A 'Sex And The City 2' Review By Two Actual Straight Men
THE CHARACTERS
David: Who are the characters on SATC that you actually like?
Neel: I guess Charlotte?
Neel: I feel like she's every guy's favorite?
David: She's the most attractive for sure, but as a character?
David: Do you like that prim sort of girl?
Neel: I will tell you that I derived no erotic pleasure from watching Kim Cattrall yelp as she is getting drilled on the hood of a jeep.
David: SPOILER ALERT!!!!
Neel: SORRY.
Neel: Personality-wise, are any really likeable?
David: I think the most redeeming characters, as much as the women like to complain about them, are the guys.
David: Steve
David: Smith Jared
David: Big
David: All a-okay in my book.
Neel: Yes.
Neel: The guys are all decently likeable.
David: Miranda = Terrible and insanely selfish.
Neel: YES.
Neel: Steve is a nice guy!
David: Well, he cheated on his wife in the last movie.
Neel: Because she was terrible!
David: So, likable, but human? I don't know.
Neel: His cheating in the last movie was not some Tiger Woods shit.
David: Yeah, I hold a pretty anti-infidelity stance, but he was "driven into the arms of the other woman", I guess?
Neel: Only once!
David: Once too many!
Neel: And felt really, terribly bad about it.
David: Yeah, I guess that's true.
David: But women apparently identify with these characters?
David: Or rather, at least like spending time with them?
David: Which is why this TV show is one of the most impactful [ED. NOTE: NOT A WORD.] of our generation?
David: Presumably?
Neel: I feel like every time a female friend of mine is asked that question, she answers "Carrie."
David: Is there a bigger disparity than the perceptions of how attractive Carrie is by women and by men?
David: I mean, she is nothing close to attractive.
David: But I have very vivid memories of girls from college arguing over how "beautiful she was".
Neel: Agreed.
Neel: In general, women are TERRIBLE at gauging the attractiveness of other women.
David: Like "cute" girls that they set you up with?
David: Although Facebook has mitigated a lot of those issues.
Neel: I don't know how many times a female friend of mine has been like, "Oh, I really want to set you up with X, she is SO HOT."
Neel: And then you see a pic, and it's like, "Whaaa?"
David: You know what though?
David: The digital equivalent of a girl's recommendation on another girl's attractiveness is the Macbook Photobooth picture.
David: Does anyone ever look unattractive in those?
David: If you see a girl who you've never seen IRL in a Macbook Photobooth picture, NEVER TRUST IT.
Neel: YES.
Neel: I think maybe it's because girls like to pride themselves on having "attractive" friends, and so they lose perspective on whether or not they're actually "objectively physically attractive" if they like them as people?
David: MOVING ON!
THE ABU DHABI/RACIST(?) STUFF
David: Thoughts?
Neel: Oh man.
Neel: I felt really sad to be American, or at least Indian-American, during this movie.
David: AGREE.
Neel: Did it make you uncomfortable?
David: It was weird that in a situation where you control everything that's happening, you would make your characters seem like such obnoxious Americans.
David: The kind that you see abroad, that make you be all like, "Ughhhhhh."
Neel: Basically watching these poor Arab dudes with waxed torsos parade around in service of these spoiled American hags?
David: One of them was Indian.
Neel: Yes. Gorran!
Neel: He was great.
David: Kind of good for you and your ilk.
David: Up until now all you've had is Kal Penn.
David: Which is cool.
Neel: He repped my peeps well.
David: How do you think Abu Dhabi feels about this movie?
Neel: If I was Abu Dhabi's Minister of Tourism, I'd be pretty pissed!
Neel: These four white broads sashay in, can't respect local customs, flip their shit out, throw a tantrum, and then run.
David: In the trailer there's the line where Charlotte's daughter compares it to Aladdin and Carrie says, "Yes, but with cocktails" (which, WTF?).
David: But also-
David: Didn't it look sort of like Aladdin?
David: Like when they're in the street fair.
David: You kind of expect a monkey to steal an apple and guards to chase him and his street urchin owner around while they participate an elaborate musical number?
Neel: It wasn't just the stereotypes. It was their insanely boorish behavior in spite of the fact that these people were all going out of their way to make things extremely pleasant for them.
Neel: Like, I know Samantha prides herself on being sexually progressive or whatever, but does she really need to try to fondle some Dutch architect's penis in public?
David: That pretty much says it all I guess!
FINAL THOUGHTS?
Neel: DO NOT SEE. Seriously.
David: I think our crowd liked it, and if you currently enjoy watching Sex And The City when it airs on TBS and HBO OnDemand, I don't think you'll hate it?
Neel: Did our crowd like it? Everyone I asked afterwards was like, "that was atrocious"
David: There was a lot of LOL-ing with the movie and not at it.
Neel: I guess some people laughed at some things?
Neel: But really. Is laughing at "some" things enough reason to sit through the other 2.5 hours of inexcusable garbage?
