Saturday, July 31st, 2010

Understudies! Fingered By Fosse

Chicago!Julie Klausner: A big pet peeve of mine is when people confuse Bob Fosse's stiff jazz hands for spirit fingers.

Natasha Vargas-Cooper: UGH! Jazz hands are like Lady Liberty's crown of spikes. They make a precise statement. Spirit fingers are for RENAISSANCE FAIRE WEIRDOS.

Julie: They're deeply sexual, Fosse's hands, especially when you consider that he stuck his troll pole in every chorus girl.

Julie: Look at the girls in "All I Care About is Love" from 'Chicago.' Rolling around on the floor around Jerry Orbach? That shit is filthy.

Natasha: You're right.

Julie: This is like the precursor to "stupid drunk chick passed out in dorm room gets fucked."

Natasha: Sexual delirium, but, like controlled.

Julie: Of Fosse's muses, I think Liza was the least tabula rasa.

Natasha: Well, sure! There's so much LIZZZAH packed into Liza.

Julie: Gwen Verdon was his collaborator whereas Anne Reinking embodied that fascist precision of Fosse's manias.

Julie: And Anne Reinking was the vessel he just filled up.

Julie: Like, creampie style.

Natasha: Anne in sparkly bowler hat of pain!

Julie: She was just glitter, legs, and teeth.

Julie: That's the kind of mistress you have to be for Fosse, I think.

Julie: Like, "May I move my pinky now?"

Natasha: It's like he drew her.

Julie: When she gives those hips it's like she oiled her hinges for him.

Natasha: What psycho-sexual element are we dealing with here?

Julie: It's that link between fascism and sexuality (and so much glitter).

Julie: That wrist flick in ‘All That Jazz' kills me every time.

Julie: It's like gorgeous Malcolm Mcdowell's eyelashes wide open at the beginning of ‘Clockwork Orange'!

Natasha: OMG.

Julie: And only his foot taps.

Natasha: So sexually menacing.
All Alexs are sexy brutes

Natasha: So that's the kind of woman you have to be, huh?

Julie: To be married to that man?

Julie: Well, ask Mrs. Coppola.

Julie: Or like, ask Sharon Tate.

Natasha: *SAD HANDS*

Natasha! Julie!

27 Comments / Post A Comment

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

I'm going with Miles Klee abrogated the names of people he saw on wikipedia for a fake post.

There's no way this bird site could attract the kind of talent that isn't part of some sort of money making venture to just talk realistically about what we all know happened.

There's no PR firm around that would allow it unless you told them to go fuck themselves with the kind of authority that they knew they had to eat their words and just eat their pride.

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

With apologies to the wonderful ladies Miles Klee is impersonating…

Nights & Weekends are mine to ramble sometimes…

Oh, Look, Jeff NewFuck is talking about news about bears from "earlier in this week" like they are a news site. Rather than a recap site.

Oh, and look Remy Stern makes a weird appearance to apologize about a shitty gossip recap (which obviously raises the question as to whether Not Foster has been fired since Gawker traffic is down since she declared war on me?)

Anyway, back to our not regular programming of awesome fake interviews MOAR MOAR MOAR…

[Please note: Generally this bird site closes down first chance the ugly staff member gets to turn out the lights at 5pm after posting the single worst post of the day]

Art Yucko (#1,321)

JazzHands, yes, but let's see it again with more JazzHands.


mmmark (#4,458)

That video just changed my life.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

caught Jasshanded, conversing with our spirit animals.

zorica (#4,135)

There is so much genius going on in that video with Jerry Orbach it's unbelievable. I am extremely impressed by the costume design, the one-leg stockings are masterfully done. Then there's the choreography, brilliant both in what the bodies are doing and what patterns the ensemble is making as a whole. Then there's Jerry and how he uses his voice, how he delivers the lines, how he speaks with his body. Then there's the writing – great lyrics. Finally there's the concept of the piece, singing about the lies in which we cloak ourselves while "dressing up" the process of undressing. Great at every layer.

