The Great Fingering Debate
Okay, the sub-conversation in yesterday's copy editor story about the correct terminology for fingering has been vexing me all morning. I have always been a strong partisan for "finger-bang," but I am told that "finger-blast" is considerably more au courant. Is this a generational divide? A regional one? Not knowing, I cannot say. Although it should be noted that one proponent of "finger-blast" favors that locution because he believes it to be more humorous than "finger-bang," which does indeed carry with it a certain amount of mustiness (and, of course, gravitas) due to its lengthy tenure as the mot juste when one needs to discuss the act of digital insertion. (I think we can all agree that advocates of the little-used "finger-fuck" are disgracefully crude individuals who have no place in this conversation.) In any event, I think it's time we settle this once and for all. What's the word, people?
Choose wisely. The winner goes right into the OED.
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If finger-bang was good enough for your grandmother, it's good enough for you.
Please.
"Snakefinger": sneaky finger fuck (hell YES I'm crude)
"Butterfinger": (1) slick, wet, juicy FF; alt. (2) largely unsatisfying and prone to dropped balls
"Goldfinger": You can stay, but leave a small bare patch at the base of the back.
I've also heard the term "temperature check" applied but this could just be a regional colloquialism.
"Diddling" is far more preferable usage. But if I had to choose between "fingerbang" and "fingerblast" then obviously the Bang is it. What does "Blast" even have to do with it??
Wait, I thought diddling meant actual porking. And by porking, I mean schtupping.
I thought diddling was a reference to molestation. Never a positive connotation.
I've always understood is as adultery. Such as "diddling the maid" or "diddling the secretary".
Don't confuse "diddlind" with "fiddling."
Interesting.
did·dle (ddl)
v. did·dled, did·dling, did·dles
v.tr.
1. To jerk up and down or back and forth.
2. Vulgar Slang
a. To have intercourse with (a woman).
b. To practice masturbation upon.
v.intr.
1. To shake rapidly; jiggle.
2. Slang To play experimentally; toy: The children diddled with the knobs on the television all afternoon.
3. Slang To waste time: diddled around all morning.
To "fingerbag" is to penetrate,
while to "diddle" is to masturbate.
Stinky pinky is what I roll with.
Stanky, to be absolutely correct.
I prefer the German der Fingle.
Mama stroked his dinger
Daddy got a stinky finger
–Zappa
When your sister is hot
But your finger is not
Propane
- Pinkard & Bowden
12? Really?
How's the Liz Phair song go? Or does even bringing that up get me called "disgracefully crude," and before noon even.
fingerdip
fingerpoke (ew)
fingerspelunk (EW)
fingerbaste (ew, too much like "blast)
fingerexplore
fingervibrato
fingermelisma
fingerbattle
fingerfeel.
fingertouch
The Uncle Sam; if done by a lady, the Pointer Sister.
I'm So Excited by this.
I'm so scared.
amazing.
The Babu Bhat.
This commenting system needs a "Like" button pronto!
Ooh, "The Like Button". That's a good one!
This is slightly off topic, but I get really uncomfortable when people use the word fingering and they're not talking about finger banging ie "He fingered the material". But then again, I can't say titmouse without giggling like a schoolgirl. Hee-Hee.
Someone recently told me he wanted to be a herpetologist when he was little. Same reaction.
Let's just all agree that be we team Bang or Blast (Bang!), the act it describes (at least on women) is a farce and should never be done beyond, say, 1/8 of a second, and that even would give most women pause.
I'm apt to agree with this. And since the act we're talking about is frivolous and absurd, I fall on the "blast" side of the argument. Even then, I never really use the term outside of bawdy hypothetical chatter with drunken male compatriots.
Not to derail the conversation into etymology and definitions, but is there any linguistic overlap if oral sex is hands-on?
(Lindsay I like you so please don't take this rant as a personal attack or anything silly like that.)