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Nice to hear the Bing Crosby/Bob Hope "Road to …" movies are making a comeback.
More like "Ishtar"
YOUR LOSS, GLAMOUR!!
Having never seen the show, Kristin Davis is the most attractive one. I'm too lazy to look up which character she plays.
Also, I can't believe you two. WHY?!?
if the series/sequels/prequels/seroquels were nothing but an endless montage of scantily-clad Charlotte, you'd hear zero complaints from me. zilch.
She's the worst actor, though, so it evens out.
I dreamed of Neel/Cho slash and you finally delivered! Swoon!
Patricia Field needs to be brought before the Hague for genocidal crimes against Heterosexual Male Eyeballs
YOU ARE MY FAVORITE AWL COMMENTER, CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
Ew, get an avatar n00b.
only if I get to sign it with the blood of Darren Star.
Insidery!
Neel, you also Naveen Andrews. Or does he count as British?
Also, what sort of sick bet did you two lose that forced you into seeing this movie?
HAVE. YOU ALSO HAVE NAVEEN ANDREWS.
I need an edit button!
I believe his dad's white, so not sure he gets a spot on the roster.
But we do have Alec Baldwin's assistant on 30 Rock.
And that funny shortish dude on Parks & Recreation?
Gah! Aziz Ansari!
Danny Pudi? Aasif Mandvi?
Danny Pudi is half Polish! And is also completely awesome.
HOW CAN YOU HERETICS LEAVE OUT ADORABLE SHINY-HAIRED CUTIEPIE COMEDY GODDESS MINDY KALING?
I thought we were just doing a roundup of bros? ("Ilk"= ambiguous!)
Also, Kunal Nayyar.
And the guy from Heroes! God, he was gorgeous. (Well, still is, I assume. But I stopped watching that show after, like, the first season.)
Vijay Amritraj! OH GOD, REALLY, HMAN?
No no no. Irrepressible scamp and acquaintance of Mr. SICHA, Mr. AJAY NAIDU. Accept no substitutes.
Sir Ben Kingsley! I know it is a bit of a stretch, but his real name is Krishna Pandit Bhanji. Also, I love him. And has been knighted. What more would you like?
Irrfan Khan FTW.
I hope you guys were icing each other while this was going on.
that's the only way I could ever last the duration of this movie.
Pre-icing and post-icing is necessary, too. Basically standing at the foot of a waterfall of Smirnoff, mouth open, looking at a movie screen out of the corner of one eye. That's the only way.
Maybe just direct the Smirnoff waterfall into one's eye, for more efficient absorption of the alcohol? Smirnoff into one eyeball, Kim Cattrall yelping into the other?
I can't wait for these two trends to intersect:
"Devotees claim that 'vodka eyeballing' induces drunkenness faster than drinking it can, because it passes easily through the mucous membrane and enters the bloodstream directly through veins at the back of the eye, although some experts are sceptical about the claims and believe that since those who do it are usually already drunk, they simply convince themselves that it's having such an effect."
Eyecing.
I think we're on to something here… who's going to register the Tumblr?
A couple weeks ago when I was home for my sister's college graduation, my dad got a little drunk and told me that when he was like fourteen, he and his friends would drop acid in their eyes because it worked faster that way.
So. There's that.
The "How to Survive an Affair" ad currently on my sidebar seems particularly telling.
Also, 404 error for the Neel video! I DEMAND NEEL VIDEO!
It should be fixed now? Sorry!
Aw, bless!
(I'm not sure how I feel about having to sit through an entire episode, though.)
Just take an NYC taxi and actually watch the backseat video, and you'll see him soon enough.
I'm afraid it's become Pavlovian response to hit "off" as soon as I can on those things, m'dear.
(Also also, I'm taking "watching Kim Catrall yelp" as a knowing wink to Porky's — and I will not hear otherwise!)
Also posting about Kim Catrall getting banged in a SATC movie is not a spoiler.
TRUE FACT, kitten.
I just can't believe this train wreck is over two hours.
I'm speechless; and you all know it takes a lot to get me to shut up.
I'm a lady who watched the first SITC movie and wanted to push them all down stairs. I thought the shows were tawdry and kind of cute, but the first movie was a shallow parade of bat shit crazy, selfish and entitled brats acting like mean teenagers.
I'd rather walk through a parking lot full of wale vomit than see part two.
Your review was brilliant.
Wale's vomit? You mean Solange?
Or ambergris?
Also: that poster makes her look like Gozer.
I love you more with every passing day. (Be my keymaster.)
I assume that makes you the keymaster?
Between this review, the earlier one today, and the one I read in the Village Voice on the way home tonight, it's become some kind of Aristocrats joke of review writing. I now want to collect and read them all. But never, ever see the movie.
I've been doing that, reading every scathing review I can find on this movie. It's wonderful.
