Tuesday, April 20th, 2010
13

Victory For First Amendment Not So Great For Puppies, Hamsters

Crush videos-films in which attractive women smush small animals under their heels-are once again legal after the Supreme Court struck down a law preventing the depiction of animal cruelty. (Animal cruelty itself is still illegal in many places.) The Court, in a 8-1 decision, found the law to be an overly broad restriction that violates the First Amendment.

13 Comments / Post A Comment

Daisy (#2,667)

Animal cruelty's really not illegal in every place?

saythatscool (#101)

I believe it's actually encouraged in Camden.

saythatscool (#101)

This is terrific news but I shan't rest until I can marry my anime pillow.

http://www.randomfunnypicture.com/pictures/soronery.jpg

Matt Langer (#2,467)

The world pretty clearly needs a crush video/pedal porn hybrid.

brad (#1,678)

i thought that's what the post was about, penis crushing. 'oh', i said to myself, 'that's what city people call weiners now, small animals'. now i am horrified, confused?

Eureka Street (#1,349)

Listen, I am all for showing animals who's boss — eating them, putting words in their mouth on the internet, etc. — but animal cruelty as a form of expression? I dunno, guyz. I feel like there should be a few more common sense clauses than there are in that document.

I think–think–part of the argument is that the law prohibited all depictions of animal cruelty, regardless of whether said depictions were fake, a la "Saw," "Hostel," etc.

Eureka Street (#1,349)

Ah, thank you. I am idiot and you are right. I read "the government lacks the power to outlaw expressions of animal cruelty, when that is done in videotapes and other commercial media," and did not read on long enough to realize by "expressions" they meant "depictions" — and not "instances."

But if I wanted to be intentionally dense about it, I could read it as "this illegal thing becomes expressive and thus magically legal if you videotape it." Which is good, because I always get my prostitutes on film.

Attractive women crushing small animals between their feet and the accelerators of hot rods.

Somebody run with that and get rich. All I ask for is a Members Only-style jacket made of random small mammal fur.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

If a massive kitten smashed a representation of Heidi Montag under its hind-paw, I might be convinced to watch.

HiredGoons (#603)

Surely we can get these women to come to New York and work on this cockroach and rat problem?

Free market solutions, etc.

Pop Socket (#187)

Somewhere Richard Gere is breathing a sigh of relief.

You know what I'd get off on watching? Videos of women in heels crushing the small animals who like to watch women crush animals.

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