CAN WE FUCKING CAN IT WITH WOMEN SPEAKING ON BEHALF OF ALL OTHER WOMEN ABOUT WHAT IS, AND IS NOT, ENJOYABLE IN THE BEDROOM? I personally love a good fingerbang (and it is, definitively, 'fingerbang'). Almost can't get off without it! So let's all go back to the days when we spoke for ourselves and left the possibility open that there are, if you'll excuse the term, different strokes for differnt folks, shall we? Okay then!
What about G-spot stimulation? Doesn't that count as fingering? Poking around for the hell of it is bad, but not if you know what you're looking for.
Yes, John, yees.
I'm with Jolie here 100%.
Agreed! I specifically asked for this last night.
I guess I'm just considering the male analogue to this act, which I find to be a waste of everyone's time. (Speaking for myself, obviously.) But, you know, whatever blows your hair back, ladies. I live to give.
@ John Kinsella – CALL ME.
it took me a minute to figure out that you meant handjobs were the male analogue, and not finger in the butt
Oh boy. That's an entirely different post altogether.
Swoon
@boy: One Jezebel writer begs to differ.
The only thing that can rescue a finger in the butt is a hand job at the same time.
Sometimes this move is known as "testing the wind".
What if it's both a fingerbang and some "flipping the switch" (aka clitoral digital stimulation)
Don't take away my signature move.
I thought the same thing. He'd be wrong on both counts as far as I'm concerned.
I'm on the facebook. Hope these comments don't go straight to my wall.
Oops, I've obviously been hanging out with a lot of chicks who haven't been properly fingerbanged. Tastes in food, sex, and music are all totally subjective and should never be treated objectively. (Now let's take this conversation to email!)
@Crantastical meant to tell you I'm on facebook, not everyone. Anyway, who cares? My holes are your their holes.
(Haha, that was addressed to Jolie.)
cosign on jolie's rant. big time.
These are the very matters I come to the Awl to learn about. Thanks, Awl, for teaching me about the Great Fingerfuck is Good/Bad Divide Amongst the Ladyfolks.
Yes John, YES. Teach all your man friends how to find that G-spot too, spread the love…
While we're at it, can we get the Female Opinion on the "shocker," please?
The Shocker is okay, but I prefer The Crown Victoria: three in the front, and three in the back.
THERE ARE 246 JOHN KINSELLAS ON FACEBOOK. Give a girl a hint, will ya?
Click through pattycake, for god's sake, click through! (& bookmark)
Look at my picture. And I'm in DC. And single.
Blast feels misleadingly explosive to me. But here are some other suffixes we could try.
finger-
bone
fiddle
fill
finagle
toss
It sounds like a red-bull-like soft drink
'fingertoss' works.
and after that, a "hand tossed pizza" will never taste the same.
Heh, let's just say I knew of a girl who got her calzone tossed (by hand and probably by some other implements as well) on the cutting-board of a small but infamous local pizza establishment. It's the sauce that makes your slice special!
Don't be bashful, Art, we know that the girl was you.
Hey, what can I say? My pizza is deep-dish and We're open for business!
The Taxi Driver.
"BOOM!"
"I'm hip."
"Buddy, you don't look hip."
Love that exchange!
All I really know is, it makes you want to hand out gift certificates for manicures.
Then how about finger nail?
I was working on my bike chain.
I'm going with South Park on this…. it's finger-bang. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dY3UGZBw_iI]
I believe it's the finger-Balthazar.
GIRRRRRL
alksfhlaskhflkhsfklfash I LOVE IT WHEN YOU ARE OPENLY EVIL.
"Diggin' fer bait."
Okie Noodling?
Noodling is a full-body experience, so, not entirely?
I saw a documentary on these guys who caught catfish in muddy rivers by cramming their arms down their gaping maws. It seemed like a big euphemism. They also called it "Cat Fisting".
Nasty.
Well this is great.
I'll click through even more when I have a free hand.
So classy. Right??
Puttin' a claw in the girl slaw?
o my.
Make sure your nails are trimmed!
Who puts the "man" in "manicure?"
