Chocolate Chip: If Whites are the New Blacks, Then Why Am I Doing this White Guy?
Spring is here-so it's time to get that business waxed and get them rocks off. It's the only time of year when I don't feel creepy about being horny 24 hours a day. That said, I want something to be different this year. I want something fresh and new. Don't get me wrong, I stay randy, but when it comes to the men I sleep with, I'm consistently pretty dull. White dude after white dude after white dude after white dude. This is a good thing, in one way, because we all know: most interracial couples are doomed from the beginning.
So why not slap on some Dereon jeans, get a weave and roll out on some 22s with one of the strong, independent, church-going black men my mother keeps telling me about? Stop screwing every Tom, Dick and Harry-and start screwing Leroy, Darrell and John. Less white. More black.
Apparently the New Yorker, in a plot to ruin my imaginary future sex life, caught wind of this master plan and decided to foil it before I had a chance to get it off the ground. This week's book review section, aptly referred to as "The Caucasian Cause" on the contents page, posits that a litany of recently published books suggest that whiteness actually is the new black. My first reaction was, "Hey, this is very interesting. Go blacks!"
But then I was all, "Say what? Like whoa. Hold up. No. They. Didn't!!!!!" It has never been cool to black. Like EVER. What these books reeeealllly mean to say is, "fuck you black people. We white people are so cool we can be white and black at the same time. HA!"
Those clever sons of bitches think they know everything. But I gotta say, I've known for a long time that here in America whiteness is and will always be in vogue. I frequently use this truism to justify my sexual proclivities. You see, I was self-diagnosed with Sally Hemings Syndrome-nothing turns me on more than the idea of getting boned by a white dude who looks like Thomas Jefferson. Consequently, I tend to skew pink in the penis department, desperately trying to recreate those steamy moments in the slave quarters.
Thing is? Most of the white guys I've knocked boots with just don't share this fantasy. They're only tangentially interested in authenticating my blackness by means of a good pork. Which leads me to wonder: am I looking for love in all the wrong places? Does my founding father have any baby daddy potential or am I just in it for the freedom?
I've been thinking on this for a minute now and it occurred to me that this is nothing that anyone should ever be concerned about. So be it. If my speed dial is stuck on "honky," I guess the cracker is going to have to do until the black man of my dreams waltzes into my living room.
In our glorious, post-racial society, where white and black are interchangeable and self-hating Jews run the White House, it's no small wonder that any relationship, inter- or intra-, can function at all. Ask Elin! It's great that Tiger is back, but, wow, what's up with the Elin no-show? Is she standing on principle, refusing to support him as he carefully attempts to rebound his image and career? I think she's getting ready to leave that Negro.
So I say, to Elin and everyone, even though interracial coupledom is toast, don't discriminate. And ladies: if you're like me and you're looking to get laid this spring, definitely keep your racial options open. There are lots of good-looking chicks out there and only a handful of men worth swallowing for.
Charlie is the pen name of a sexually liberated professional young woman in New York City.
Charlie is actually a pen-name for Balk, isn't it?
I'm pretty sure society's only post-racial for the beautiful!
And, this: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/10/05/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/
Reminds me of this piece, "A White Woman Explains Why She Prefers Black Men": http://www.nypress.com/article-12509-a-white-woman-explains-why-she-prefers-black-men.html.
I don't really get why all this "forbidden fruit" kink is considered controversial. Unless you are an old racist grandma, you should get that the best sex involves a frisson of slight inappropriateness. Actually, racist grandmas may understand this better than anybody.
From yer link
Black skin is thick and lush, sensuous to the touch, like satin and velvet made flesh. It's gone beyond kink to fetish…
also this:
http://www.economist.com/blogs/lexington/2010/04/sex_and_single_black_woman
Yeah, there are some hilar generalizations in that article–"How many white men can treat a woman like a lady and ravish her too?" First of all, not sure what that means, other than giving a woman High Tea (and letting her pour) and then raping her. Secondly, Meatloaf.
The Economist story is incredibly depressing; the comments on it, more so.
I really liked this article by Charlie a lot and this comment gave me the same warm, spit-take feeling.
A+
Holy Shit Sally Hemings Syndrome.
I'm planning on becoming a Late in Life Lesbian.
Ok, point taken. Changing my profile picture back to reveal my true white Thomas Jefferson self.
Oh, hunny – sex is one thing, love is another. If you're looking for a white baby daddy, then you've got a loooooonnnngggg roooaaaaddd ahead of you. Unless you skew towards pink and fug. In which case, have at it!
so true…
I don't get it. Please expand.
