Times gossip blogger David Carr is laying out scenarios in which one might enjoy the iPad: "Your partner is watching 'The Amazing Race,' which you find less than amazing. Your day is done and you just want to lay next to him/her and bathe in a glow. You've already downloaded a rental of 'Sherlock Holmes,' which cost $4.99 and took 30 minutes. Put on headphones, hit play. You are alone, together, each of you in your own mediated universe. You hold hands anyway." You know what? I really have NO INTEREST in living like that. I'd rather just wheel my lardy bottom into the permanent virtual reality chamber and hook up the Dr. Pepper I.V. and just CALL IT QUITS. God. Also? SCRABBLE SUCKS. And I don't need a $650 SCRABBLE MACHINE. I don't even need a ZERO DOLLAR Scrabble machine. If I wanted to play Scrabble, I'd spend more time on Facebook. And if I wanted to have a gigantic iPhone that doesn't make phone calls, and basically looks like a thumbprint and hand grease analyzer, well I'm sure that SAMSUNG makes a product that suits my needs.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
55
correction: scrabble does not suck.
Yeah, Scrabble is the greatest game known to man.
It's good to get in the habit now so that when we become an old, we have a habit that will keep our synapses firin away
Scrabble with tumblers of Glenlivet is the post-holiday meal tradition in our family.
It just gets better as you get drunker!
And sometimes I even use ALL MY LETTERS.
Holy crap, are you my mother? She is a holiday-Scrabble -fiend-. Sadly, my father is not, so I am always conscripted as Scrabble-bait.
Also, our official Scrabble dictionary is a Merriam-Webster from 1931, which makes looking up words even more vicious and disputative. Good times for all!
Thats what the Scotch is for.
Cripes, for $650 it should do dishes and have a sex toy app.
Give me $6.50, but you have to dry.
For 65¢, I'll turn on the dishwasher.
Word.
qat
qi; muzjiks
So if the iPad is just another video player, David Carr's hypothetical couple can masturbate to different porn before falling asleep in post-teledildonic exhaustion. With VR goggles and Swanson TV dinners to share, you could marry almost anyone and be satisfied.
And yet, you still don't need to spend $600 to do it.
That's pretty much how we do it, minus all the tech.
Post-teledildonic exhaustion? Whatever that is, I want it.
A Brief History of the 21st Century
We were all thumbs.
Amen...and HTC made one of these for Compaq in like 2000.
SAMSUNG blue, shiny like a mirror...
Butyeah, Carr's hypothetical is downright depressing... although, is it any different from a couple reading two different books au meme temps?...although I guess television is the sort of thing that is best shared, hence misterhippity...
At $99, this thing would be over priced. My $200 netbook does all those things AND has a keyboard.
Also, being alone together with someone is better than being alone along with myself.
should say "better than being alone alone"
http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=Y7MOuD9bqCM&feature=related
Yeah, step on my head when I'm drowning.
Choire, I sympathize with and enjoy your derision of the iPad.
Goons, I sympathize with and enjoy your drinking of scotch.
The only justifiable scenario I can think of is if your significant other was watching some crap like TMZ or Martha Stewart in bed, and you just wanted to watch a little internet porn.
More reasonable solution: Break the fuck up. Anyone who watches TMZ isn't good enough.
Less stupid indeed. Now I guess I know what a thumbprint and hand grease analyzer looks like *scrolls back up to see if he got it right.*
It's nice to see someone staying cynical in the face of hubristic lifestyle branding
But can I get an iPad on my Kindle?
PREACH ON.
Haha the iPad only works with 12 web sites!
http://www.apple.com/ipad/ready-for-ipad/
What would be really funny is if apple.com wasn't one of them.
Anything that big is eminently more droppable, and I do not need droppable things that cost more than a nice dinner/drinks.
I don't know, it seems perfect for when the overhead monitors in my minivan are on the fritz.
That part about "holding hands in a mediated universe" fills me with an overwhelming desire to return to the prior century, immediately.
And if I wanted to have a gigantic iPhone that doesn't make phone calls, and basically looks like a thumbprint and hand grease analyzer
Seriously, what the fuck is up with that? My iPhone used to collect so much grease that I was 1. worried what others were thinking when they saw my screen
2. worried that me and my iPhone would be doomed to a life of adult acne together
3. worried that hippies would begin asking for my grease to power their biodiesel propelled Volkswagens.
Me and my BlackBerry have since become that kid that totally 'got hot' after graduating high school.
Confirmed fact: bacon is better than the iPad (and cheaper), as proved at http://www.ipadbacon.com.
Though it lost the googlefight
http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=ipad&word2=bacon
http://mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/04/01/the-ipad-consumer-2-brave-new-frontiers/
I got the first one, but what does this one even MEAN? I guess I don't really want to know.
I was perplexed too! It appears to be "You can read while taking a dump" after being run through the nytimes Delicate Sensibilities Obfuscation Filter.
That is easily the saddest scenario I have ever read and entirely too close to the way I imagine the few coupled Apple evangelists I know actually live.
And the greasy screen thing is throughly disgusting. Have you ever seen a sweaty face smudge on an already finger-smeared iPhone? Looks like something that ought to be thrown in a plastic bag at a crime scene.
Ok, but I'm already spending $600+ a year on booze and muscle relaxers to self-medicate for carrying a 20lb bag of books.
Get a kindle.
HATE Amazon even more than Facebook and Gawker. TBNT.
Sony reader then. So many choices!
They were wanking over it on GMA this morning. "Look, you can turn pages with it!" to which I replied "Yes, you can do that with a real fucking book too!" which I shouldn't have said because my 3yo was in the room at the time but, dammit, I get so wound up over this nonsense.
The great George Lois had this to say about digital v print:
"It's O.K., I guess. But magazines will never die because there is a visceral feeling of having that thing in your hands and turning the pages. It's so different on the screen. It's the difference between looking at a woman and having sex with her."
Amen. I worked at an early internet shopping company and used to love to say things like, "Man, I was on the subway this morning and I saw all these people reading these great innovations, shopping catalogues! They had tons of pictures on each page, not just one or two like us! And the text - it was really small, but legible! It was something called paper, I think."
Thank you for the is much needed antidote to this:
Apple's iPad is a touch of genius
Who is Theo, and why on earth does he own more than one Kindle??
@garge - the second Kindle is a Summer Kindle on Montauk.
And I'd like to punch in the face anyone who calls someone a "n00b"
The wife prefers I read a book rather than The Awl (or anything else) on my iPhone. It doesn't seem to matter which book, though.
pretty much, you have to re buy all your apps for the ipad version for the real fullscreen (non blurry) native resolution versions. wow. revolutionary!