I had a friend who always said "-popping"
Spoonie Gee, circa 1981: "the m.c., baby, who loves finger poppin'"
didn't know that I bet that's where they got it from… since I can't do write-in vote for fingerpop I'm going to go with fingerbang because it rhymes with Numberwang.
This question should be given to the World Cup Oracle Octopus for final decree.
The Bearded Clam Finger Jam
WOW.
It's "El dedaso" in Mexico.
"not getting laid"
A thumb-sucker on finger-banging. God bless us, every one!
What are Brian Moylan's rules for gays and straights referring to digital copulation?
"Rule 5: Never say 'Sink the Meathook' unless you're a gay butcher."
@BadU: My reply to you is farther downthread, if you'll pardon the expression.
Thank you! I call it a great way to get woken up in the middle of a Wednesday night.
That thank-you was for Jolie . . . wait, it's not like it sounds. I'm just getting myself in deeper here.
I voted for "bang" in the poll, because of the only three choices. But, really, I prefer the simpler "finger" to both extended terms. I know it can be confused with the act of accusing someone of a crime, but still. The simple "finger" as a verb is so pleasingly reminiscent of 7th grade. We never said "bang" or "blast" when I was growing up.
(Related: after polling so many people, Balk will certainly be exhausted!)
I voted for Blast because I think it makes the act sound somewhat epic, but I too came of age saying the classic and unadorned "finger."
Same! I thought maybe it was akin to us Ohio folk dropping our g's, but it was always 'finger'/'fingering'/'fingered'.
@garge I'm intrigued to hear how "fingering" would be pronounced without the Gs.
Also, I can vouch for my corner of North Jersey's use of the unelaborated-upon "finger" and its various conjugations.
Me too. Which made it all the weirder when I got to college and "fingering" someone meant typing their e-mail address into telnet aludra to see if they'd gotten your message yet.
The Warren Beatty Handshake
scroll_lock is on FIRE today
@boy: You are too kind!
Being in a fraternity in college, our use of fingerblast and fingerbang was based on the reputation of the young lady involved. For example: "Hey bro! I totally fingerblasted that slut last night!" or "I went to dinner with the girlfriend last night and came back here and fingerbanged her." Needless to say, as a group we were not the romantics.
/so much shame
When describing it as something done to/by someone else, "finger-bang". When requesting the act be done to myself, "finger-fuck". Asking someone to "finger-bang" me makes me go all junior high giggly.
Seconded; "finger-fuck me" is much hotter.
team bang, with the primary source being that episode of south park where they form a boy band.
Fingerbang
Bang bang
Fingerbang bang
Bang bang bang
I'm gonna fingerbang bang you into my life
Girl, you like to fingerbang and it's alright
Cuz I'm the king of fingerbang, let's not fight
I'll just fingerbang, bang you every night
Reading these comments gave me carpal tunnel.
Carpal love tunnel?
http://img294.imageshack.us/img294/3141/2mxevti.gif
Sometimes it's good to go knuckle-deep.
I can't believe I associate with your ilk.
Some of us have to worry about these taxonomies on a DAILY BASIS, Goons.
Really? 84+ comments and no heavy petting? I am ashamed. Ashamed!
And the classic "touch 'down there'" is always a popular usage in the Address household.
ps: because I can't help taking sides in an election, Go Team Bang!
Finger. (period) And, in past tense: "fingered"
Conjugated:
I finger
You finger
He fingers
She Fingers
They (the boys) finger
They (the girls) finger
We finger
We (polite) finger
It fingers
This is what Gene Weingarten meant when he used the hed "A digital salute to online journalism," right?
(giggling)
"Rule 6: If you ARE a gay butcher, tell your faghag you will not give her a discount on pork tenderloin once you hear what she plans to do with it."
^that was @BadUncle, obvs.
"Oyster's shucked, but the pearl is slippery."
Sinking The Battleship
"Phalanges in the Ganges."
