Thursday, April 1st, 2010

Tao of Dow for April 1

:(The Dow Jones Industrial Average dipped 50.79 points on Wednesday to close at 10,856.63 as Wall Street reacted to news that Baby Upset It's Not a Single Lady. However, stock futures were up overnight, and the market opened high, as investors priced in news that the Nazi hat that professional dirtbag Jesse James was photographed wearing was, his lawyer says, a gag gift from his godfather – and his godfather is a Jew, so that makes it OK!

The Nasdaq Composite Index fell 12.73 points to 2,397.96 as tech investors priced in rumors that the Baby Upset It's Not a Single Lady video might not be playable on the new iPad, because of its lack of Flash support.

Simon Dumenco is The Awl's Senior Wall Street Correspondent and Justin Bieber Bureau Chief.

5 Comments / Post A Comment

sox (#652)

Yeah what is up with i-[insert gadget here]s and Flash support? How am I supposed to listen to myspace music pages at work?

doubled277 (#2,783)

You listen to Myspace music?

sox (#652)

It's perfect for those bands who are just passing through and all 4 of their good songs are on myspace so why waste the money to buy the whole album to just like those 4 songs, ya know?

doubled277 (#2,783)

Makes sense. I only listen to whatever the celebrities tell me to listen to on their 'celebrity playlists' on itunes, so, yeah

Redacted (#2,882)

My favorite part of this is when the dad turns to the camera and says "I'm a horrible father." Why YES, you are SHOOTING A VIDEO FOR YOUTUBE WHILE DRIVING WITH THREE KIDS IN THE BACKSEAT.

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