Monday, June 21st, 2010

Former Gay Speaks (Well, Lisps) Against Gayness…

…WHILE WEARING AN ASCOT. I enjoyed the part where he calls the gay sex "filthy." You know how you can't tell if something's a parody? Yes: this is it.

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Atencio (#399)

I kept waiting for a record scratch sound effect and the MadTV logo.

Fredrick (#268)

"Adam is a straight man who used to be gay."


Tyler Coates (#451)

I love it when life imitates Mr. Show!

oldirtybassist (#3,630)

I forgot about that sketch. Hilarious.

I was hoping to hear about the lapse he has planned for August.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

looking forward to meeting his lesbian girlfriend.

La Cieca (#1,110)

The expression "gayer than eight guys fucking nine guys" gets thrown around a lot these days, but…

Evan Hurst (#3,398)

But just for good measure, let's throw it around some more.

David (#192)

What a fabulous type-face is being used in the written sections between the talking parts!!

LolCait (#460)

I bet this old queen used to do that reaching, finger-wiggle thing as come-hither dance move at the clurbs on Saturday nights.

ShanghaiLil (#260)

Wait — OLD QUEEN? Listen, you fetus…

La Cieca (#1,110)

And went through the hassle of the brow lift before deciding to abjure the cock. Total fail.

Fredrick (#268)

Like a gay Stevie Nicks?

As a straight, I never really felt the call of the geigh until he started wangling those fingers and telling me how much fun ecstasy was….

ShanghaiLil (#260)

To be entirely fair, ecstasy WAS a lot of fun.

Aatom (#74)

He had me at "plumb line."

hman (#53)

You too?

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

While wearing a GOLD LAMÉ ascot. And a soul patch?!?

iplaudius (#1,066)

It’s not a soul patch, it’s a flavor-saver. FOR ASS JUICE.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I was so ready to drop that bomb (it's a personal fave), but I couldn't find a synonym for "scarf" or "ascot" that rhymed with "aver."

I thought those were called pussy patches. Because it really convinced me he is all about the pussy now.

Urbania (#94)

"God is a father to the fatherless."

Or in layman's terms, God is Daddy.

Spena (#640)

Oh man. There is a seven minute video where he shares his conversion testimony.
A pull quote:
"This man in the hospital, who was grotesque, and just puss and boils all over his body, and just completely naked and muscular even was growling and yelling at me, 'I'm gonna tear him apart!' and saying all these vile things he was gonna do, and I'm in the next room with the light off, tied down on a stretcher." Seriously, how is this not a Corky St. Clair anecdote?

Guess who's name he screamed the first time he had sex with his wife? (It wasn't his wife's name. obvs).

A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

I was getting the Corky feel from this guy too. I just kept feeling like he was going to call the non-believers a bunch of ass-faces and bastard people.

Renate (#360)

I can't even with this queen.

Liquid (#546)

Oh, wow!
That's the worst thing I ever heard!
I'll never be able to look at a soul-patch again!

Liquid (#546)

Hrm, that was supposed to be a reply to iplaudius, regarding the soul-patch-ass-juice comment. AGH! The imagery!

iplaudius (#1,066)

Like latex ribbing, the soul patch is there for her pleasure! Tickle tickle!

sox (#652)

Tickle? Does it feel good to you when you rub sandpaper on your schlong?

HiredGoons (#603)

Love the sinner, hate the coiffure.

Ascot? More of a neckerchief, really. Nothing gay about that. Boyscouts and cowboys wear them.

Peteykins (#1,916)

It's not an ascot at all. It's a scarf.

roboloki (#1,724)

i wonder if he feels as strongly about three day old leftovers and shrimp. same book, different chapter.