(The scathing reviews are wonderful. Not the movie, which I will not see).
my favorite so far… http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/burkas-and-birkins/Content?oid=4132715
ugh. didn't realize that review was already linked and quoted. on the main page:(
The one in the Times of Ireland compares it to the Are You Being Served? movie: http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/theticket/2010/0528/1224271261315.html
Let's collect them all!!!! It's a long weekend, and I plan on sitting outside reading but I'm lacking a good trashy novel so I'll have to make my own.
So mad impactful.
I have to step in to point out that most women feel about Steve the way that most men feel about Carrie. Douchechills.
He's whiny and unattractive. Actually there were/are no attractive men in SATC except for model Samantha was banging.
Going back to the days of the TV show, didn't Miranda dump Blair Underwood for Steve? Yeah, that would happen.
Way back when he was first on the show (or even right before he was on the show?) he sat across from me on the subway in from Queens. I thought he was adorable!
You forget Ron Livingston's brief turn as Carrie's boyfriend. I'm very attracted to his eyebrows.
F* SATC2-
Is it normal to sit across from Erin and not correct her facial expressions?
Does Olivia have a pulse in person???
The director was on the Daily Show last week. He was adorable (coming out story) with a subtext of knowing he's going to hell for this movie.
Anyone feel like buying these two a round for having to sit through this?
-slams a passel of Jacksons on the table-
I'm not going to sit here and front that I didn't watch every episode, but as the show went on, it was really sad to see the characters grow more and more repulsive and caricatured. I was relieved when it was over, and never had even a twinge to see the first movie, and definitely won't see the second.
Why does every woman always answer The Question with "I'm Carrie!"? She's an irresponsible twit without an ounce of self-awareness, breezing through life on being "cute." She's just awful! And a shitty writer to boot.
I really think they missed the mark with Samantha. They grew too enamored of making her more and more "outrageous" and "sexually liberated" without giving her an actual functional emotional life, and couldn't even address that lack.
I actually think Miranda and Charlotte are the best two, but they still were really annoying a lot of the time.
For a show that's supposed to be for and about women, it is kind of amazing that the men come out looking much better. I mean, Big is an asshole, but Carrie is an even worse twit. Steve is adorable (and I will not hear otherwise, and it made me SO MAD when I heard they had him cheat in the first movie, because it was just to make Miranda look better), Smith was sweet, and Harry is a mensch. Can't someone have a show where both men and women get to be awesome?
What makes me even sadder is that, supposedly, the women are really just gay men who were cast with female actors. This depresses me about my tribe. Gay men, can't we be better? EVERYONE, can't we be better?
I honestly think it's just the one gay man — Michael Patrick King — to blame. Darren Star? That gay man wrote a damn good show for a while, I think. It's a shame what's become of his legacy.
My wife often wonders sadly why more women don't say "I'm Miranda!". She's the successful lawyer who bought her own apartment.
Well, Miranda is the "ugly" one, so who wants to be her? Though, really, I always thought it was criminal the way they seemed determined to make Cynthia Nixon look the absolute worst they possibly could. Sadly, I think the hair is on her, but the clothes they put on her! Specifically designed to make her a frump.
Also, while I think she's the most admirable in terms of having a successful career and being independent, her emotional brittleness and judgmentalness isn't terribly attractive. Girls want to be pretty and wear pretty dresses, not an old frump in a potato sack who's mean to everyone! Don't you know anything?
Dorothy: Agreed about MPK vs. DS. It's so weird, because he was so charming on The Daily Show just two weeks ago.
I don't know how I know this, but Cynthia Nixon is a blonde and they made her go red for the movie. I was always PO'd that the writers made her so neurotic and uptight, because otherwise she'd be someone I might actually want to hang out with.
Sorry, I meant they made her go red for the TV show. Urgh.
I was really talking more about her cut/style than her color. I love redheads, actually!
I would rather see The Human Centipede. Fact.
I would like to quote my neighbor Frank, an avowed heterosexual: "Ah, they look like a bunch of skinny old whores [pronounced "who-ers"].
Were there any explosions?
are you sure these guys are straight?
Nice article. Haven't seen it myself but it sounds vile. Any movie with puns in it can't be good. This British film critic had a rant about it inciting both misogyny and class-war, which I guess is actually somewhat impressive.
I just read there's a RUGBY TEAM in this movie. Since when do they play rugby in Abu Dhabi? You can't play rugby on sand, it's too hard for scrummages.
Does this mean you;re going to find Two Actual Lesbians to review The Expendables?
their own sexy Arab butlers + Arab dudes with waxed torsos = SCREENCAPS SCREENCAPS SCREENCAPS
I'm a woman and I have never EVER thought Sarah Jessica Parker was attractive.
But as to women's ability to assess other women's attractiveness….I think that might have to do with most women's tendency to throw likability into the equation. People whom we think are fantastic are automatically more attractive. So perhaps guys ought to give these "hot" friends a chance and see if they have compensatory qualities.
Just sayin'.