Thursday, June 10th, 2010

New York City: Still Full of Heathers

spandexYou're a spiffy kiddo in the big city! You've gotten a job (okay, an internship) at Conde Nast! This is awesome. And of course you work there because you're fashion-forward, and smarter than those jerks back in high school in [funny-sounding name of semi-rural American city goes here]. But now here you are, in the glamorous cafeteria, grabbing some quick edamame or something. And, guess what? The bigger girls are taking stealth pictures of you and making fun of your outfit on Facebook. I'm sorry, it's true! You need to know this.

It's okay. I still think you're great.

44 Comments / Post A Comment

brianvan (#149)

Heathers gonna hate.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

Likewise, Christian Slater gonna bait.

deepomega (#1,720)

I try to only wear spandex under a skirt, myself.

hockeymom (#143)

Spanks are your friend.

Ribs (#2,690)

Spanks? Sounds hot.

City_Dater (#2,500)

It's okay, Little Intern. They're all just jealous you can fit your tiny ass in those things.

And anyway, you, your leggings and your booties can probably get a job at American Apparel.

flossy (#1,402)

They may be wrong, but they're not incorrect.

dham (#4,652)

You think the spandex w/ kicks is worse than the ill-fitting beige-on-beige sweater and cords combo to stage right?

All the "OMG is that a dude" comments point to a too-specific kind of fashion shaming.

Moral of the story: High school never ends.

Abe Sauer (#148)

Wait, NOW protecting Facebook identities is Ok?!

brent_cox (#40)

That's not a substantial amount of identity protection.

doubled277 (#2,783)

it's more than they deserved

I don't know. Dude seems all right.

cherrispryte (#444)

WTF is the dress code at Conde Nast!?

jennie (#25)

fuck me with a chainsaw

LolCait (#460)

You can tell the poor kid is self-conscious about the outfit from here. And that's all the way from a computer screen shot of a camera picture on a Facebook page.

He went for it! But it didn't work out. Ah well.

cuiveen (#370)

I think I wore that outfit in 1990.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

Exactly. (I certainly didn't go that far, but I did do the motocross boot thing.)

hockeymom (#143)

Note the "crossed arms of disapproval" of the Anna Wintour wanna-be, screen right.

I had assumed those were the Crossed Arms of the Salad Queue, but you may be right.

Oh, Helen, you twat, lay off the over-punctuation. It screams Midwestern-stay-at-home-Mom.

Sakurambobomb (#1,722)

Yes, right, because the boys at GQ are the ones who should be the arbiters and enforcers of gender norms.

Screen Name (#2,416)

re: Bryan XXXXX "omg, gq does not endorse"
OMG, GQ also does not endorse that hat. I sense a bald spot is hiding.

re: Doug XXXXX "please tell me thats a girl with really broad shoulds"
Please tell me that's not a spray-on tan.

re: Peter XXXXX "is spandex ever OK?"
Nice bow tie. Who are you, Mr. Roark?

re: Marc XXXXX "HA! hilarious"
HA! Looks like "Mr. Roark" just found his Herve Villechaize

re: Doug XXXX spanx?
Nah, not yet. Looks like you'll be able to go maybe one more summer. But after that…

re: XXXXX "glamour also does not endorse. problematic"
It's OK, you can always get your nose done later, after the promotion.

re: Helen XXXXX "I don't know whether to laugh or cry!!!"
That's nothing a series of well-placed Botox injections can't fix.

re: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX "HAHAHA, Please at least tell me that is a girl."
HAHAHA, Please at least tell me that is a wig.

re: Enrico "There are so many things wrong with that….."
There are so many things wrong with that….first name on an adult.

re: Nicholas XXXXXXXXXX "is that Corey XXXXX?? hah, sorry corey, I kid"
Is that a double chin your profile pic is hiding? Hah, Sorry Nicholas, I kid.

See, it's easy, if neither fun nor creative.

petejayhawk (#1,249)

Wow, someone really likes, and is defensive about, spandex.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

@Screen Name: HooBoy, do I have a treat for you. Keep your eyes peeled on the Tumblrz, tomorrow.

Rod T (#33)

Oh, can this be nominated for that weekly award Gold Star Hotel bit?

katiechasm (#163)

What's the problem? If you don't want your clothes to be under scrutiny, maybe don't intern at Conde Nast.

BadUncle (#153)

More spandex for me!

myfanwy (#1,124)

Laugh now, but you'll cry in about 4 years when the masculine spandex craze hits the Heartland of Americaâ„¢.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

1. Ahem- already here, 2nd go around. Pretty much exclusively under-25lings and artsy/hipstery/gay kids.
2. Careful! Jeremy Scott hails from these parts, you know.

myfanwy (#1,124)

I am currently hailing from the 3rd go-round of Ugg boots and yoga pant hell. It's giving way to the not-long-enough tshirt and leggings hell. Ed Hardy is rearing its head into my airspace, and puffy sweatpants leggings with gladiator sandals are the next big thing. Alas, guys wearing spandex are the least of my worries.

Also, Kansas is a swanky urban metropolis compared to where I live. 4.3 people per square mile, hey-oh! Get me out of here

myfanwy (#1,124)

Er, I should say "Bring on the bespandexed men; I have looked into the face of Hell, and quothed, 'Meh.'"

davidwatts (#72)

Leggings and boots. Have these people never seen a person under 25?

They work for a magazine, so probably not!

HiredGoons (#603)

I'm more concerned about that ribbed sweater.

lululemming (#409)

Seriously. Your crossed arms do not hide the fact that you are wearing a ribbed cotton mock neck from The Gap circa 1998, pal.

HiredGoons (#603)

Anna would not approve.

KarenUhOh (#19)

The Devil Wears Whatever

HiredGoons (#603)

Beelzebub, where is my fucking skim latte!?

ow that hurt (#3,919)

that's actually a pretty big but.
Is this a guy now? Because before it was/might have been a girl.

Oh jeez, is spandex back? This is…

Because the Awl critized cargo shorts last week?

well, if you are going to do spandex, you better have the schlong to
back it up ..

The sleaziest friend I had in Fl wore white spandex shorts to work on my 1962 MERCURY which never ran, but his pants got awful greasy.

I know, off-topic)

Or.. shorts (which these basically are…) are not appropriate in an office.

Where is the line for disapproving of 1) spandex (by any name), 2) making fun of strangers' photos, and 3) beige bourgie-wear?

We don't have to like any of this. Ever. And you don't have to join in to not like.

Tha reminds me, I have to change the oil on my two stroke.

SidAndFinancy (#4,328)

I think it's fetch.

Yawn (#4,506)

You'll never make that happen.

Mary HK Choi (#1,469)

These olds are BUGGING. Moose Knuckle FTW Resort 2010 RTW.

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