The Problem With Addiction Memoirs
The happy news about Awl pal Julie Klausner sent me down a relatively shallow rabbit hole which resulted in my seeing this promo, for the short film Successful Alcoholics, for the first time. It looks great-Lizzy Caplan is involved, how could it not-but it stirred up resentments which I have held at bay for a long time but no longer feel capable of restraint in remarking upon. Specifically, what the hell is the deal with all the recovery memoirs?
You know what I'm talking about. "I was a successful literary agent, but I had a terrible secret life of drug abuse and sex in super swank hotels that brought me down." "No one knew the sheer horror of my Jelly Belly addiction." "I would hire prostitutes to make a doody on my chest because of my deep issues with inadequacy." Etc. There's one for every "addiction."
But what the fuck? Where are the books from the guy who drinks half a handle of whiskey of an evening but still shows up on time at work the next morning and gets the job done? How come we're not hearing from the mom with the minor meth habit who can still put together a play date at a moment's notice while making freshly-baked cupcakes which she will never eat because the very sight of them disgusts her? The executive who snorts a couple rails every hour to keep himself sharp for the deals he makes and manages to skate through with no ill effects (other than to the economy), where is his voice in our culture?
It is all well and good that people who have "problems" have somehow been able to get the help they need and a platform from which to trumpet it, but, really, aren't we basically celebrating failure here? There's a reason you don't read memoirs from the guy who finished fourth in every race: He couldn't cut it, and there's enough of that in life already. Show me a recovery memoir and I will show you a story about a quitter, someone who refuses to make a serious commitment and gives up when things get a little unpleasant. Basically, every book about a reformed addict is Sarah Palin's Going Rogue but with more self-aware debasement at the beginning. Where is the recognition for the people who stick it out and deal with their problems the way that they're supposed to: with drugs and booze?
I guess what I'm saying is, where's my goddamn book deal? You want a tale of persistence against the (medical and emotional) odds? I'm right here! But get in touch quickly; I plan to knock off early today and get my weekend started sooner than usual.
I'm drunk right now.
Gimme a few seconds to wake and I'll join you.
I read this, then immediately re-read it with The Battle Hymn of the Republic in the background.
Correct.
Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
Hell no!
WOLVERINES!!!
ATTICA!!ATTICA!!!ATTICA?
How about the agency principal who's high as a bat on Vancouver bud when running his business? Right the fuck on, Alex.
Way to go, Bukowski.
HANK FTW.
How come we're not hearing from the mom with the minor meth habit who can still put together a play date at a moment's notice?
Balk, it might cheer you up to hear that I recently wrote a very professional and engaging email to the principal of my daughters' new school only to realize after the fact that instead of "Beth McCoo" I'd signed it "Meth McCoo."
"Coo" not actual last syllable, obvs, but it scans correctly.
Those two things actually compliment each other quite nicely.
Yeah, what about the guy who rolls out of bed hungover, switches on his computer by 10:30 or so and posts 3 or 4 bear videos before knocking off early for some hair of the dog?
Where can I pre-order this book?
I am online by 9, asshole.
Pacific Standard Time
Chill out! Have a drink.
This made me laugh. And he has only one bookmark, which is a google search for the word "bear".
YEAH. And I'm fucking drinking to it, the instant I find my hands to search for the bottle.
At this point, I'd settle even for someone who was dramatically unsuccessful before, during, and after being monumentally fucked up.
While we're on the subject of persistance, lets hear it for the people who, day after day, work next to the hungover executive, writer, principal, etc., listening to the endless sighs and complaints. How about the offspring of that meth addict, who gets to hear (in private, of course) ad-nauseum about how hard it is to keep up the appearance of someone who is actually content and happy with their life. OK, I'm finished now.
Because if it gets out that you can drink AND be successful, ya can't scare 'em straight anymore. Now, where's the lab ethanol, it's after 12.
Read "The Lost Weekend" – it ends differently than the movie. Dude's pretty unrepentant.
This would seem to be the plot of Nurse Jackie? But I haven't watched it so I don't know if it's already in "downfall" mode.
I don't know Nurse Jackie but it certainly seems a little Mad Men.
I loves me some NJ! She plays offense, never defense. When one of my many chickens come home to roost, I say to myself, "what would Nurse Jackie do?" The answer is ALWAYS, play offense.
It's not really a memoir, but… http://www.amazon.com/Saying-Yes-Defense-Drug-Use/dp/1585422274
Where are the books from the guy who drinks half a handle of whiskey of an evening but still shows up on time at work the next morning and gets the job done?
(STARTS TYPING…)
This reminds me of the greatest song ever written by Jack Black.
*Existential BS alert*
What if the greatest book ever written could never be contained by mere physical manifestations but must be written in the hearts and minds of the world?
Wonder how you would charge for that?
I forget the name of the worst drug memoir, but the jist is that it was this privelaged kid from San Francisco whose dad was a well known journalist and writer, and the kid waxes on about his totally boring drug addiction (and simultaneously boasting about how awesome life was as the son of a hip quasi-celebrity), while ignoring the more interesting and obvious story, which is the inadequacy he feels regarding his father. Terrible book.
