Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

The Shocking Health News About Bacon

How could something so good be so bad?I bring unfortunate tidings for everybody out there who was under the impression that bacon-the official food of the Internet-was in some way healthy. Turns out it ain't. Science?

Eating two rashers of bacon or a sausage every day can increase your risk of heart disease by nearly half, scientists claim. Their study found meat that has been cured, salted or processed in another way can also push up the likelihood of developing diabetes. It linked the salts and chemical preservatives used on processed meat to ill health if the products are eaten regularly.

The research, from the Harvard School of Public Health, adds to previous investigations which found links between processed meats and cancers of the bowel and breast. It is hard to imagine that consuming large quantities of fatty meats that have been pumped up with a ton of sodium might somehow prove perilous, but Science does not always bring you good news. On the other hand, look at that breakfast sandwich up there. Admit it, it looks good. Particularly if you're hungover. It looks like something that's gonna get the job done, am I right? Sure, you could bask in the virtue of an egg white omelet, or, God forbid, a piece of fruit, but you know that as soon as you're done you're going to be left with a feeling of emptiness and disappointment. I mean, THINK of all the ways there are to get cancer these days. If you're gonna go anyway, it might as well be with a salty, greasy bacon sandwich filling up your belly and soothing all those nerve receptors that-Hey, you know what? I'm gonna run down to the deli. Back in a few!

54 Comments / Post A Comment

KarenUhOh (#19)

This Death business sounds unpleasant.

petejayhawk (#1,249)

Well yeah, but not nearly as unpleasant as Life without cigarettes, booze, and bacon.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I'm supposed to live longer so I can do what exactly. Chew on bitter styrofoam-flavored, dry vegetables with no dressing with my dentures at age 110? Consume spoonfuls of pulverized, steamed white-meat chicken paste with the assistance of a nurse that would probably rather stab me to death with the other end of the spoon and take all my money because they are underpaid?
I mean I hate to be a bummer! But:
The PARTY is NOW. Be sure to pay your tab and leave at an appropriate time!

petejayhawk (#1,249)

Seriously, Art, that's spot on.

Having worked for a long time as a consultant to the long-term care industry, specifically Alzheimer's care, I don't care how nice the assisted living facilities are (and they are indeed quite nice, many of them) or how good the care is (and it is occasionally quite good, though good programming is frighteningly rare)…I don't want to end up in one. Not even a standard frail-elderly joint.

There was a huge uninformed uproar when health care reform attempted to tackle palliative care – death panels, et al. But just because Science CAN keep you alive nowadays doesn't mean that's always the best course of action. But people (Americans, specifically, and ironically usually the Jesusy ones) are scared shitless of death, so whether it's the person themselves or just their family who can't let go, people are kept alive long past their expiration dates now. It's kind of depressing. Much more so than actual death, in my opinion.

Cancer of the bowel doesn't sound unpleasant or excruciating in any way.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

They can take out a misbehavin' bowel and then it won't bother you anymore.

Rod T (#33)

DELIDUDE: "Hey, Balk, the regulah?"
BALK: [inaudible]
DELIDUDE: "Mario, get me a bacon, egg, and cheese on a toasted English. And here's yer pack a' Kools."

The Internet is over bacon now anyway. As an object of lemming-like web obsession, bacon been replaced by Betty White.

Until we find out that Betty White causes cancer.

TroutSavant (#1,990)

Um, Betty White wrapped in bacon? Why didn't anybody think of this before?

Hamilton (#122)

How much is a "rasher?"

kneetoe (#1,881)

From the article:

"A serving of 50g is roughly the equivalent of two rashers of bacon or a sausage."


C_Webb (#855)

What does 50 gigabytes of bacon look like?

Maybe it's a cute English way of saying "ration"?

Like saying "cuppa" instead of "cup"?

pbr (#4,890)

It's one slice

Tuna Surprise (#573)

Don't you mean "one strip"? I thought "strips" were the universal weight/measure for bacon. What's this world coming to? 50gs, rashers, gigabites.

LondonLee (#922)

A rasher of English bacon is also meatier than the shriveled up ribbons that pass for bacon in this country.

saythatscool (#101)

You listen to me, you little shit. We won the Battle of Britain for you!

gumplr (#66)

the 50G of bacon is a Norma's staple

roboloki (#1,724)

universal weight/measure for bacon is tines.

NicFit (#616)

Perhaps modern chemical preservatives might be a touch more unhealthy than salt, which has been used for thousands of years and makes up a significant portion of our body chemistry?

Don't h8te on the salt!

Srsly It's the curing of nitrites (We're in yer spinach!) at high temperatures–there's the salt rub!

Niman Ranch uses celery juice, in fact, but does not process as described.

NinetyNine (#98)

This is a British study right? Preservatives and processed food products are like 80% of their diet. Maybe someone should tell them you can make bacon without chemicals.

kneetoe (#1,881)

The article's British. The study is Harvard.

Sablesma (#1,244)

The meat is bacon. The taste is delicious.

First they came for the salty meats.

BadUncle (#153)

So that's why you have your legs crossed?

saythatscool (#101)

I thought it was because he was wearing the Catholic School Girl uniform.

BadUncle (#153)

stop staring at his patent leather shoes.

C_Webb (#855)

I picture it like a rack of ribs, but that can't be right.

C_Webb (#855)

That was supposed to be a reply to Hamilton's question about a rasher. Meh.

Health tip: Turkey sausage … is actually good!

Chicken sausage is, as well. I don't even like sausage all that much, but I once had chicken sausage at a Brazilian barbecue restaurant, and it was one of the greatest things I've ever eaten, ever.

HiredGoons (#603)

I prefer turkey sausage/bacon to their porcine counterparts, but then again I'm a Heeb and therefore not to be trusted.

laurel (#4,035)

The diner near my house has a goddamn veggie sausage that is the delight of breakfast. But I'm a vegetarian and therefore not to be trusted.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

I had a bacon rasher once and it required a poultice applied thrice daily to clear it up.

saythatscool (#101)

Careful! That can make for a tenderloin.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

So, if you cross a street to buy a bacon breakfast sandwich and get hit by a bus do you blame the sandwich or the bus for your demise?

OK, I love bacon as much as the next guy (whose genetics REQUIRE the craving of pork), but who eats two slices of bacon EVERY DAY?

saythatscool (#101)

Me. And I'll still be LAST.

Needs more ketchup!

HiredGoons (#603)

I would respond, but I'm busy over here next to my microwave waiting for my bacon, smoking and yapping on my cell phone.

brent_cox (#40)

Maybe the problem is not too much bacon/sausage but not enough.

pbr (#4,890)

I like the way you think.

brent_cox (#40)

Or maybe just more pancakes.

hman (#53)

BREAKING: Balk has given up Taylor ham.

cherrispryte (#444)

Did anyone honestly think bacon was healthy?

HiredGoons (#603)

The glistening ribbons of saturated fat that cut through like geological strata should have been a tip off.

BadUncle (#153)

Oh, bacon is ok. But's no Toffuti with prunes.

garge (#736)

That sandwich does look like a nice gateway out of 11 years of vegetarianism, if we're being honest.

BadUncle (#153)

the achilles heel of all vegetarians.

There is nothing "nice" about this sandwich, which stalks its vulnerable prey, the Alcoholic Vegetarian, at our watering holes and runs us down upon departure.

Clearly one should only bacon in its native "strip" form, rather than this rasher they speak of.

But pastrami is healthy, right?

ronabner56 (#241,283)

I don't know if we should be concerned. I used a Bulking Cutting method and I ate all that I wanted without being preoccupied about gaining weight. Maybe I was just lucky.

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