Bedbugs: At Least They Don't Stab Us With Their Spearlike Penises
"Because the female bedbug has no genital opening, the male inseminates her by using his hardened, sharpened genitalia to punch a hole through her abdomen. With no elaborate courtship ritual, males in a frenzied pursuit of sexual congress often blunder into and puncture the bodies of other males, occasionally inflicting fatal wounds."
-Good news about bedbugs: They only want to anesthetize us while we're sleeping, bite holes in our skin, administer an anticoagulant and suck up to three times their own bodyweight of our blood in each ten-minute feeding session-not have sex with us! The bad news is, they're spreading basically unimpeded throughout our cities now because the they've become resistant to the chemical pesticides that eradicated them 50 years ago. Entomologist May Berenbaum's op-ed in yesterday's Times was as fascinating as it was disgusting.
This is the best way to learn such horrifying things.
Hope those dudes get gay married first.
Um, no. It's our state RIGHT to tell them that they can puncture each other all they want, but they CANNOT marry
Still not as horrifying as the ones who live in your eyelashes: http://www.worsleyschool.net/science/files/eyelash/creatures.html
I hate you.
It is with deep regret that I report an inability to cite the part where they definitely don't Stab Us With Their Spearlike Penises.
Oh, GOD.
They also don't call you the next day and if they see you on the street they act like they don't know you.
They don't! They can differentiate bugs from mammals. Dude bugs from lady bugs, not so much.
But regardless of differentiating, who's to say any stabby penetration is not good stabby penetration to the little pervs?!
I guess I am looking for Science to quote that under no circumstances whatsoever will a bed bug ever have sex with you. Full stop, takes bow.
Much like @scroll_lock, they're content to stab anything firm with their junks.
@deepomega: What, exactly, are you saying about scroll_lock?
@Kneet, @Deep: You *do* know I'm in no position to stab anything with my junk unless you buy my a strap on, correct? Nonetheless, I appreciate the thought and am now stabbing you rhetorically with the junk I don't have.
^buy "me", that is.
@scroll – Yeah, go ahead and act like you don't have a modified tie rack filled with equipment for just this situation.
@deep: I shared that with you in confidence. I hope you are walking without assistance now.
Whenever I limp down the street, I think of your sweet strong penetrating embrace.
*whispers 'my gimpy love'*
@scroll: Yes, fully aware, but didn't want to let anatomical reality interfere with a perfectly minor joke. Also, a little srapped (tee hee) right now; ok if I just rent you a strap on?
@kneet: will you be renting a compact or midsize?
Is a Netflix for sex toys as bad of an idea as it sounds, or as good of an idea as it sounds?
Well the phase alone is poetry.
And, good point, earlier, Garge. I guess there's no way to be sure they're not stabbing us with their genitalia while they feast on our blood. Being all anesthetized and all, we'd never know the difference. Oh GOD is right.
"Phrase"
("Netflix for sex toys.")
There needs to be either of 2 things done; soften some genitalia or harden some abdomens.
Read that dino comic I linked to. The female bedbug's evolutionary reaction to this is equal parts fascinating and horrifying.
Flatworms are even more stab-rapey fun: they're hermaphrodites whose mating consists of a swordfight with penises until the 'victor' penetrates the 'loser', impregnating it.
I can't believe there's no link to Isabella Rousselini's "Seduce Me" series and the episode on Bedbugs. http://www.sundancechannel.com/greenporno/
Et tu, Bedbug?
re: netflix for sex toys
Do you have any idea how HEAVY the Eleven is? Let alone fitting it into your . . . OH I CAN'T GO ON.
There are so many species whose females go through horrific rapes, fatal pregnancies, and gut-clawing births (literally).