Friday, April 23rd, 2010
12

Knifey Brits Slacking Off

This precious blade set in the silver seaAre the inhabitants of Knifecrime Island beginning to renounce their stabby ways? The latest figures from the British Crime Survey show a 7% drop in overall crime in 2009. Also: "Violent crime, burglary and robbery all fell last year. Only sexual offences showed an increase, rising by 2 per cent to 53,239. The level of gun and knife crime also fell, including a 21 per cent drop in fatal stabbings." Bicycle thefts are apparently up, but that is cold comfort to those of us who admire the nation's fondness for the dagger and the alacrity with which they wield it. Maybe it just means doctors are getting better at stitching up the many perforated Britons who arrive in the emergency room with such frequency. Anyway, must try harder.

12 Comments / Post A Comment

Slava (#216)

:(

End of an era…

JohnB (#4,564)

I don't know, Sexcrime Island has a nice ring to it, too.

HiredGoons (#603)

I want to go to there.

deepomega (#1,720)

We've been over this. That's japan.

Flashman (#418)

To celebrate St. George's Day the Guardian has put up a new Ricky Gervais podcast:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/audio/2010/apr/23/ricky-gervais-podcast
Hilarious as usual. Karl suggests that if St. George were to slay the dragon these days everybody would take to the streets in protest: 'that was the very last dragon!'

Flashman (#418)

Forgot to add, to tie it in to this very important post, that the theme of the discussion is 'what it means to be English.'

beatrixkiddo1 (#2,988)

Its probably just because they have those exploding knives now so all the evidence is destroyed.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Too drunk to stab.

HiredGoons (#603)

Needs more Jack the Ripper.

barnhouse (#1,326)

I think Balk embarrassed them by drawing attention to their stabby ways.

LondonLee (#922)

They've all moved to New York to look for "that facking cunt Balk 'oo writes all that bollocks about us on the in'ernet" and give him a good knifing and glassing.

Onjay (#2,679)

Maybe they're all busy trying to steal bikes.

Course, once they've all pedalled to fucking 'Eafrow and there's a flight to NY that doesn't actually fly through Icelandic fucking ash-spew, I think Balk's bollocks may very well be…um…'istry.

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