Thursday, May 27th, 2010
19

Kiddieporn Island Suffers From Low-Res Mobile Phones

IPED!Newcastle-upon-Tyne child porn enthusiast Michael Fraser left his cellphone on a bus, which led police to a "ring" of 70 fellow youth devotees, thanks to contacts in Fraser's fifteen cellphones, six of which had "images" on them. First… who has fifteen cellphones? And more importantly, how enjoyable can porn be (kiddie or otherwise) if it's only viewed on a Sony Ericsson W580i? That screen is all of 240×320 pixels! Poor England. There is an Apple store right there in Eldon Square in Newcastle, ya know. If your life is devoted to naked pictures of children, at least you could get an iPad, what with its glorious 9.7-inch diagonal display at 132 pixels per inch. And think how happy the Daily Mail would be to talk about "iPeds"!

19 Comments / Post A Comment

Blackcapricorn (#4,791)

He just wanted to know if Elian Gonzalez can "hear him now".

/is that entire joke outdated?

Private Hangnail (#2,576)

I think Elian might be legal now. Which, like, yawn.

carpetblogger (#306)

He's 16.

deepomega (#1,720)

Legal in England!

LondonLee (#922)

The iPad only came out in England this week, perhaps he was planning to upgrade before he was caught.

Oh, right? I mean, one always has plans, it's so disruptive when you get nabbed right in the middle of everything.

gregorg (#30)

Servicey!

El Matardillo (#586)

I'm a PC and I like women over 25.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I'm a Commodore 64 and I get my mack on at Chico's.

roboloki (#1,724)

i LOVED the commodore 64. shit, did i just age myself?

Private Hangnail (#2,576)

A pedophile Apple enthusiast could be the worst sort of human-shaped meat lump ever.

Such a person wears pleated shorts.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

ew, plorts.

Bittersweet (#765)

Possibly even pleated jorts. Blech.

Miles Klee (#3,657)

jplorts

Flashman (#418)

I guess he's a boyfan, not a fanboy.

roboloki (#1,724)

i believe it would be the ipaed because the knife criminals can't spell for shit.

HiredGoons (#603)

I know Choire is always complaining about how the iPad will be all greasy and finger-smudgy after enough use – can you imagine the smears on one of these!?

LondonLee (#922)

I'd rather not.

(True though, I just borrowed an iPad from someone in the office and the screen is barely visible behind all the greasy fingerprints on it)

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