Juggalos Gather Once More
It's that time of year again! Chaucer put it best in his original draft for the Canterbury Tales:
Whan that Auguste, with his percing sonne,
July's warme whither makes neerly donne
And every tanke-toppe be drenched in swette,
And odour no bodie spray can maks't forgette;
Sleeping Zephirus no wind provides
Tis best to sit and drinkke St. Ides
Or the ice of the Russian, Smirnof he be called
Than ronne the risk of a methlab scald,
The hour commes round where folk longen goes
To the Gathering of the Juggalos
Yep, it is time for the 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos! (Mark your calendar, it's August 12th-15th.) This video is practically parody-proof, because these people know exactly what they're doing. Feel free to dip in and out, although I suggest giving the first five minutes some serious attention-I'm particularly curious about these promised seminars. What topics do you suppose they'll be discussing? In any event, the announcement that comedians Tom Green and Gallagher ("the original Gallagher! Not that fake ass Gilligan motherfucker!") will be performing adds a certain level of gravitas to an already impressive line-up. Have a grand time, juggalos and juggalettes, you've earned it.
The watermelon smashing Gallagher? I'm confused….although I recently learned he is a deranged homophobe: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/gallagher-is-a-paranoid-right-wing-watermelon-smashing-maniac/Content?oid=4357855
http://www.avclub.com/articles/gallagher,36622/
He sounds like a real asshole.
I couldn't get through that interview. After reading the Ask a Juggalo for Romance Advice on Nerve (they weren't bad!) I gave them better credit for taste.
Wow, that Gallagher article was not what I would have expected.
"I cannot believe Bill Hicks is dead and this motherfucker is still touring." Amen.
I'm most horrified/disappointed by the exchange about guys with baggy pants, in which Gallagher weirdly misinterprets of a fairly common (if crude) term for an asshole into a term for a brown dick. Racist?
FINALLY someone thought to put Gallagher and two dozen hip- hop acts on the same bill. Perfect!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atlFO1EldXI
Seems as good a time as any to post this video. The horror…
Wow. That SNL skit was incredibly accurate.
R.I.P. Ass Dan.
9:00 – And I do mean, everything…
*stares into your soul and steals knowledge of inner workings of magnets*
Why do you suppose woodworking tools of any kind are not allowed at the gathering? Very curious.
Here's a place nearby to stay: "Rim Rock's Dog Wood Cabins."
I'm sure that's been long sold out.
Now we know why Eliot originally wrote "August is tha dopest month, biotechs."
I didn't know Eliot was addressing bioengineers!
Auto-correction replaces joke with poem, yet again.
He does have good dick jokes.
Fuckin' A BETTER.
Can't sleep, clowns will dance to bad music.
Can't sleep, clowns will dance to bad music.
Fucking Anti-Anxiety Meds, When Will They Work?!
There are seminars? Those might be worth the price of admission alone:
-Health Care Reform and The Effect on the Small BusinessJuggalo
-Refinancing Your Chattel Mortgage
-Selling Your Children in A Buyers Market
-Thats My Faygo, B*tch – Conflict Resolution Tools
-Magnets – Just How They Work
Comradery? They are putting the "rad" in it.
I prefer camaraderie, but you know, punk rock snob.
Hee. Great minds.
But they won me back over with the promise of Jimmy Superfly Snuka. I want to see that guy back up on the hot rope.
I had to memorize the opening lines to Canterbury tales, in the middle English, as a senior in HS. I can still remember it but I can't remember my mobile number.
This much Canterbury Tales and the Gathering of the Juggalos have in common:
At some point, someone will fart in someone else's face.
What sorts of items are restricted?
*Anything that makes others faint, duck, or vomit
So much for Tom Green.
And the band.
I'm not sure how Gallagher doesn't hit all three of these.
I'm not sure how the whole event and everyone attending doesn't hit all three of these.
Gallagher Too couldn't even swing a second stage slot…?
The provides / St. Ides rhyme was quite nice, actually.
The poem is lovely, Balk. Perhaps you should spearhead Moby Dick -or- The Juggalo.
Meanwhile, it reminded me of this ILX thread, in which several users translate the lyrics of "Miracles" into old tyme verse. This is my favorite, by J0hn D.:
For once, when at the Frisco bay,
with Faygo and in pensive mood,
a pelican my cellphone ate
or tried to, which I thought was rude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
to recognize these mirakills.
As worthy of ridicule as they may be, if someone stood me up right now and asked me how fucking magnets work, exactly, I am fairly sure I would be like "uh, the electrons are all lined up, or something, and maybe some thingy with orbitals? Anyway, there is a field. An invisible, spinny field. That comes out of the metal. Right."
anyone else think its funny that an infomercial is the mode of advertisement here? as if someone who wasn't sold after the first ten minutes eventually came around at about 15 and thought, "y'know they actually make a pretty solid pitch, I WILL gather with the juggalos this year".
THEY COME BEARING GIFTS OF MIRACULOUS MAGNETS
I look forward to the Gallagher/Victoria Jackson "Smashing America-Hating Libruls Good-Time Family Hour" premier on the Patriot Network (formerly Comedy Central) circa 2013.
Will Sarah Pain be there? Seems like her peeps.
The idea of actually attending this is horrifyingly lame but the line up has some people I wouldn't mind seeing. Thankfully the gathering seems like something I could go to in disguise without being conspicuous. The trilby and overcoat I wore to that justin bieber show had some of the parents giving me the eye.