DEAR CHOIRE/BALK:
Over the past few weeks, I had detected a subtle shift in The Awl's editorial focus. Maybe it was the short fiction. Maybe it was the new writers. Maybe it was Balk's vacation. In any event, the whole tone of the place seemed to have shifted into a more high-brow zone. Like you're trying to be Granta or N+1.
With this shameless linkbait, you have returned to your roots. And I, for one, applaud you. Bravo, my good sirs. Bravo!
Sorry we got too classy for a minute there. FIXED.
Are you going to Fire Island this summer? If so, why can't we get a Dispatch or two?
No I am taking the summer off!
Shouldn't Julia Allison weigh in on this?
There is no need for this dispute, both terms have their place in today's sexual lexicon.
Finger-bang, is when the fingering, while vigorous, also involves adroit manipulation of the clitoris; precise movements are used.
Finger-blast, however, is a forearm cramp inducing effort, which that often requires the use of leverage via kneeling underneath the blastee. Any maninipulation of the clitoris is via spastic palm motion rather than the delicate manuevering of the fingers.
Glad to help.
Sorry for the typos, I was smelling my fingers while typing.
It will always be "bang" in homage to my friend (and yours) Mark Lisanti's "Don Draper Fingerbang Threat Level."
Seems like, as far as First Polls go, this was a resounding success! I can't wait to replace my hard copy OED.
I would like to discuss a point of hyphenation, please.
When a compound word becomes old enough, it gets to lose its hyphen — a momentous event, signaling the word's entry into linguistic adulthood. It is a rite of passage, like a bar mitzvah. Or first menstrual cycle. Or losing one's virginity. Choose whichever metaphor you believe to be most appropriate.
Anyway, at some point in the past, water-fall grew up and become waterfall, drive-way aged into a driveway, and mother-fucker matured into a motherfucker. These were proud moments for these words. They were no longer children. They had become men. (Or women. We have gender-neutral nouns in English, so it's hard to tell.)
If one were to use the virginity metaphor for this rite of passage, the hyphen could be viewed as a hymen. Once it disappears, so too does the virginity. A new age of adult experience/wisdom replaces the former one of childhood innocence.
Which brings me to the subject of "finger-bang." I think this word has been around long enough to enter the adult world and lose its hyphen. It is time for finger-bang to become fingerbang.
Go forth into the world, hyphenless, fingerbang! You are no longer a word-child. You are ready to take your place as a full, responsible citizen in the community of linguistic adulthood!
Anyway, that concludes the point of hyphenation I wished to discuss. Thank you for your time.
Did this take some work, or did you just dash it off?
Either way, I liked.
Thanks! Just dashed it off. The "dash-off" method is my favorite mode of written communication.
this is great, so glad it was highlightd so that i came back to see it!
Well-reasoned, elegant writing. I've never seen that argument relating hyphens to maturation before, and I now believe it implicitly.
I'm a big fan of hyphens. Ever since I learned that there is a world of difference between a "rosey-fingered dawn" and the more interesting "Rosey fingered Dawn."
Regards,
Tengrain
I wonder what Tony Orlando would have to say about that?
I TAKE A DAY OFF FROM WORK AND Y'ALL TALK ABOUT FINGERBANGING WITHOUT ME!?
Sad.
When I was a teenager, a train conductor asked me and a friend if we had been playing 'sticky finger'. SHUDDER. There's also fingershame, but that's something else entirely.
Rummaging: Any futile attempt to locate the G-spot or make me squirt.
Mr. Hippity, all I can tell you is that it got me through the Classics in college. I can't help but think of the Illiad anytime anyone talks about fingering.
Regards,
Tengrain
I take offense. I am not "disgracefully crude." I was merely referring to the word as I heard it used in my youth. jeez.
Hey guys! I was watching INCEPTION. Did anything happen while I was gone?
Oh, also, maybe we should just call it "inception."
"Frig" is, I believe, the correct term.
In college we always used the term "regnif"–it was discreet enough to discuss in public (which we did, frequently).