I would think the worst drug memoir would be 3 words long starting with "I have decided to get my life together" and ending in a long scribble punctuated by a big splot of saliva mixed with blood.
The problem I have with movies based on addiction memoirs is that the actors playing addicts look like they work out 7 days a week and when not at the gym fill up on sprouts and tofu. Not sure why make up artists haven't figured out how to make people look bloated and blood shot.
Not necessarily a drug 'memoir' but I actually thought Ryan whoever did a pretty decent job in Half Nelson.
The Requiem for a Dream folks certainly were made to look pretty fucked up at the end, there. And yeah, they were skinny. But addicts aren't really known for their high caloric intake (of solid food), no?
patty and Dot, I've never seen those two. It's a genre I tend to avoid. Though I did see some parts of Permanent Midnight.
Bill Clegg is waiting for your call: (212) 586-5100
He has a bit of track record with selling these memoirs, no?
-COUGH-JohnBerryman-'HM.
Fuck reading this, probably a shit post anyway…
What I want to know is why haven't I been called an Awl pal yet?
Just taking the whole old media translated to new media concept to its natural conclusion really.
Probably why traffic doesn't spike unless there's a fun flame war in the comment section of most "news aggregationist sites"
Damn racists.
Jeff you coming to the Dresden on the 10th paly?
Germany seems an awful long drive from here.
Why don't you write a memoir about your struggles with all of these lame commenters? You can call it Mein Kampf.
"Where are the books from the guy who drinks half a handle of whiskey of an evening?" You're drunk RIGHT NOW aren't you?
But, these books are everywhere. Addiction memoirs are just the books written by drunks who have nothing else to write about. There are plenty of books out there by drunks, they are just more creative drunks. Everything Evelyn Waugh ever wrote could be called "drunk" books. Ditto Amis and Hitchens, Stephen King, Roger Ebert, and the list goes on forever.
Roger Ebert has been sober for 30 years Abe.
So has King. But a lot of what they once wrote was done drunk and it was not ABOUT being drunk.
@STC: When his computer starts slurring he's off the wagon.
The writer at his typewriter, leans forward and reads the page, yanks the page out of the roller, crumples it and throws it in the wastebasket, sits back in his chair, rubs his eyes, reaches for the glass of peaty single-malt, sips it, sips again, rolls another page into the typewriter, and stubbornly, courageously starts typing again. An enticing image but I could never carry it off.
Actually The Shining is pretty much all about a drunk fuckup of a husband and father, much like King used to be.
Apparently King used to be so fucked up that he doesn't even remember writing Cujo.
Indeed, it was, but it wasn't focused on King HIMSELF being drunk. That's how good drunk literature works. Hell, at least with Gilbert Pinfold Waugh fictionalized himself. Also, re: King drunkeness: See his address at his own mother's funeral.
Mostly, I agree with Abe. But Malcolm Lowry's Under the Volcano is pretty awesome.
I actually had no idea about King's former drunkenness! Is it wrong that this actually makes me respect him more?
"The Tommyknockers" was supposedly about Stephen King's cocaine habit, which would also explain "Maximum Overdrive".
People who write about themselves are idiots.
Is that a hard and fast rule?
What if I embellish it?
I must think on this. All night, so no sleep, again. (of course there
are PILLS)
Whenever I start writing U.I. I seem to go off on so many tangents with D.F.W.-like run on sentences and the worst part is, after I feel I have successfully written a good portion of new chapter, I forget to save it. I have the best novel floating around in 'unsaved' Prose and Poetry Cyber-Black Hole space.
How about the memoir about the successful designer, who was also a high-functioning full-on alcoholic from his mid-20s to mid-30s, but then started getting funky liver enzyme results at his yearly physicals, so he tapered his drinking off very slowly over the subsequent 4 or so years until now he has a drink maybe once a week, but doesn't really enjoy it that much because now it's like he can feel his liver rotting with every sip of booze he takes, so more often than not he just orders a ginger ale and tries to work-out a lot. Where's that memoir? Oh right, it isn't there because it's boring.
Yeah, but add a little Lizzy Caplan with her hair straight and short, maybe a comedic ringer or two, some uplifting music and BOOM! You have an inspirational story.
And really, even if the post-years aren't as wild, anyone who manages to kick it has done something pretty significant.
I used to love reading those Ayds weight loss stories in their print ads. "I used to get so hungry I would eat an entire pan of lasagna. But on the Ayds plan I am satisfied with a pice of candy and a cup of coffee." Why don't they make movies out of those?
Why take diet pills when you can enjoy AYDS?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfOQ3O4kD3I
Part of the problem with addiction memoirs is the problem with memoirs in general that aren't by the famous or their families: people end up talking about things that really are best left in private, either while those things are problems or after they are resolved. Where did mortification and blushing go?
I've got your mortification and blushing right here. At least on a daily basis. It's like Curb, only without the laughs and rich people.
Not for nothing but, aren't we forgetting the big question here? How does the Caplan rack portray in this so called short?
What is this an Awl-Anon meeting?
Addiction memoirs are always the worst because they're so terribly defensive.