Festering American Hellhole Claims To Be Marginally Less Odoriferous Than Generally Acknowledged
"Deserved or not, making fun of New Jersey is practically an American tradition. And a crop of recent TV shows that revel in Garden State stereotypes, such as MTV's Jersey Shore and Bravo's Real Housewives of New Jersey, hasn't helped matters. But now, some in the so-called Armpit of America are fighting back with 'Jersey Doesn't Stink' – that's the name of a month-old campaign that aims to dispel the "Dirty Jersey" stereotype. Its centerpiece is jerseydoesntstink.com, a website that features videos of impassioned New Jerseyans standing up for their state; form letters protesting Jersey Shore, Real Housewives of New Jersey, and the Style Network's Jerseylicious; and a 'digital fight kit' that includes T-shirt iron-ons, fliers, and picket signs that read, 'We Smell Better Than You Think.'" [Via]
I saw a billboard advertising this site on my way back from DC a few weeks ago!
(Also, I love 'Jerseylicious.' Mainly because it could be set on Long Island, but isn't.)
Is it me, or does Air Freshener Man suffer from Ray Liotta Face?
(IT'S SO AGRO-CRAGGY.)
Agro Crag reference = legitimate lol
Ray Liotta was born in Newark!
New Jersey packs more in 170 exits than most other states can dream about.
Word.
Then I recommend a re-brand for "the chemcical coast."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chemical_Coast
Air fresheners are chemicals too.
Roundabouts? They're called circles, you jackass.
*flips bird; honks horn; makes passive-aggressive comments about your inadequacies as an operator of your automotive conveyance machine.
And yet no talk of Jughandles and full-service gasoline. Play to your strengths, Dirty Jerz.
And you take your life into your hands on every one. People complain about the ones down here in DC and I laugh and laugh.
When I was getting my permit, on the first driving lesson I ever took, the instructor led me through Tonnelle Circle in Jersey City, aka the Circle of Death. I'd never been more terrified. They've since added some more ramps and traffic lights, sparing countless young student drivers.
My dad laughs when he goes to visit his sister at how people in NJ STOP and don't know how to use a roundabout despite their pervasiveness in the state.
And as soons as he crosses the state line into NJ he starts driving like a fucking madman.
In VT he will stop in the middle of the road to let people in, but as soon as he goes through that first toll booth its like fucking Hunter Thompson is driving a minivan with a little Jewish woman in the passenger seat with her eyes squeezed shut and screaming for her life.
@keisertroll Jughandles are our way of saying, "You wanna go left do you? OH SNAP! YOU GOTTA GO TO THE RIGHT! YOU'RE TOTALLY FUCKED!" Love those things.
The first time I ever pumped my own gas, I was driving up to Cape Cod to visit my girlfriend. I wound up spilling gasoline all over my hands because I didn't shake out the nozzle when I pulled it out of the tank. I had to drive another two hours in 98 degree heat (the car was overheating so I couldn't use the AC) with poison gasoline fumes wafting in my face. So yeah, I wish a professional could have done that for me.
My mom learned how to drive on Tonnelle Ave in the 60s. 30 years later, she almost killed my sisters and I getting onto the Skyway over there.
Also, can I throw in Route 22? Not only is it the world's largest stripmall, but it has the giant boat in the middle of the highway that used to be (Nobody Beats) the Wiz. Plus the terrifying driving and the absence of exits and on-ramps guarantees at least one brush with death between Mountainside and Hillside.
Ooh, I know that entrance to the Skyway. When I had to take it regularly about 15 years ago, there was a guy who would sit on a milk crate and tell people when to go. He saved my butt many times.
And that boat! Before the Wiz I think it was a furniture store? I remember driving by it as a kid wondering how a boat got there.
My friend's dad grew up near Route 22 in the 60s and would regale us with stories of how they used to drag race down Route 22 since it wasn't much more than dirt roads.
That's the Flagship. It's a PC Richards now.
http://www.pcrichard.com/custserv/content.jsp?pageName=store62
The boat was my "almost home" sign on the way home from Irish dancing competitions out in Queens or Long Island. All pristine and white, rising out of the horizon. I'm always disappointed when I pass it now because it's so much smaller than I remember in my childhood.
My dad's favorite story involving the boat involves him being in a state of inebriation driving home from the bowling alley and wondering how the hell a boat got into the middle of the road. He made it home ok.
This is brilliant.
Few other states can boast such condom-free beaches.
Also, few other states can boast such high teen-pregnancy rates.
Hold on, you have not been to Gloucester, MA recently, have you?
Gloucester, home of the pregnancy pact
Something something smell covered by Axe Body Spray.
I had a spit-take.
In all seriousness, when my folks would drive me home from school in Boston, I'd almost always be napping in the back seat toward the end of the ride. And like clockwork, every time we approached the Casciano Bridge on the Turnpike extension going toward Exit 14A, as we passed Continental Gypsum on the right and the Passaic Valley Sewarge Commissioners treatment facility on the left, the smell-a mix of dish soap and low tide-would wake me up, and I'd know the drive was almost over. So yeah, Jersey stinks. It stinks like home.
@boyofdestiny: I like! Punch it up with some commentary on how the non-NJites are all "vicious" and "condescending" with their elitist odorsnarking, and pitch that sucker to Salon.
Tremendous idea, Gef. I can clearly get behind this "Jersey Doesn't Stink" movement, but one of the more distasteful things about it is that it gains most of its momentum by throwing significant portions of the state under the bus. Like the guy from High Point who says "My primary thought was that the whole state looks like the turnpike around Newark Airport," or the woman who says "not everyone in New Jersey sounds like they're from Bergen County." Well, hey! I grew up across the bay from Newark Airport, and I thought it was pretty alright.
The fact is, most of the people in New Jersey live across the river from New York or Philadelphia, or where shows like Jersey Shore take place. I'm all for defending the state from its detractors. But I kind of feel like I have to defend it from its defenders, too.
I might write about this. Thanks for getting me going, Gef.
Dish soap and low tide is better than what used to permeate the car windows as we drove through Elizabeth on the way from DC to Connecticut…
Boyofdestiny is the Garrison Keillor of New Jersey. He's Joyce Kilmer, if Joyce Kilmer could convey beauty through words. Or, like Philip Roth, but edgier.
@bitter: You wanna say something about Elizabeth? I'll see you outside.
In Bayonne, every time someone remarked that there was an odd odor in town, we would always say "Oh, no, that smell is just blowing over from Elizabeth."
Elmora is just fine. I didn't think that the industrial part of Elizabeth was fit for human habitation, but in any case, I have never detected a smell.
Iron-ons? I wasn't aware they were still around.
"We smell better than you think" isn't quite the same as "We smell great."
Temporizing, like The Smell, is pervasive in New Jersey.
The Smell is the new Situation.
Since I live in South Jersey, we just blame that smell on Camden, the Delaware River, all these Superfund sites, and Ali Larter.
Wawa eases the pain.
How are you celebrating Hoagiefest?
Hangin' with my Shortis.
Goldie's Kosher Truck Parts in Kearny smells like fucking victory to me, bitchez.
I happen to have an unusually sensitive nose, and can state with confidence that in 18+ years of living in New Jersey, I never once detected a scent that could remotely compare with the clouds of odor I now walk through daily on Market Street in San Francisco.