Friday, August 6th, 2010

Jersey Mayhem: "Braawk! When Are You Going To Clean My Cage? Braawk!"

jersey mayhemThis is a sad story about the dangers of keeping firearms in the house and drinking alcohol near pets. Dennis Zeglin, 67, of Rudolph, New Jersey has been sentenced to perform 100 hours of community service as a part of Morris County's pretrial intervention program for first-time offenders after killing his African grey parrot, Mikey with a pellet gun. "Zeglin was intoxicated when he shot Mikey on June 7, 2009 because the parrot distracted him with its squawks as Zeglin watched a NASCAR race on television," the Asbury Park Press reports, citing Zeglin's attorney Richard Fletcher. "Zeglin willingly turned over the pellet gun, a Daisy PowerLine Model 93, to police and immediately started intensive counseling for alcoholism, Fletcher has said. He has said his client was extremely remorseful over the death of the parrot, which had been in the household for two decades."

20 Comments / Post A Comment

deepomega (#1,720)

Is there any animal worse than a goddamn parrot? They're all lucky California has such strict parrot-murdering laws.

kneetoe (#1,881)

HIs first act of community service was to go around and kill other people's parrots.

Dave Bry (#422)

So the pretrial intervention program wasn't a punishment, but like, a promotion?

deepomega (#1,720)

"Welcome to the Number One New Jersian's Parrot Killing Agency."

kneetoe (#1,881)

Well he had experience.

How does get distracted from NASCAR?

"does one"…

HiredGoons (#603)

I know, it's like watching paint dry on a car that is going in fucking circles.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Although the paint would dry faster with the car going that fast. MY GOD, GOONS, YOU'VE CRACKED IT!

iantenna (#5,160)

the worst, right? it's popularity is a phenomenon that fascinates me. i think it's the only nationally televised sport where the fanbase is truly divided along party lines. we were visiting my in-laws a few months back and i needed a drink. the closest bar was showing NASCAR, fucking NASCAR, on all five of its tvs, at a time when i knew there was an a's game, a giants game, and playoff basketball on. and they all looked askance at this long hair when i dared ask that they put the ballgame on. BASEBALL! like i was un-american for wanting to watch baseball.

iantenna (#5,160)

most likely if you unsnapped his skull cap, between his ears you'd see a gap.

Crantastical (#4,127)

I just had a wonderful flashback to a Steve Martin movie where he develops that specific surgical technique. Thank you for that.

Screen Name (#2,416)

I don't see anything strange about this story.

Um, who turned this guy in? Did the parrot not show up for its French class at the community college?

I suppose I could have just read the linked article, but that's no fun.

atlasfugged (#4,481)

Dave, the parrot-murderer is from Radolph, NJ, not Rudolph. During the summer of my freshman year, I spent several weeks dating a lovely girl from Randolph who once threatened to stab me with steak-knife. I think there's something in water in that part of Morris County because people from neighboring Morristown are crazy too.

atlasfugged (#4,481)

I meant Randolph.

Dave Bry (#422)

Oh, jesus. Duh. Sloppy reading.

Thanks, Atlas. My nose is red (along with my cheeks.)

6h057 (#1,914)

That goddamn parrot isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

With a hole in its head…

untitled HD (#4,555)

Maybe he got it mixed up with his gun-shaped TV remote.

(do they even make a TV remote shaped like a Daisy pellet rifle?)

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