The LeBron thing happened and he went to Miami, and you may be left wondering how to react to the whole thing. Does he love me? Does he want me? Is he going to call me like he said he would? Is this really his real phone number? Worry not, the Internet has been really busy telling you how to think about this.
If you are in Cleveland or New York City, you definitely hate LeBron. Even if you are an adorable grandmother.
If you own the Cleveland Cavaliers, you hate LeBron (in Comic Sans). Like, really hate. REALLY.
If you are an acclaimed film director, you hate LeBron.
If you govern New York, you are perplexed and unimpressed with LeBron.
If you are a Canadian music superstar, you are surprised but congratulatory.
If you're LeBron's former teammate, you're definitely mad at LeBron.
If you write about sports, you really, really, really, hate LeBron. But also, everything he stands for.
If you wrote a glowing book and op-ed about LeBron (actual quotation: "there are few things better in all of sports than watching him interact with children"), you now hate LeBron, his fans, his show, Greenwich, Connecticut, the Internet and apparently basketball. And you are incoherent.
If you're Lance Bass or anyone else, you're on your own.
Speaking for Miami, our LeBron excitement has been temporarily overshadowed by our Seantrell Henderson excitment: http://nyti.ms/dt5RM5
That and the fact 90 percent of us realized we will never be able to afford to attend a Heat game ever again.
LeBron James: Whenever I look at him, I have to remind myself that guy is 25 years old. Because he looks about 36. Maybe Miami is getting a raw deal; a player at the end of his playability.
Could have been worse. Could have been Greg Oden.
I didn't know Balk wore a Livestrong bracelet.
90 percent of us realized we will never again be able to afford to attend the second quarter, go to the bar, and then return for the end of the 4th quarter again. If the game is close and of sufficient star power, that is. How bout those Marlins!?
The Miami Heat? Why did they name the team after the worst thing about the city? It's like having a basketball team called The Dallas Book Depositories.
(Not my joke)
The Miami Stone Crab Legs doesn't sound quite fierce enough, methinks.
The Marielitos. I think that would be better.
"This is paradise, I'm tellin' ya. This town like a great big pussy just waiting to get fucked." T. Montana
That's awesome. And I never knew what the sample used for "Throw Some Ds..." was before. Thanks, Jordan!
I would recommend this profile of the DeBarge family from 2007--apparently they were rivals to the Jackson? That couldn't have been true ever, right?
And speaking of ruined reputations, the Chris Brown article in that issue makes for interesting reading these days.
http://books.google.com/books?id=pCYEAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA112&lpg=PA112&dq=the+rise+and+fall+of+debarge&source=bl&ots=HO5P3dI_ip&sig=Oug5RW6dUkhwUy8VMAuC9eYQnHw&hl=en&ei=gjcFTIvGEoOB8ga76eHdDQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6&ved=0CDAQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q=the%20rise%20and%20fall%20of%20debarge&f=false
Y'all probably don't know this, but Comic Sans is one of the official fonts of the Cavs. Seriously, look at the "Cavs.com" writtn down the sidelines.
Can one of you mansplain the $17.41 / Benedict Arnold thing? My history skills are null and void.
1741 was the date of the duel with Aaron Burr and Hamilton.
But if you're Tommy Craggs of Deadspin, you do not hate him at all. In fact, you do not understand the hate against him the first place.
http://deadspin.com/5583152/counterpoint-lebron-james-is-not-a-cocksucker
Hat tip to the 1996 Santa Barbara T-Ball All-City League Champions (team name: The Drooling Devils) for the sad Cleveland grandma picture.
That Bissinger vs. Leitch clip... holy god. Where to begin? I've read Bissinger's twitter, and everything he has beef with where Deadspin is concerned in that clip is something he's guilty of on twitter multiple times a day. Course, it's from 2 years ago, so maybe he's made the "if you can't beat em, join em" decision since then?
What so astonishing is that it was ONLY TWO YEARS AGO. It plays like Joe McCarthy cross-examining Hugh Hefner. You keep waiting for the set to be struck by lightning.
Bissinger should have won an award for not falling sideways out of his chair. It's good he didn't, because Braylon Edwards would have dropped him.
"'s" up there, plz. Itz earli.
Hey, don't forget that Akron hates LeBron more than anybody!
http://gochitchat.com/2010/07/going-too-far-new-signs-posted-in-akron-ohio-by-the-city-akron-hates-lebron/