Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

Jesus Rides The Lightning

"Touchdown Jesus," a.k.a. the "King of Kings statue," a 62-foot-tall tribute to the Son of Our Lord in Monroe, OH, was struck by lightning last night and completely incinerated. Omen? Portent? Or something else?

"It sent goosebumps through my whole body because I am a believer," said Levi Walsh, 29. "Of all the things that could have been struck, I just think that that would be protected. … It's something that's not supposed to happen, Jesus burning," he said. "I had to see it with my own eyes."

"I can't believe Jesus was struck," said his brother, who noted the giant Hustler Hollywood sign for the adult store across the street was untouched. "It's the last thing I expected to happen."

Other locals were somewhat more sanguine.

"God struck God, I like the irony. Jesus struck Jesus," said Dawn Smith, 25, of Hamilton, who was among those standing outside the vehicles along Union Road. "I had to see it. What else are you going to do on a Monday night?"

Good question! Have you checked out the Hustler Hollywood adult store? [Via]

47 Comments / Post A Comment

Art Yucko (#1,321)

Proof that even Jesus likes to stroke himself.

dado (#102)

Clash of the titans; advantage Zeus.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

Viral marketing for the Thor movie.

das motorbike (#3,228)

this whole time i thought that was a statue celebrating Willem Dafoe's performance in Platoon.

Big Butter Dafoe!

C_Webb (#855)

Please. God was just angry that they expected his son to climb up on that teeny-tiny cross. Doesn't look like he's dying for our sins; it looks like he's staking tomatoes.

deepomega (#1,720)

King of the Produce.

God is a Notre Dame fan, and he hates copycats.

brent_cox (#40)

That's what happens when you make a statue out of dry newspapers and oily rags.

deepomega (#1,720)

Yeah that thing must have been lacquered to shit and back.

It was made out of $200K of styrofoam.

deepomega (#1,720)

Holy christ:

"The statue was constructed of wood and styrofoam over a steel framework that was anchored in concrete and covered with a fiberglass mat and resin exterior"

No wonder it lit up like a roman candle.

City_Dater (#2,500)

Guess you'd have to believe in a higher power to throw a giant hunk of styrofoam and fiberglass around a steel lightning rod and think it WON'T eventually burn.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

Next time y'all want to try this stunt, hire some pros from Arkansas.

WindowSeat (#180)

In the past life I worked as a sculptor for a theming contractor recreating Egyptian Temples etc. for Busch Gardens and the like.

There are ways to go about creating things like this without making them fire hazards. Clearly this sculpture would have been better off being finished in some form of fireproof polyurea than fiberglass.

Seriously, I'm amazed that it took a lightning bolt. Like there wasn't a local Beavis and Butthead just itching to light that sucker up.

Jesus was all "Pew-pew-pew!" And Jewish God was all "Zzzzz-zap!" And then jesus was all "Argh! It burns! It burns!" The End.

WindowSeat (#180)

Wasn't Julius Caesar's (or Augustus?) death foretold when lightning struck the inscription on his statue, obliterating the "C" and leaving "aeser" or "God" in Etruscan? The interpretation being that Caesar would soon be a God?

What does this augur? The end of plastic lawn ornaments?

propertius (#361)

Has anyone consulted the Vatican? They have a large collection of this kind of of stuff. Has any of it combusted lately?

Anyway, someone could make a fortune selling the remains to a museum. It has a kind of modern artsy look to it and a really fascinating provenance.

WindowSeat (#180)

The Vatican is too busy scanning it's ephebiphile manuscripts for their new website YOVTHS GONE VVILD

Flashman (#418)

God Hates Fans

kneetoe (#1,881)

I'm pretty sure it will rise back up in 3 or so days.

Moff (#28)

[Golf clap]

deepomega (#1,720)

You'd think they'd have put a lightning rod on the top of his head.

brent_cox (#40)

Or in one of his joyously raised arms, beckoning heavenly ecstasy for all Bengals fans.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I can't think of a better place for a giant steelframe "$"

bshep (#746)

From the looks of the scaffolding left behind, I'd say this is a sure sign of the impending arrival of our robot overlords.

Bittersweet (#765)

You can't see it, but THE MACHINES are smiling.

keisertroll (#1,117)

"Isn't it funny how we all look like that inside?" – Peter Griffin

KarenUhOh (#19)

"After further review, the runner was ruled down by contact."

roboloki (#1,724)

jesus has a sense of irony. christians, not so much.

Flashman (#418)

You'd sure as hell be sensing the irony when it's being nailed through your hands.

roboloki (#1,724)

that's a bit ironic. i stand corrected.

Wrapitup (#975)

Shed a tear for now twice-dead Sergeant Elias.

saythatscool (#101)

I feel forced to acknowledge the wit of this comment.

Wrapitup (#975)

*hems and haws* You're too kind, STC.

David (#192)

Goes to show you that the art if often in the armature.

Screen Name (#2,416)

I liked the video of the burning Jesus, but wish the video had been of this instead:

Where once a powder white Jesus raised hands to the sky in apparent exasperation for a species so flawed and ignorant, a pile of ragged metal sticks, twisted, charred and smoking now assembled in front of the church. A crowd gathered to view this assemblage and stood quietly on a water-logged street that had gathered up all it could of the sky's pale green rinse before eventually choking on it. Some took pictures. Some felt that taking pictures was wrong and covered their mouths to keep from naming this sin out loud. No one said much at all. Everyone waited.

At the base of the pile, a man dressed in hard, church-worn black, his back to the crowd, gathered his thoughts from a small metal flask. After the last thought had crossed his lips, he quickly spun around, causing the crowd to visibly flinch. With hard red eyes he slowly scanned the wide open wet ones before him.

"Jeremiah 29," he began, haltingly. "Verses eleven. Through thirteen." He swayed briefly in a circle but steadied himself with a foot toward the crowd. A child in front grabbed the hand of his father and edged ever closer to him as if trying to shield himself from the preacher man dressed in black. After a moment, the preacher gathered himself and continued.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. The Lord. The Lord has plans to prosper you and not harm you. The Lord has plans to give you hope. And a future." He began to sway again and his red eyes closed tight in silent laughter. "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."

He raised the flask high over his head and slowly tipped it upside down, creating a garish spectacle of nothing but air pouring from it, empty proof. Then, he pitched the flask into the pond.

"And that, friends, is the mercy of the Lord."

He had already taken three steps before the crowd understood that he was finished, that his sermon was done.

"Preacher," someone, a woman, called out. "Preacher."

But he was already gone.

Aloysius (#1,808)

You left out the part where everyone dies of cancer from inhaling burnt styrofoam.

Screen Name (#2,416)

Except the preacher, maybe 'cause of the booze. No one can be sure. [Adding flash forward now]

A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

Used to drive past this every weekend. It was the butt of jokes for years, so maybe it's best it finally burned down.

riotnrrd (#840)

"Not even God himself could destroy this graven image!"

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

Who knew that a gigantic papier-mâché sculpture with a gigantic metal armature would be able to attract lightning and burst into flames so quickly?

Russ Gooberman (#5,538)

Zeus 1 – Jesus 0. Take that, monotheism.

Caught the footage on Frequency..


It is because of the oil spills. The Lord is pissed about what we are doing to his bud, Mother Nature, hit Jesus because that'll get you Xtians chatting in a hot minute.

Here, allow me to date myself:


keisertroll (#1,117)

Alas, the gold statue of Ba'al in southern New Jersey is still untouched.

carpetblogger (#306)

If only the lightning or zeus or whomever can get to work on the Gospodor goofiness on I-5. That would really be a sign of something.


Post a Comment