Alaskan Dumbass Telenovela Finally Heats Up!
I stopped watching this show early in season two, because 1. not enough vampires! and 2. I just didn't see where it could go after the crushing season one finale, when plotting bipolar matriarch Sarah Palin lost her chance to run the "United States of America." Plots just don't work when they scale down, you know? Then season two got very Twin Peaks: Sarah quit her job, her daughter's baby-daddy Levi tried to become a porn star through appearing in Fleshworld magazine, and I was like, there is nothing here of narrative importance or interest for me! Well, the show has gone uncanceled, because the network has nothing else, and at the top of season three, it was revealed that a pesky evil spy had moved in to the house next door to Sarah. This was a good start, but there wasn't much to look at, because mostly Sarah spent all her time in her house, unemployed, chatting with friends on Facebook and Twitter. (I mean, history will prove most likely that this is going to be an amazing historical representation of America, but it's still not much to look at in the here and now.) So now it's last-ditch ratings gusto! This is like sweeps week, except this channel is way too subpar to register on Nielsen! Bristol and Levi, the parents of the baby that, in season one, everyone thought was secretly Sarah's, have reunited! The subplot for the rest of season three is that they're "scared" about what Sarah Palin is going to say when she finds out that they're engaged! I wonder how she will find out! Maybe someone will post a copy of the cover of Us on Sarah's Facebook wall!?
I just realized that this little kid will be our president one day, unless oil spills mercifully put us out of our misery before that happens.
The kid does seem to know something. A lot more than the other two in the picture, actually.
For starters, "Hey. I'm blond."
such an Omen vibe.
Damian's all grown-up and armed with a MySpace Page
I think he's totally going to look like Blain from Pretty in Pink when grows up. And he'll probably act like him too, which would be perfect.
"Look at me, Damien! It's all for you!"
Trip? Trip?? That's not a name, that's a major appliance.
"Hi. It's me. Listen. I have to be Governor again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I frickin' KNOW there's someone sitting at my desk!! Can't we just, you know, move him outside, or something? Look, I know a bear, in Nome, who will help. I'll give you the number."
abstinence sucks. in a bad way.
Do we know that Levi does not have a long lost twin?
This is 'Black Lodge' Levi.
This is the Kennedy's America deserves.
"Kenndys": Apparently, I deserve them too.
I give up.
-Arctic wind gust, yacht flips over-
Midnight snow machine wreck, himbo drowns in creek–
Buttless Chappaquiddick.
Keeping Up With the Assholians
Came a lot.
I Did Her Odd.
Hyenea's Port Charles
As The World Doesn't Turn Because It Is Flat.
Guiding Right.
Juneau Shore
All My Children, And My Children's Children, Some of Whom Are Also My Children
Anchorage.
General Apostle
Don't you remember that episode in Season 1 where some smart-ass New York b*tch was all, "So what magazines do you read?" and Sarah was like, "all of 'em"??
SHE'S GOING TO FIND OUT!
Lets hope, for the kids' sake, she reads them in alphabetical order, to buy them some time!
Well this is a damn perfect analysis.
http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/7/2008/09/340x_palinpeaks.jpg
I take it that Trig is the backwards talking midget in this scenario?
I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED A CHANCE TO MAKE AN 'INVITATION TO LOVE' JOKE. I'M SO FUCKING STUPID.
I never noticed how much you and Trig have in common until just this moment.
We are both breast men.
Does McCain get to be Bob?
@STC: I was thinking more of the short bus and fondness for juice boxes.
It's a Capri Sun, scrolly. It's a juice pouch.
Stop putting your boy thing in the Play Doh extruder. I'm not telling you again.
This is a damn savvy move for Team Palin. I call hijinks!
That's on top of the other subplot about the meth factories.
Are we sure Levi is the father? One of those things is not like the others.
Season 4?
@ Slava:
In season 4 attention will shift to Willow, who will finally be old enough for boy trouble of her own. And Piper, who begins an elaborate, vintage-Disney-film inspired plot to be adopted by a family of East Coast liberals who only watch PBS and think a "snow machine" is what you use to clean the driveway after a blizzard.
I'm with Slava. Where the fuck did that pale skin, the blond hair and the blue eyes come from? I think Bristol was bangin' some other updated model.
'Don't take the ring, Bristol.'
Well, that's a shrewd move on Levi's part. Get back into the inner circle, get some more dirt, and have something to sell when 2012 rolls around. Now that they have that SarahPAC slush fund money, god knows what kind of malfeasance they are up to.
That, and he probably can't get any work.
No, he cannot.
But, like Jon Gosselin, he has entered a sub-D-list celebrity realm beyond mere "work." There are enough third-tier nightclub openings and red carpets to keep Levi in Cheetos.
*muffled sobs*
Oh, Kathy. Poor, lucky Kathy Griffin.
She done got vajazzled for nothin'.
More and more I see what Carol Matthau meant when she said, "No one ever marries above or beneath themselves."
The Palins, a family that keeps on giving.
Hang in there! Next season lolCait joins as long lost Cousin Oliver. And Ruth Buzzi plays his Mom!
She looks older than her mother in that picture, and Levi's all Pacey-ed out. Ick.
Wait! what's he doing with Shannon doherty?
Well played, "Ricky Hollywood." Well. Played.
When I read the headline, I thought it said, "WE'RE GETTING USED!"
PLEASE let Grace Zabriskie play SP in the inevitable Youtube mashup.
Wow, just can't wait to find out what happens this year. Will Bristol really follow through or will Daddy Todd ride in on his ATV and bust up the wedding and throw Levi overboard of the Salmon boat? Will he fit him w/ cement waders? Stay tuned.