Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill Wins! Is Biggest Ever!

ALL GONEYay! We made the biggest (unintentional!) oil spill in human history! (Bonus: the second-largest oil spill ever was also in the Gulf of Mexico.) What do we win? Is it a new planet? Called Pandora? With flying ladies and dragons and magical sources of energy? Even better news: according to the NOAA forecasts, as you can see in their most recent forecast, all the oil is gone! Hooray. Oh… all the surface oil. Hmm. Also: “The annual summertime dead zone caused by low oxygen levels in water along the Gulf of Mexico shoreline this year is twice as big as last year’s.” It’s the size of Massachusetts. So I would suggest, since the Gulf of Mexico was already a giant bomb-infested filth-hole, that we just kill the whole thing with fire. Though I guess it’s anoxic where it isn’t flammable, so that won’t work. Nuclear bomb?