Richard (#770)

She looks like the type to shun leftovers, but I'll wager my best set of anal beads that the bitch is wearing polycotton socks — which, you know, Leviticus 19:19.

risanbiin (#5,650)


MatthewGallaway (#1,239)

I was freaked out by the font they used more than anything else.

keisertroll (#1,117)

What is this guy saying? I was lost in his eyes.

risanbiin (#5,650)

So, a burbian bitter bottom boy, who gets his fashion cues from a mannequins at JC Penny, and who has probably seen more cock than an army doctor, is going to hector people about what the angry, vengeful bearded white man in the sky thinks?!?
All you have to do is look at his beady eyes during his rant and it's easy to figure out that he's a drug-addled Cha-Cha.

If his father booked on his mother, that's his problem. It doesn't apply to my family, nor to the fantastic relationship that I had with my father. And if sex was dirty to him, he should have learned some basic hygiene, along with some fashion sense – those rags are tragic.

What a pathetic little homunculus. Anyway; he had his four minutes and 32 seconds of fame. It's time to return to Ted Haggard's Money Mill Church. And buy some decent clothes with the money that you're fleecing from the Hee-Haws.

Slappy (#5,332)

Also he is a floofie and a blangle. SNAP.

this is real. I was the video the week before and know the videographer, he is a friend. He makes me look wonderful. is the original site.

Evan Hurst (#3,398)

Well yeah, you looked good, Kathy, because you're not totally freaking insane.


Atencio (#399)

Does this videographer friend make all of his subject wear neckerchiefs?

spanish bombs (#562)

this is so not real. the site exists (like a christian video board), but the video is complete satire.

love it!!! I have about 300 scarves and even wanted HIS!!!! Altho it was too stiff and did not look good with that shirt.

this is very real—
Very real indeed.

Evan Hurst (#3,398)

Spanish bombs, you should read HIS BLOG.

HiredGoons (#603)

He seems quite comfortable with the phrase 'cracking the whip.'

Kate Croy (#973)

Never forget, God "can also do it by cracking a whip."

risanbiin (#5,650)

He looks like he just stepped off the set of a summer stock staging of La Cage aux Folles

gotham (#1,572)

"a man's seed is not supposed to eat crap and die, okay."
was anyone else turned on by the way he said dane-ger-ous? sexy. also he's wearing a wedding ring, I guess that's a moot point. and the "revolution" painting in the bkground?! with the swirly O's and butterflies? WTF! yeah, this is totes too funny not to be a parody.

it's real—

Slappy (#5,332)

Now I have to picture sperms with little smiley mouths, and little sperm snack bars in vaginatown.

keisertroll (#1,117)

According to the Ascot Code, he loves being peed on while dressing like L. Ron Hubbard.

Evan Hurst (#3,398)

Having won the internet, keisertroll decided to kick back and enjoy a cocktail…

these comments make me laugh OUT LOUD, thank you!

El Muerte (#5,358)

"Sometimes God will crack that whip!" oh, snap

Watching this again I'm thinking he's trying to say you can be fabulous and totally gay without being homosexual. Which also seems to be what the wardrobe department of the catholic church has been trying to say for centuries. That's ecumenicism you can get behind! No pun intended.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

Perhaps this is the new ex-gay approach? Maybe they think it is the swishing around and lisping that appeals, with the actual gay sex sort of an unintended consequence.

They are just desperate to crack this code!

I think we can all agree that gangrene should be kept out of heaven.

MaryHaines (#3,666)

"God's not havin' it!"

KarenUhOh (#19)

Hot. Hickeys and a rocking chair.

Evan Hurst (#3,398)

What is "Things associated with tearful, enraged Fleshlight usage," Alex?

Slappy (#5,332)

Clappy clap-clap punctuation of statements! Faaabulous.

erikonymous (#3,231)

Yes, Adam, let's "call a spade a spade."

Ultra (#76,377)

Adam hood is currently in school for fashion design at City College San Francisco. It is a laugh you should see him. He is just as Nelly as can be….Question why would he get involved with fashion design…answer to stay close to the network…to live vicariously through other gays. What do you think they would say if they saw this video? How is he going to work with gays in the design industry when he thinks we are an abomination?

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