Here is some excellent news, courtesy of a study from the University of Texas at Austin which followed 1,824 participants over a period of 20 years: proficient drinkers live longer than their teetotal contemporaries.
Even though heavy drinking is associated with higher risk for cirrhosis and several types of cancer (particularly cancers in the mouth and esophagus), heavy drinkers are less likely to die than people who have never drunk. One important reason is that alcohol lubricates so many social interactions, and social interactions are vital for maintaining mental and physical health. As I pointed out last year, nondrinkers show greater signs of depression than those who allow themselves to join the party.
It's not a 100% endorsement of the advanced drinker's life: middling drinkers (defined here as those who take 1-3 a day) live longer than the professionals. Still, there's plenty of good to take away from this, unless you happen to be a non-drinker. Although you're probably happy to die early given your joyless, alcohol-free existence.
What about 3 VERY LARGE drinks per day?
Your drinks should already be VERY LARGE.
Tallboys need to get taller, to keep up with me and my forthcoming very long life.
Oh great. So all this time I've been drinking to shake off the interminable pain of this mortal coil and it's keeping me here longer? Thanks a lot, August.
And I stopped drinking to feel less depressed and now August is telling me not drinking is making me MORE depressed? CHRIST. I CANNOT WIN. *gunshot*
Ahem. "Stopped"?!
But what else is there to do in the summer?
(Or... any season?)
As I've discovered the hard way: NOTHING.
We can discuss tomorrow night over a delicious gingerale.
I will surreptitiously (or not) be pouring bourbon into said ginger ale.
This is the perfect way to kick off National Just Fuck It and Drink At Your Desk Week.
Already in progress down here on Boylston Street.
I'm holding out for National Just Drink It and Fuck At Your Desk Week.
Week? Why so little time?
Just Desk-Fuck Your Drink Month starts on Wednesday.
Unless you're Greek Orthodox.
The discomfort I felt yesterday morning (after the previous night's multiple Jim Beams-on-the-rocks) was my body trying to tell me POUR ME ANOTHER GLASS, then.
This study is troubling for the equilibrium of guilt : self-loathing that my current drinking schedule produces.
I'd be more inclined to believe this if my Emmy/Mad Men hangover wasn't killing me right now.
Looks like I won't be getting rid of most of my relatives for quite awhile.
*Note: does not seem to apply to solo drinkers.
Pure speculation! For one thing, drinking alone keeps people out of cars and off the streets. Doing it in the dark can increase injuries from trips and falls, however.
To me, the glass in that picture is half empty.
But, god, if you consider the ice, it is just about completely empty.
@garge love
When presented with such an image, I do not consider the glass to be either half full or half empty.
Instead, I conclude that the lucky drinker is halfway to the next round.
Then I pour myself one, just to be sociable. Glug-glug!
This is my life's new guiding principle.
To wit, sobriety does make things SEEM longer. Namely weddings and holidays.
This assumes one is drinking to REMEMBER.
"My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies."
Millions Now Drinking Will Never Die
How long/How long/How long can we sing this drinking song?
It's true, it's all true. I'm totally depressed and I don't drink. Though to be honest, if I had been a drinker, a seriously extreme case of undiagnosed hypertension would surely have killed me in my mid-20s (or at least left me an even-more-depressed stroke victim), so it's a wash, really.
I can't believe this surprises anyone. OF COURSE drinking leads to a longer life because of all the extra time us drinkers have to spend explaining and apologizing for what happened the previous night. DUH.
Always been proud to be a Texas-Ex, never more so than reading about this fine scientific research.