Millions of Colds, Staph Infections, Deaths Traced To Apple Stores
- PR NEWSWIRE, FROM JAMA, APRIL 5, 2010: Literally 1 in 200 Americans reported illnesses, strange fungi, odd growths and various hacking coughs after visiting the iPad in its native environment of the Apple Store this weekend. The grubby filth magnet devices, pawed by the elderly and the young alike, were consistently 140% grosser than dollar bills in a taxi cab, scientists reported. While 300,000 were sold on Saturday, the rest remained on those tidy little Apple tables, to infect more visitors with left-behind skin contagions and bits of tween drool-phlegm. No but seriously, my favorite part of The Ritual Visiting of the iPads was the 8-year-old who said to his dad, "See, it's even got Microsoft Word" as he opened "Pages." [Photo by Robert Gaal.]
I have a feeling that they all look(ed) like Buck's Jar O' Vaseline from Kill Bill .
So the virus' don't get in, but they're still trying?
Obviously they need to invest in an iDisinfect app.
I think I need some iDrops.
Someone needs to turn this guy into an app:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4wBLUBa8YI
"this is going to take some time. Everything's…very…DIRRRRty."
But it will blow your nose for you for 99 cents a month, and I hope to hell their Next Big Thing isn't call the iPot.
Luckily there's an app to pay your medical bills…
This is what happens when you handle a piece of shit.
Right now there's someone at Apple working on a super cute package for a wet nap so they can call it an iWipe and charge $15 for it.
Someone in my office brought one in today, and Choire, you're right – it was COVERED in smudgy fingerprints!