I did a Fosse workshop once and it was extremely hard and frustrating the first two days. By the end of the week I was starting to feel it, and then one of the instructors said something that made it all make sense. She said, "Ladies, every time you bend your legs and move your hips what you have to imagine is that directly under you is a leather piano bench covered in deep, luscious mink, and you're totally naked and by yourself with this piano bench but waiting for your lover to enter the room so you're holding back, trying not to get too excited. Which of course, coupled with the mink and the bench, only makes you more excited, so you tone it down even more." It's a cycle into intensity but in the opposite direction of frenzy.

That image made it all make perfect sense and everything melted together after that and I felt bad for the boys because they couldn't quite get it the same way.

melis (#1,854)

Not to miss the point in some sort of Jezebelly way, but "This is like the precursor to "stupid drunk chick passed out in dorm room gets fucked""–sort of rapey?

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

You guys do know you can logo-ize your login field to fool the n00dies that you have a huge team of IT folks as your backbone. Naw, you don't or you would have done that already.

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

Anyway, onto a more important subject.

I wonder when the whiplash between "Tea Party is over" vs. "Tea Party is powerful" articles are going to stop?

It has to get a bit old knowing that multiple (oh shit yeah, there are multiple movements out there) movements of disparate forces morphing and coagulating in ways that scare the fuck out of the "political class" operate outside their need to appeal to the "political class" and its tiny acolytic readership.

Poor little babies.

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

Wait til Version 5 gets going, oh shit no! It wIll bE A tOtAL MinDFucK!B!!

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

Whoa, when did little Nick "losing traffic for two months" Denton rearrange his credits list?

Some notable changes:

Editors no longer are singled out as Night Editor or some such shit.

They're now referred to as "Contributing Editors"

That's a major change there.

Girlfriend beater is still referred to as Video Editor so why the reorganization Nick?

One is even downgraded to Contributing Writer.

Ian, what have you been up to?

Wait, "girlfriend beater?" What have I been missing?!

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

Covered extensively in Gawker posts – look for the ones around the time Dick was kicked out by his gf for smacking her around or something and the firestorm about it.

Shoot, I never saw that. We are talking about Blakeley, right? Linksss?

Never mind, I found it. Scandalous! Can't believe I missed it the first time around, either!

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

I think Ryan Tate has one foot out the door, about time dumbass – you can get a high price these days dude.

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

valleywag is about two steps away from being defamer anyway. A domain name Nick is too ego driven to let others develop in ways he never could.

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

OOh, no more Night Editor?

And no more Weekend Editor.

I think Nick's a bit askerred about the trajectory, that's why he's hyping his lesbean site.

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

Rut Roh, I think Nick wants to unload Jezebel soon.

Let it become (a site that lost its potential and has become a niche market, but still has relationships with marketers who never update their info and just rely on old relationships for ad setups. Why? Cuz that's hard work and no one gets paid more for hard work.)

katiechasm (#163)

Jeff, I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. What do you think about Moylan?

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

Moylan is a diamond in the rough. Over the past 3 years if you've watched I've chosen for special mention only 3 people.

Ryan, Foster, and Brian.

Problem is Nick fucked up. FUCKED up. fucked UP. With his purchase of Cityfile.

Massive stupidity. Shortsighted. Useless.

Not going to pay off in the way he thinks it was supposed to.

First mistake, bringing Remy on to helm a property Remy has no experience in doing. It's like asking a hipster to run a Ska website.

Brian has some great qualities that can be teased out, but Nick was just lucky at first. He has that British quality of expecting things at this point and then making excuses when it goes to shit. And then covering for it by acting like he meant it to go to shit.

As far as I'm concerned I can find that core in each person and massage it in a non-legally dangerous way to let it flower (been doing that for fucking decades) and blossom…Nick just doesn't have that in him.

Never did.

Then again I like the challenge of building things from scratch rather than throwing money around and ignoring all the wasted money when something sticks.

I could mentor Brian, but he's looking for a paycheck not a chance at figuring out how to build his own online property. Something I think he could easily do if he figured out the difference between success and cha-ching. Age old problem for young gay men.

HiredGoons (#603)



shapeglobe (#243,998)

UGH! Jazz hands are like Lady Liberty's crown of spikes. They make a precise statement. Spirit fingers are for RENAISSANCE FAIRE WEIRDOS.
Click here

john smith (#245,014)

There's no way this bird site could attract the kind of talent that isn't part of some sort of money making venture to just talk realistically

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