Tuesday, May 11th, 2010
14

David Cameron Wins The Race To Run Knifecrime Island

This nation's new head bladeAt some point soon, if he has not already, David Cameron will receive a call from President Barack Obama congratulating him on his ascension to Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. The two will speak briefly, mostly from a script affirming the Special Relationship, although perhaps they will chat about those Smiths and Radiohead CDs Cameron gave Obama back when they were both simple aspirants to office. Then David Cameron will look around his new workspace, realize what he's signed on for, and perhaps heave a sigh that signals both anguish and relief. And then the new government will kick into action. We will probably go back to simply covering the glassings and knife crime, but this has been plenty of fun.

14 Comments / Post A Comment

fran (#176)

Well, some of us are going to have to live with this now. What got you through the dark ages?

Alex Balk (#4)

Bourbon and Modest Mouse.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

And now that Modest Mouse and the Smiths have merged, you guys will have it easy. Might want to substitute scotch for bourbon for that local flavour, though.

fran (#176)

Yeah, we've figured that one out after the initial shock wore off (and I learned how to use the reply function – progress made under Cameron). We've had an interesting phenomenon over here: it's been only a few hours and already people are at breaking point with hearing the words 'Prime Minister Cameron'. Also, it is rather unusual for a PM to be received at No. 10 to chants of "Tory Scum". So maybe this one's going to be interesting – unless you're young, old, ill or poor, of course. I know this is not the usual sharp, funny Awl comment, please understand.

DainCurst (#3,377)

I (actually!) went to Canada for much of it. But I developed an ulcer from a game I like to call 'Take a Shot Every Time a Canadian Blames You for the Failings of Your Entire Nation.' Fortunately, as I am an adorable drunk, I have places to stay when the Teabaggers force their piece of offal into the sausage-casing of democracy in 2012.

joshc (#442)

you at least have the hope of your dark ages not lasting eight years. just nudge the government into failure this fall and get a new PM, right?

(skipped world government class)

amockingbird (#2,015)

It was almost easier during those dark eight years, as we had one source of evil to focus on. Now, it's more diffuse and insidious. Sure, we've got a great president, but you're likely to end up in a massive fight with some ignorant loon on a friend's FB page because said loon doesn't understand how health care or immigration work.

I heard there were billboard vans touting election fraud within hours of the polls closing, so you're well on your way to fun. If the people claiming they were denied access to the polls because they arrived at closing time can get organized, you should have a couple more months of uncertainty.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

@joshc: Actually, short of a stabbing, this government will last 5 years. They also raised the vote threshold for a "no confidence" vote which could cut it short.

fran (#176)

Oh, no big changes in lifestyle then.

doubled277 (#2,783)

I would suggest a drug habit. For example, everytime W said 'Merica, shot up, a little.

minerva23 (#4,497)

Isn't it tradition that the new PM accepts the Queen's invitation with a knife between his teeth, thus signifying his ability to rule Knifecrime Island?

jrb (#3,020)

Word is the package will contain Tory cuts… say what you will, Cameron is fully prepared for the knifecrime.

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

Sounds like this guy is a real prat! I mean, ponce! I mean, wanker! C'mon folks, join in!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/martin-lewis/uk-election-winner-meet-t_b_565762.html

Hopefully Clegg will dull the blade a bit. They've backed off on inheritance tax cuts!

Anyway I saw William Hague on tv last night but couldn't hear a word he said over the screaming of the crowd assembled.

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