Friday, August 6th, 2010
18

America Out of Control: The War Against Children's Lemonade Stands

MURDERAll over America, investigative reporter Evan Fleischer has noted, children's lemonade stands are being shut down. It's true! From Haverford Township, PA, to Tulare, CA, even to liberal godless San Francisco, the war on children selling lemonade is in full swing. In Newbury Park, MA, there was a police investigation of a lemonade-vending child, who, cannily, only accepts "donations" instead of a set price. America's tween and teens: learning how to skirt the Marxist Obama Laws That Are Against Free Enterprise.

18 Comments / Post A Comment

Lockheed Ventura (#5,536)

THIS IS SHARIA LAW AT WORK, FOLKS.

doubled277 (#2,783)

DOWN WITH THE TERRORIST MUSLIM MOSQUE

Eh, probably better than having some crazed Randroid yelling at you about markets.

My 10-year-old nephew is going to set up a stand selling trend piece ideas.

doubled277 (#2,783)

This sounds dangerously close to a derivative market. You need to have him file the proper paperwork with the SEC. Oh wait! No you don't!

clint (#6,610)

Probably a rip-off anyway. Even that whole 'Donations Only' thing is a ploy. "let me smile coyly and blink quickly with my long fair lashes while I tell you you don't haaaaaaave to pay if you don't wanna". It's probably that powder shit anyway that's never mixed right. Too strong or too watery. There's a new '3-2-1 Contact' on, you brats.

HiredGoons (#603)

I remember the good old days when you could buy crack off a 9 year old, and nobody would bat an eye.

These indeed are troubling times.

oldirtybassist (#3,630)

One of those links led me to this, which is much more o_O-ing http://evanfleischer.com/post/460081920/in-may-of-last-year-i-wrote-hugging-as-a

I AM AGAINST BOTH OF THESE THINGS! AMERICA IS REBORN!

Tuna Surprise (#573)

It's because they're not paying taxes, right? START PAYING YOUR TAXES YOU FREE LOADERS!

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

I love lemonade stands. Especially in NYC. Anyone taxes them I will smack them!

How about taxing crappy stoop sales? How much time in my life have I wasted going to "great" stoop sales that are just piles of baby clothes and crap that will be tossed in the trash by the end of the day? I hate those stoop sales.

Maybe the lemonade stand kids can team up with crappy stoop sales so when I stare at someone's unwanted junk at a stoop sale I can make a "pity purchase" by getting some lemonade and cookies instead.

Crantastical (#4,127)

These lemonade kids need the US Chamber of Commerce's Free Enterprise Campaign to intervene on their behalf!

doubled277 (#2,783)

Do they have a private jet? Because it seems to me they need one. With pictures of, you know, free enterprise in action on the outside of the plane. No?

Crantastical (#4,127)

They claim that the head of the Chamber, Tom Donohue has his own private jet, but it is actually one of those Net Jet type deals where he really just has a share.

BTW, I don't want to brag and turn off fellow Awl commenters, but I have an interview at US Chamber Watch next week. I'm so excited, Zack!

Wake me when they try to put up one of these abominations (yeah, I said it) near 9/11.

HonoriaGlossop (#1,247)

Holy Christ, the Awl mentioned my neighborhood (Haverford Township – we're 20 minutes outside of Center City Philly, fyi)! And I don't even care that it's for a shitty reason. There are so many other shitty decisions made by my township that I can only be grateful that this is the one being singled out. (And I actually didn't even know about this.)

teensprograms (#7,405)

Teens suffering from behavioral, emotional and psychological disorders also suffer from depression, stress and destructive behavior that cause harmful behavior for self or others. Out of control children need specialized cognitive and behavioral therapy programs to overcome stressing issues. Parenting programs can also play an important role in improving conduct and personality of defiant children.

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