Octopus Predicts World Cup Results With Startling Accuracy
Holy crap! This octopus in Germany has accurately predicted the LAST SIX MATCHES of the World Cup for which his powers of prophesy have been consulted. Scoff if you must, but consider the odds: This cephalopod conjecturer has only a fifty percent chance of being right each time, and yet SIX TIMES IN A ROW his prognosticating tentacles have in fact chosen the correct group of men who would kick more balls into a ropey hole than their opponents. It is positively astounding! How can people be discussing trivialities like the role of women in popular entertainment when such magic exists in the world? Yes, sure, I know some of you might be inclined to view this as a series of meaningless choices, the celebration of which shows our inability to comprehend the essentially random nature of the world without ascribing some deeper meaning to it, but come on, OCTOPUS WAS RIGHT SIX TIMES IN A ROW. Truly, he has been touched by the hand of God. All eight of them, apparently.
i want to believe
That octopus probably has a prehensile anus. That's what makes it psychic for and whatnot.
It gets him lots of prehensile tail.
Is that like an APPrehensile anus?
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!
Ia! Ia! Cthulu fthagn!
Wake me when we've got a monkey with prognosticating testicles.
Not quite a monkey, but I'm guessing you haven't been enjoying the World Cup predictions on peternorth.com?
THE GREAT OCTOPAUL HAS SPOKEN
*EXCUSE ME- SUCTIONED
The octopus is a holy animal in Tarvuism.
http://www.tarvu.com/wiki/doku.php?id=tarvuism
DRETZKA? …what are you doing here!? welcome!
Just lurking as usual. The octopus thing was strange enough that I had to interject. Even stranger now that I know an internet commenter.
Strange things are known to happen on The Awl. Bears, Machines, Babies, you know the deal.
Holy mackerel. I'd like to sponge off his forecasting.
He's been carping on his impressive results. I've haddock with him.
Just wait till he clams up. Then you'll just be floundering.
Pity England's goalkeepers didn't have eight arms.
At least seven of them would've been broken by Cockney thugs.
I imagine this means Octomom is now divine.
Hokusai could've gone to town on that imagery
Thirty-six Views of Mounting Denise Suleman.
Seventy-Two motions of Bert Cooper's Bowtie exploding with delight.
I cannot understand why this octopus is getting all the attention when there's a squid out there with an erect penis the size of its body, including tentacles.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_8792000/8792008.stm
Impressive. His friends nicknamed him nonapod.
holy crap, don't tell Japan!
So now I will dream of getting stung by jellyfish, AND penetrated by squid, which are three feet away from me. THANK YOU.
I cried a little when the octopus turned its tentacle against its homeland and predicted the loss to Spain. It added a sinister layer to the phenomenon: it is a prophet or a self-hating sorcerer?
It's okay garge. It just means España has better cheese, olives, wine, sausages, and most importantly, mariscos.
Paul was just avoiding an immediate future as a plate of pulpo de gallego by picking Spain to win.
I'm told Jon Stewart asked the SOLE
–let go of me, Jon–octopus on The Daily Show to grope him. Eight times.
As soon as I read "Yes, sure, I know some of you might be inclined to view this as a series of meaningless choices, the celebration of which shows our inability to comprehend the essentially random nature of the world without ascribing some deeper meaning to it" I knew Balk had come home. Welcome back! Did you commune with the bears in some forested glade? Or just drink bourbon and lay in front of the air conditioner in your boxers the whole week?
The Kraken has been released, and he's working with Vegas odds.
Truly, he has been touched by the hand of God.
The octopus's name? Diego Cephalopodonna.
Ugh, he's just going to squander his winnings snorting cockles.
Why an octopus? Why consult it in the first place?? Has it been asked to make predictions about other matters??? In no, why?!? When do we get to eat it, because octopus is delish???? So many questions.
How long until Paul the Psychic Octopus gives the Flying Spaghetti Monster a run for its money?
He'll never supercede my Keyboard Catholicism.
Nein stackenblocken! Nein!!
"The psychic octopus was exposed as a fraud after security camera footage revealed an aquarium keeper slipping the sports section of Der Spiegel to the cephalopod prior to the televised picks. 'It's become apparent that what we thought was a paranormal phenomenon is just an ordinary case of an mollusk reading the newspaper and making informed decisions. We are haven't felt this betrayed since we discovered that the telepathic sea stars were just picking up on body language cues and telling people what they wanted to hear. Goddamn invertebrates, am I right?'"
I SO WANT this octopus to have his own website, so I can send in questions
about my (defunct) love life, my future, and whether or not I will be
jailed for over-staying my Mexican tourist visa.
And, will he take credit cards, and PayPal?
And maybe he can tell us what's up with Squid penises, really?