Phillies Fan's Attempt To Create Exciting "Puke Night" Promotion Fails
How to pay a lot of money to attend a baseball game during your first year of being above the legal drinking age, by Matthew Clemmens of Cherry Hill, N.J.:
1. Get drunk, obviously.
2. Unnerve the two young ladies sitting in front of you (aged 11 and 15) with your inebriated antics.
3. Realize in your beer-soaked haze that scaring the young ladies makes you awesome, and up the ante by pelting them with "insults and vulgarities." Also, overpriced stadium beer.
4. Say "I'm gonna get sick," and subsequently induce vomiting by sticking your fingers down your throat.
5. Succeed in your mission to imitate the T-shirt gun with your recently consumed food, especially the "puke on the kids" part.
6. Fail to realize that the vomit victim's father is a police officer, a fact that might make you feel more punk rock in the moment but that will only make you look even more like a drunk idiot who can only feel like a big man when he picks on people smaller than he is.
7. Get arraigned on a host of charges, with bail set at $12,000.
8. Or the price of approximately 1,777 in-stadium beers. Oopsie!
[Via]
See, this is why I could never watch that Jersey Shore show. Because I know this mammal.
Ah, for the good ol' days when Veterans Stadium actually had a jail.
Can brief summaries of the depravity of Phillies fans please be a regular feature? The world needs to know.
Also, the Mets need a new 1B, 2B, manager, general manager, and third, fourth and fifth starters, and a couple more lefties in the bullpen would be nice.
Along the lines of Jersey Mayhem, but with more shame and alcoholism!
GM needs to be the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th item on that list.
Clone Cashen
South Jersey Mayhem would be my department. Oh the stories I could tell you…
As for the Mets' search for a GM, I believe Ed Wade will be available shortly. If not, throw in a few hookers and welcome Steve Phillips back with open arms.
No Zipper Problem rerun!
DEPRAVITIES? Are you kidding? This comes under the heading of "messin witcha." The depravities are a whole 'nother thing. But yes, please more about the crazy kids in Philly. (And @keiser: yes, we need the under-stadium jail back).
I thought it was only on Knifecrime Island that kids were this dumb and obnoxious.
Philly traded its status as the 6th Borough in order to become an outlying territory of the UK.
The types all come from across the bridge–where it's like Queens with more projectile vomit.
Royals fans: "Sluggrr hit me in the eye with a flying hotdog! waaaah." -so this kind of story is much enjoyed, vicariously.
Oh, and Maura: No breasts?!