"[U]se the right hand; a complete grip and a firm squeeze (but not too strong); a cool and dry palm; approximately three shakes, with a medium level of vigour, held for no longer than two to three seconds. The handshake must also be executed with eye contact kept throughout and a good natural smile with an appropriate verbal statement, according to the scientist."
-Geoffrey Beattie, head of psychological sciences at the University of Manchester (UK), has developed a mathematical formula which solves the age-old procedural questions surrounding the metacarpal salutation.
Friday, July 16, 2010
27
Funny, that'se exactly how I like ... awe, nevermind
I like to sit on my left hand until it falls asleep and then I pretend that a hot stranger is shaking my hand.
*call me
How To Fucking Shake Hands With The Unemployed
I like to finish with a light butt-slap to check for firmness.
Emily Post asserts that it's expected a women will twiddle a man's unit to check for flaccidity or bonage. The thoughtful gentleman arrives at full staff to eliminate this extra step.
It's the polite thing to do.
As a femilady, I hate it when men (and lots of women) give the weak-ass perfunctory grasp of your fingers instead of a full handshake like they think women can't give/receive "real" handshakes. Grow the eff up.
And I hate it when women (and quite a few men) give a weak-ass perfunctory grasp of my fingers instead of a full handshake like they think women aren't supposed to give/receive "real" handshakes.
I love to give - and receive - the milkman handshake.
@BadU: What do you do for the lactose intolerant, i.e. lesbians?
That would be the "Carpet Trimmer" - too difficult to describe here.
...and when you've got their eyes locked onto you, that's when you stick'em with the shiv.
This is awful. Now I can't get "The Hokey Pokey" out of my skull.
That's what it's awl about.
_sad trombone_
I like to gently finger the palm with my middle finger while subtly winking.
I would like to shake your hand!
Niiiight-club jiiiiitters.
I prefer to be more direct. Pulling the person into a bear hug, then hopping up and wrapping my legs around their waist seems to get the message across.
With some people I prefer to rub my middle finger under my ball sack beforehand and then tickle the palm during the handshake.
I want to be some people.
"Close your hand into a fist, while extending the middle finger. Look directly into the other person's eye and firmly - yet without raising your voice - invite he or she to pull."
Oh, a medium level of vigour!
Never forget to give your hand a good, long licking beforehand, to maximize saliva-to-saliva contact.
"Appropriate verbal statement[s]" include:
"Don't worry, I'm not contagious anymore."
"I just peed but I ALWAYS wash my hands after."
"Wow. Your hand is really damp and cold! Creepy!"
"We're still training it."