Tuesday, June 29th, 2010

BREAKING: Madonna Allows Lola To Type in Public

RUN LOLA RUNThis is, to put it very plainly, a huge gay catastrophe! The tween clothing line that Madonna and her daughter Lola are doing for Macy's is getting pimped to high heaven, because it hits stores soon, and the latest bit of marketing is… a blog post. Written by Lola herself-a "From The iDesk of Lola" kind of thing, to rile up the tweens. It's sort of heartbreaking, actually. Beginning, as it does, "Helluuur thurrrr, I'm Lola and this is my first blog entry so it's kind of like ummmm….."

That's almost an expression of thought! LISTEN, let me say also, that when I was her age, I was probably incoherent while both writing and speaking! I bet she's a vital and smart young woman! And this is not entirely a new thing… but it's a thing we're encouraging.

There is some talk about fashion. I guess that's good that she cares about fashion?

So I want to know what you guys think about rompers… is that like a hit or miss, ‘cause I'm not sure. If you comment, be sure to tell me what you think. OK but no joke gladiator sandals are OUT. They came out in summer 2008 and I was like, ok those are really cute. Then 2009 comes around and people are still wearing them so I'm like, ok whatever it's just a phase. BUT NOOOOO. Because good old 2010 is now coming along and people are STILL wearing them, and then I was just like OK NO! It's been three years people COME ON!!!!!!!!! I'm just like what????

Now, admittedly, some of us are twice (oops, thrice? Yikes!) her age and we write like this too sometimes! But overall this makes me feel really bad for her and the youngs and the Internet and the future and everyone involved.

50 Comments / Post A Comment

lol poors

Miles Klee (#3,657)

dying to see som LOLpoor image macros. maybe start with a homeless guy rooting through a dumpster behind mcdonald's and the text I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER overlaid

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I see lolpoorlitas wearing gladiator sandals and 2nd-hand Juicy Couture sweatpants all the time at the Tarjay yo

alannaofdoom (#4,512)

I'm probably going to Hell for how hard I'm laughing at this, no?

KarenUhOh (#19)

"Come on, now. Depress those keys and HOLD. Those ZZZZZs=Residualzz."

roboloki (#1,724)

know what else was so 80s? materialism. oh, and parachute pants.

Neopythia (#353)

Are you sure you didn't ghostwrite this Choire?

Bryan Keller (#3,804)

Maybe HK Choi ghostwrote?

Bittersweet (#765)

Can't be Choi, there would be swearing and more inventive vocab.

Fer reals, Lola is better than roughly 90% of fashion bloggers.

stevespillman (#3,199)

yo, someone get me an iDesk, i wanna be cool.

David Cho (#3)


deepomega (#1,720)


EAT (#4,511)

But really easy to pee on.

deepomega (#1,720)

This is actually how I type, too. Fortunately my parents are wealthy enough to have hired me a full-time editor who takes all my comment manuscripts and cleans them up for public perusal.

deepomega (#1,720)

(Thurrs is actuarrrrlyyrrr how I tyrrrpe turr.)

davidwatts (#72)

I suggest a Lola/Mary HK Choi collabo. Who can use the most exclamation points, or be the most internet adorable?

Tuna Surprise (#573)

Hi Lola!
Long time reader, first time commenter.
Can I still wear my gladiators from 2008 if I pair them with 2010's hottest trend – ankle socks?
Or am I going to have to cut the toes out of my winter boots to remain relevant this season?

Neopythia (#353)

I didn't get my gladiator sandals until this year. I will now hang myself in shame.

ljnd (#86)

Don't. I was just in Milan. THAT WAS ALL THEY HAD FOR SALE. If you're not buying gladiator sandals, you're going barefoot.

hman (#53)

Lourdes can be kinda hard to spell.

EAT (#4,511)


garge (#736)

What's funny is that I have just finally gotten used to gladiator sandals, aesthetically, and nearly considered purchasing a pair. LOLA SAVED ME FROM HUMILIATION, true story!

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I can't tell you how many times Justin Bieber's Twitter has averted an impending, massive personal crisis on my behalf

On the other hand, Tavi Gevinson made me take up heroin.

garge (#736)

Maybe we should play matchmaker?!

garge (#736)

(Biebs and Lola obvs. Tavi needs a bit more mrawr)

Art Yucko (#1,321)

Since celebrity tween relationships are all arranged, somebody ought to draw up some papers!
(…Biebsy and Tavi would make such a cute little artsy lesbian couple, you have to admit.)

I don't buy clothing/shoes that I won't wear for at least 5 years.

garge (#736)

Just got Bean boots resoled.
/poor loser

kneetoe (#1,881)

Cap'n: You and I both know that that "5" started out as a "10," but the shame was just too much.

Bittersweet (#765)

My husband has shirts that are older than many Awl commenters

@garge: Resoled shoes are the BEST. They are perfectly worn-in, but with brand new soles!

@Bittersweet: I have a Levi's denim shirt that is 20 years old. The elbows are threadbare, it is oh so soft, and I still think it looks cool (in a Ralph Lauren sort of way).

Bittersweet (#765)

@garge & CF: my husband has work boots he's resoled 3 times. And CR, your denim shirt sounds great. Old clothes are great!

Slackferno (#197)

Lola sounds as articulate as most of the other 13 year olds writing on the blorgs, or the faceyspaces, or whatever the kids are on about these days.

And she's not wrong about the gladiator sandals.

barnhouse (#1,326)

This is SO so not true. Many teenagers are hugely witty (and so is Mary HK Choi.)

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

I am absolutely certain I was more coherent than this at 13.

garge (#736)

@DD: I can tell you one thing for certain, I was definitely more vulgar.

cherrispryte (#444)

I'm wearing gladiator sandals right now. I've just been schooled by a 13 year old.

cherrispryte (#444)

But, like, cute ones! Sort of!

Zack (#2,609)

I'll be honest, Choire, I'm a bit disappointed. I'm not gonna preach (yes I am!), but come on, man, she's 13. And just cause you cop to the fact that 90% of bloggers actually write worse than this doesn't make it OK.

(OK, end self-righteousness)

kneetoe (#1,881)

Dude, you're preaching to the Choire.

gregorg (#30)

don't preach, Papa.

City_Dater (#2,500)

If she actually wrote this, I will volunteer to babysit Madonna's other kids, for free, for six months, knowing that "babysit" likely means "full-time child rearing until there is a photo opportunity."

This is doubtless the work of a Macy's marketing team, after spending several days examining the Facebook and MySpace pages of the teen/tween demographic they hope to attract while consuming a great deal of coffee and sugary snacks.

sox (#652)

my thoughts exactly. like someone's just gonna let that girl write some shit and post it without passing through the marketing department first.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

It definitely crossed some desks before being posted, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if she wrote the original herself.

I think it's super cute that Madonna won't let Lola dye her hair until she's 14. You sort of don't expect celebrity offspring to have boundaries like that.

sox (#652)

But why isn't she wearing 80's unflattering shorts with a grunge shirt tucked in and brogues in the picture?

You guys made Lourdes cry because the blog is down. So it's kind of like ummmm….."

katiebakes (#32)

Aw, I think this is fine! It's charming and normal and stream of consciousnessy just as it should be. I love that Madonna was like, "no dyeing your hair until you turn 14, young lady!"

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