Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

Cut-Rate Airlines Will Gouge You For Your Own Good

Hope you don't have to take a leak, it's EXPENSIVELow-fare carrier Spirit Airlines will start charging $45 for each piece of luggage passengers bring on the plane with them. The airline bills it as a way to "reduce the number of carry-on bags, which will improve inflight safety and efficiency by speeding up the boarding and deplaning process, all of which ultimately improve the overall customer experience." Meanwhile, budget Irish airline Ryanair is replacing all the toilets in its fleet with coin-operated models that will cost about a buck and half to use. Ryanair hopes that the move will "change passenger behaviour so that they use the bathroom before or after the flight. That will enable us to remove two out of three of the toilets and make way for at least six extra seats." The joys of air travel! Thank God we're all too poor to afford to fly anywhere.


15 Comments / Post A Comment

KarenUhOh (#19)

"Deposit 75 cents to continue an additional ten miles at a safe altitude."

Wait until they start charging extra for a co-pilot! "This will enable us to remove two out of three of the pilots and make way for at least two extra seats."

Bittersweet (#765)

That's why they want to do away with carry-ons – there are probably 10 or 15 morons who'd be willing to travel in the overhead bins at reduced rates.

Although, as KarenUhOh points out below, not too many of them would fit…


Art Yucko (#1,321)

However, if they were willing to provide complimentary bottles of Harp, I'd gladly piss my pants without complaint.

Hmm…what do guys do when toilets are a hassle to access?

Hit the nearest subway staircase?

I'm a cranky fuck and reserve most of my wrath for fellow passengers (because they suck) and not the airlines. Since I travel light, I applaud these measures.

Moff (#28)

I'm not so sure, man. I mean, I travel light too, but $45 for bringing a carry-on with me? If I wanted to go somewhere and not bring anything, I would finally give in and become an air-hobo.

It just seems like, as with so many of their contemporaries in corporate America, the airlines continue to charge us more while offering so, so much less. Thank goodness so many Americans have come to their senses and realized that the only way to change this is to castrate the government and give free rein to the private sector. Wait what.

Ha. I'd board with a Speedo and nothing else if they let me. The damn suits!

Jeff Barea (#4,298)

Because not giving them business, thereby starving their business model into submission, would make you a commie! Wait, Whut?

RyanAir also just raised the fee for checked bags from 15 to 20 euros. Or something like that.

KarenUhOh (#19)

Dear Porcine Moron W/ Steamer Trunk Attached To Wheelie So You Think That Means "Carry On" Who Regularly Crumples My Jacket Into A Softball-Sized Tumor And Rubs Sweating Cankles In My Face While Letting Go W/ Five Hot Whiffs Of Deodorant Failure And French Fry Fart While Trying To Stuff Your Obscenely Large Trailerload Of Festering Undershorts Over My Head Because You're Too Fucking Lazy And Cheap To Pay 25 Bucks To Check A Suitcase Like A Mope Like Me:

I hope you get your $45 worth. Here's a breath mint.

cherrispryte (#444)

I am sorry about that.

Kevin (#2,559)

I just ask if anyone's thirsty.

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