Friday, July 30th, 2010

My Men of Journolist: An Empty Inbox and a Broken Heart

THE MEN OF JOURNOLISTI was tempted by Andrew Breitbart's offer of $100 grand for the full archives of Journolist-but I could never sacrifice the deep, sensual, never-ending love that Ezra Klein has given me year after year. The Daily Caller's Mark Judge may not be impressed by my dating choices ("People have made cracks about the whiteness of the list, but the other lack of diversity is the total absence of hotness"). But the heart has reasons that reason knows not, Mark. And come on, you can't NOT look into Chris Hayes' baby blues and swoon.

When Ezra turned out the lights on Journolist, he turned out the lights in my heart.

You know how sometimes you think you have something good going with someone and then they just, to put it bluntly, stop returning phone calls/texts/run away when they see you on U Street? Well, with a private email list of this magnitude, loneliness evaporates. Doesn't matter the time of day or night, ONE of them will be there, chatting away about war criminals, or GITMO, or how great Journolist itself is.

Since we live in an age of airing every little dirty secret, I'll give you a few details-free of charge!

From: Matthew Yglesias
to: Journolist
date: Fri, Jan 15, 2010
subject: PPP and health costs

Can any of the economists on the list explain to me how Purchasing
Power Parity adjustment calculations are applied to health care? It
seems to me that it would be very difficult to get an apples-to-
applies comparison of what costs are.

Have you ever experienced just like, total, pure, unadulterated satisfaction? I have. Of course, the news wasn't always good-there were hard times too.

From: Michael O'Hare
to: Journolist
date: Fri, Jan 15, 2010
subject: Not Manny!….

Fifty games!

So Mark, I know what you mean when you say that looking at the men of Journolist, you realized "once and for all that Nietzsche was wrong." The whole eternal return concept isn't so awful when you have all of Journolist to relive, again and again.

When I told my mother about my love life, she was concerned, too. "Who will wed you now?" she'd ask. What she and Andrew Breitbart both don't get is that Journolist is more than just a group of dudes emailing each other state secrets-it's also a marriage. Deal with it, NOM.

So I'd like to offer a heartfelt thank you to for posting their Journolist Yearbook-now I'll have something to always remember the best 400-odd one night stands of my life.

The anonymous author is currently shopping around for sexxy anonymous political listservs on which to lurk.

18 Comments / Post A Comment

Matt (#26)


brent_cox (#40)

By gosh, it does.

deepomega (#1,720)



Art Yucko (#1,321)

BWAHAHAHA. -shrugz-

barnhouse (#1,326)

Only imagine what kind of listservs Breitbart is on.

jaimealyse (#647)

I <3 how The Awl <3s Chris Hayes.

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

I know who this is-ah. I know who this is-ah.

Work in this business long enough, watch em all grow up through college, stand next to them at events…

Yuppers, I know who this is-AH.

heroofthebeach (#2,280)

Is it Ed Gilgore?

scroll_lock (#4,122)

Andy Rooney.

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

I'll give you both a little hint.

Think cadence. What was that Charlie Sheen movie about the black Army prisoners with his Dad going nuts and shooting at Little Orphan Annie?

Wait, no the one about Laurence Fishbern where he was yelling out "I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking base?"

Wait. Conflate that or something. Or pour milk on your cornflates and listen up.

There's an old rule of thumb that none of the writer types ever seem to get that those who ran amongst, strike that, around with the slut types: "Everyone has sex the way they dance." Which is why you never got picked for sex or ladies choice, btw.

That's why successful anonymititties usually adopt a character actor pose when trying to write anonymitically.

So, for example if you didn't want someone to know you were the one outside their bedroom window every night, you would write like you were Harrison Ford's character in Night Shift.

Lefties just don't understahnd. Pass me the the submit button, dearie. Thahnk you kindly.

NinetyNine (#98)

Man, Joe Klein just can't let it go.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

This reads best in Eartha Kitt's voice.

Lockheed Ventura (#5,536)

What was the scandal here again? Journalists email one another?

Tim Fernholz (#6,463)

The earth moved for me, too.

petejayhawk (#1,249)

This post was written in the style of Dan Brown.

*makes feeble pun involving the word "pole-itical"*

SidAndFinancy (#4,328)

That photo array looks familiar. The P-Funk All-Stars, right?

simmonslcsw (#6,475)

It's the sinister quality of the Journolisters that make them so sexy. Such evil people. Draculas every one, especially when they get into statistics. Who wouldn't have a thing for Dracula? Mark engaged in reaction formation when he trashed them.

Post a Comment