Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

An Open Letter to Joggers: People Are Trying To Smoke Here!

OR WE CAN AGREE TO DO BOTHDear Prospect Park runner:

You've asked the smokers along your running route to "abide by the unwritten rules of smoking appropriateness and do not harsh the mellow of my running space with nicotine clouds." In return for this favor, you will "suspend the overly-theatrical waving away of your smoke clouds and the pulling of my shirt over my head to block the polluted air when you walk past." Well, as gracious as that offer is, the smoking population of this city would rather you not suspend these flailing motions of yours. We find those quite humorous!

Instead, the multitudes of nicotine-addled men and women will probably continue to smoke in a variety of areas, including stoops, fire escapes, certain bars after certain hours, and-yes-parks. If the aromatic plumes happen to waft over toward your chosen path of exercise, there's not much the smokers can do about it. Perhaps there is another route you can plan for yourself?

Or maybe even another city where you can take this lovely route of yours?

Meanwhile, please keep up those hilarious arm movements that you so cruelly threaten to take away.

With gratitude,

One smoker

23 Comments / Post A Comment

joeks (#5,805)

If you really want to be a pariah try smoking a cigarette within .5 miles of any person in Portland. Someone could be performing a late-term abortion right next to you and you'd STILL get the stinkeye.

Nice work Nate, a week out of Duke and you are already writing on behalf of the entire smoking populace of NYC. Usually that sense of NYC entitlement takes one to two months.

Tulletilsynet (#333)

The entitlement process is expedited in Park Slope.

sox (#652)

"I learned it from you, Dads."

The entitlement process is also expedited at Duke.

Tulletilsynet (#333)

This would me want to smoke again so I could cloud the path of a Prospect Park jogger, except that the Daily News picture of joggerblogger and aspiring marathonist Lauren Johnston suggests that her shirt-over-head threat might be a credible deterrent. I picture, how shall I say, a certain stringiness. And now I'll go post this on Jezebel.

Makes me want to move back to Brooklyn.

Lauren Johnston (#6,157)

Dear Smoker: I didn't know the flailing motions were so appreciated. I'll keep them up sure. I have no problem with wafting. Who can control that? I'm talking about the concerted walking on the actual running trail while smoking … and I'm sure NYC has enough room for the both of us. Anyways, thanks for reading my blog. hugs, prospect park runner

katiebakes (#32)

(pops popcorn)

katiebakes (#32)

Actually, speaking of popcorn, how annoying is it when someone makes some in the office microwave? God, talk about WAFTING.

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

"thanks for reading my blog. hugs, prospect park runner"

A blog? A runner? More like: DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER.
Talk about stinking up the place.

@katiebakes: Popcorn-stank in the office is bad, but it barely eclipses the true nastiness of artificial-maple-brown-sugar-flavored instant oatmeal miasma. I don't know why they eat it, either — some Weight Watchers thing, apparently.

Unfortunately the oatmeal tastes like barf.

I actually like the smell, in a "Time to hit up the cafe for a dozen full-calorie cinnamon buns!" fashion.

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

You better watch out smokers. The unwritten rules just went written!

Shit just got textualized.

Dear Lauren:

A thousand pardons. I'll move my Weber Smokey Joe off of the jogging path.

BTW, want some chicken? You are totally invited to my niece's Quinceañera.

With gratitude,

Brown People

HiredGoons (#603)

Parks: public space.

Gyms: private space.

bb (#295)

yeah, I have to say, I am a runner and I kind of think people smoking outdoors is part of the deal with running in a populated city. Come down to Philly, Lauren, I'll bring you through some trash stink that makes Chinatown smell like the Jardin des Tuileries.

The best running route in my old city was by the sanitation plant. It encouraged speedwork and breath control simultaneously (while cursing fffd up civic planning sotto voce.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

This reeks of missing the forest for the trees. If you think breathing in a little second-hand cigarette smoke is somehow worse for you than breathing in NYC's regular air I've got a bridge to sell you.

the Loud Coast (#1,362)

Yeah, I looked this up once. There has only been a couple of studies about second hand smoke in outdoor space, and what they found was that you would have to stand pretty close to a person smoking to pick up any at all, like within 1.5 meters, so for a person running past someone standing or walking on a narrow path, they are only in this zone for about a second.

garge (#736)

Just please don't breathe smoke on Suzanne Somers because then she goes on voluntary dialysis and it is really sad.

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