Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

Soon You Will Need to Take Out A Bank Loan For A Pack Of Cigarettes

That's a buck twenty right thereAttention New York City smokers: You have 8 days left to purchase cigarettes at the what-will-soon-seem-reasonable price of $10. Starting July 1 the state is adding another buck sixty a pack in taxes, which, you know, HOLY SHIT IF ANYTHING IS GOING TO TURN ME INTO A RAVING TEA PARTY LOON IT WILL BE THIS. Seriously, this is going to be a pretty excellent test of "how stupid am I?" If I'm actually pulling out twelve dollars-because you know that's what it's going to get rounded up to-for twenty Marlboro Reds (sixty cents a cigarette, if you're scoring at home; good luck trying to bum an "extra" smoke from anyone ever again) I need to take a long, hard look at my life choices and reconsider my options. You know, the more I think about it, the more I'm sure I'm going to quit (buying cigarettes in New York State). Anyone know how much the PATH costs these days?

38 Comments / Post A Comment

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

$4 a pack in the suburbs of Chicago. Location, location, location.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I'd feel sorry for anyone living in a place that doesn't have Smokes-4-Less stores.
Were I still a smoker, that is.

saythatscool (#101)

How many commenters live in Chicago? I am trying to take a headcount. I'm tired of NYC getting all the fun bawls.

petejayhawk (#1,249)

I maintain a residence in the Windy City, but find myself mostly in Kansas these days.

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

Obviously me, and I think KarenUhOh is in Chicago too.

petejayhawk (#1,249)

Batavia, if memory serves.

Gurren Lagann (#5,066)

Lake County only. Cook County is almost as bad as NYC.

Mike Riggs (#3,658)

Fuck those thieving squares.

oldirtybassist (#3,630)
brent_cox (#40)

Friend of mine used to do that, until I pointed out to him that NYS was convincing cig etailers to turn over customer records for the purpose of tracking down back taxes.

garge (#736)

I always assumed they were also in bed with the health insurance industry.

oldirtybassist (#3,630)

Fuck me, I got beer money flipping these Sophomore year. Wonder when the piper will come calling.

sigerson (#179)

Let me know if you want me to stop by the Shinnecock Indian Reservation in Southampton to pick up some tax free cartons for you. Old Montauk Highway's finest!

Miles Klee (#3,657)

sometimes i think i'll take up smoking just to have an excuse to drive on the old montauk highway

Well, I think we have to look at some Very Recent History on this one… once upon a time, before the Evil IRS existed, which is a branch of the One World Bank and the Secret World NATO Government, our entire government ran on ad valorem taxes, cigarettes and alcohol!

In 1880, 31% of the government's income was cigarette taxes. "Between 1910 and 1920, they increased more than 500%, the greatest increase in any single decade. By 1970, they accounted for almost $2.1 billion." [National Commission on Marijuana and Drug Abuse]

Tuna Surprise (#573)

Hey, buddy. Take that comment over to Slate where it belongs.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

Or, you could choose to live in a tobacco-growing state, where prices are generally kept low by subsidies and such. You might be surrounded by rednecks, but hey- (-sssuck, drags up nose-) the Tareytons were only $3.50!

deepomega (#1,720)

So what I'm hearing is, all good patriots should smoke?

El Matardillo (#586)

Hahahahahaha. Hope and change.

I commute to CT every day. I could hook you up, if you like. That's where I buy mine.

NicFit (#616)

Just buy like 10 packs every time you see the Chinese lady in the bar selling them for $7 a pack.

El Matardillo (#586)

$60 for 10! You pay now!

garge (#736)

That sounds very lucrative!

Matt Cherette (#2,720)

I love that lady so much.

Alex, I'm in Jersey. We can do a little hand-off on the avenue. I will be the tallish blonde in a trench coat humming, "Would You Like to Buy an O."

saythatscool (#101)

What ya got on under that coat, sweet thang?

Coupla vowels, some Annick Goutal perfume, stuffed animals I got from an injured carnie. Whatcha need?

saythatscool (#101)

I'll take two ducks, Duckwoman.

Aw, Duckman! Where is he now?

saythatscool (#101)

I believe I read that he died several years ago. But I am not a hundred percent certain.

purefog (#999)

The Feds are continuing to barge in on our act too. Soon, tobacco will be deemed a "noxious substance" no longer fit for transport by USPS (it thus joining the ranks of FedEx and UPS). This will leave us economy-minded junkies in the hinterlands, ordering roll-your-own off the internet, SOL (a place we headed off for last April when the federal tax on RYO suddenly jumped from 1% to 25%). Why, it's enough to make one switch to blissfully unregulated heroin.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Take out a loan for smokes? I sense the next bubble.

Soon, cigarettes will be so costly that smokers will be (once again) viewed as wealthy, sophisticated, and glamorous.

Getting a wicked case of preemptive irritation at the thought of anyone, anywhere, ever again trying to sidle up to me with that faux-sheepish grin and casually ask for (and implicitly expect — can't you just see it in their eyes?) my "extra".

roboloki (#1,724)

can i have that short?

IBentMyWookie (#133)

It's like they don't *want* you to look cool.

shelven (#1,992)

You can use your metrocard on it, and I will be so thrilled to host you in my back garden! There's even a nice Indian man who sells your brand in a store near me for about $7, not going to investigate why.

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