
DC: Focus.
DC: What did you put in your box?
DC: (LOL!)
MHKC: LOL
MHKC: What did i put in my box?
MHKC: Well, we consulted a great many people
MHKC: Asked some hard-hitting questions
MHKC: Really analyzed the flavors
DC: Wait
DC: Sidebar
MHKC: Yes?
DC: Can we talk about how you were grilling the guy who was showing us around?
DC: “What sort of blanks are these shirts on?”
DC: “How did you pick the employees who worked in the store?”
DC: “Etc. etc.”
MHKC: Well, I knew it would be our only shot to get some face time with the big guns (the brand manager for Pop-Tarts’ parent company)!
MHKC: I wanted to know how deeply involved he was in the process!
MHKC: These details are HUGE for the overall user experience
DC: He answered all your questions!
DC: Kudos to Andy!
MHKC: Oh totally
MHKC: In fact not only did he answer all my questions, he answered them quickly
MHKC: I think he appreciated the chance to flex a little
DC: I took some notes and one of the things i wrote was: “Mary was sort of aggro w this guy”
MHKC: I wasn’t aggro at all
MHKC: That’s inaccurate!
MHKC: People aren’t aggro at PTW
DC: Shrug, i just call it like i see it
MHKC: i wanted some answers
DC: You didn’t let yourself go at Pop-Tart World
DC: You were so nervous to let them in.
MHKC: You don’t think it’s important to know that they’re not cutting corners by printing on Hanes beefy tees for their blanks?
DC: All I’m saying is, it’s like, you can trust them.
DC: They’ve never wronged you in the past.
MHKC: No way man
DC: I don’t know, I think you just have to be more willing to let them in. Lower the barrier to entry.
MHKC: They’re purveyors of deliciousness that I want.
MHKC: I’m immediately suspicious when the power dynamic is not in my favor.
DC: Sure.
DC: Anyways, what did you put in your box!
DC: (LOL AGAiN)
MHKC: PUT IT IN YOUR BOX.
DC: Just answer the question.
MHKC: Well, I decided right away (after asking Andy about limited-edition offerings) that I’d get an Orange Creme since that’s a Quickstrike that is specific to the store opening event.
MHKC: So duh, I got an Orange Creme and an Ice Cream Sandwich, Blueberry MUFFIN (not to be confused with regular Blueberry), S’mores, Brown Sugar Cinnamon FROSTED, and Strawberry Milkshake
MHKC: ALSO, we were instructed to put the orange cremes in the FREEZER which was a nice servicey touch from the Varietizer operator.
MHKC: David
MHKC: What did YOU get?
MHKC: OR PUT iN YOUR BOX
DC: Stop it.
DC: Grow up.
MHKC: *eyerollz*
MHKC: *flicks Silly Bandz*
DC: So unlike you, I am more into having things that other people can’t have.
MHKC: Because you are a fucking hypebeast.
DC: So I made half of my box the LIMITED EDITION Orange Cream ones.
DC: The other three packs I got were: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Strawberry Milkshake, and Ice Cream Sandwich
DC: That being said, Orange Cream is one of my favorite flavors of all time.
MHKC: Right. And gloating is one of your overall favorite activities of all time.
DC: I would open an Orange Julius franchise on St Marks if I could.
MHKC: That is a million dollar idea
MHKC: But it would be a shitshow
DC: Yeah, I mean, I don’t have a Twitter so that I can tell people my hopes and dreams.
DC: It’s primarily so that people will know that ME (David Cho) is doing something that YOU (AVERAGE PLEBE) can’t do.
DC: And what is that?
DC: EATING 6 ORANGE CREAMSICLE POP-TARTS, LOSERS!!!!!
DC: Anyways, yeah, so that was my box.