You gotta kiss a lot of psychological frogs to find your prince charming unless you find one that hit every branch on the ugly tree on the way down and is grateful for the attention.
@CF: Pretty white boys don't tend to impregnate women of colour. Is this news to you?
@MissD: I was not aware of that trend. I guess they don't branch out unless they need to?
Does anyone?
@CF: "Trend"?? Please tell me you're kidding.
If you're willing to overlook politics, there are plenty of white fellows at your nearest Tea Party rally who will be more than happy to indulge in a little Founding Father cosplay.
Few of them will sport TJ's slim, muscular physique, though.
The third paragraph is not the appropriate place to get to the fucking point, unfortunately.
Do you sleep with straight white women ever? Because I kind of love you.
might i recommend some asian brothers for inclusion in the mix. i can vouch for having met some enormously be-penised asian fellows who so down with the brown they had me questioning how black i was…
This column is completely derivative of the works of John Grisham.
this response is a day late & a doller short: http://www.bvnewswire.com/2010/03/30/jill-scott-black-men-white-women-essence/
Well, I'm no Thomas Jefferson, but I do have a bit of experience in this subject. And that experience showed me very vividly that if a black woman in this country wants to fuck a white guy, she can expect all degrees of shit from her family and everyone else in the black community who feels they have the right to comment on the topic. Which is, of course, everyone. Guilt subsequently led me to steer clear of black girlfriends since wrecking their lives wasn't nearly as hot as I though it might be.
Sorry; can't +1 this.
@missdelite: I'm MARRIED to a handsome, successful white man. He works out, and has lovely hazel eyes and nice dark hair. Since we're married, dear, you can safely assume that the little ones will be along pretty shortly. I know a few other BW/WM couples – and according to the U.S. Census, BW/WM are the fastest growing type of interracial marriages in the country right now. I hope you're cured over whatever is ailing you – because frankly, my dear, as heavy a dose of bitterness as the one you seem to have swallowed is VERY unhealthy.
As for this article, I'm not sure what it's about, really. Is it satire or serious? I'm in my late 20s and my guy and I have been in a relationship for 8 1/2 years now. This study also found that black woman/white men marriages tend to be the longest lasting on average: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_7532/is_200804/ai_n32270493/
Therefore, I would say if all of your relationships don't last, then maybe you should speak for yourself only, thanks. I personally didn't go sleeping around; in fact, I was a virgin before marriage. I'm not going to tell you what to do in your personal life…I'm just letting you know you don't speak for all of us.
Have a nice one, all.
1. Look up. See the words "tend to"? This means I've acknowledged the fact that interracial hook-ups sometimes occur.
2. Between you and your friends, we're talking about .00001% of all adult relationships? So by 2020 will the number increase to .00002%? Wow, that's progress!
3. What you interpret as "bitterness" I call a grim look at reality. Please don't tell me that the vast majority of attractive white males don't dicriminate based on race in matters of romance cause then I'd advise you to lay off the sauce.
4. I'll have to take your word that your man is with you for you and not because he's slumming and has issues with his family.
5. I find your tone smug and insufferable. Don't worry, I blame this on your youth and lack of experience. Come back in 10 years and let me know how things work out,ok? Good luck!
Man, I told myself not to take the bait, but here goes. Yes, Velour may be a bit high strung in her defense but you truly need some perspective. You do come off as extremely bitter and cynical. I am a black woman who has dated both a lot ot black guys and a lot of white guys. Speaking for myself alone, I have never in the course of dating a white man felt like I was slumming or vice versa – sometimes people can be attracted to one another and just try to see if there is enough of a connection to work things out. It can be that simple.
I have white male friends who have dated black, asian and white woman moreso for the person than the statement. On the other hand, I know guys who wouldn't date out of their race because their attraction to a particular archetype within their race is so strong (like my co-worker who is only attracted to brunettes with curly hair and has never dated a blonde or anything else)- some people have their preferences, but that's not to mean its crouched in racism, closed mindedness or anything else than people who are attracted to one another will date one another, and sometimes that means a white man will date a black woman.
However, I do realize a bit of this is regional. For instance, in Boston, racism is a bit more prevalent, I found, and I was not getting the feelers from white men that I have in other cities (NY, DC, LA) so I can see how your experiences may have been colored such that you now have such a skewed POV. And again, speaking for myself, my last boyfriend was an attractive Jewish guy and as things got more serious, I not only met his family, but started going to Temple with him and we had the "conversion" talks before life circumstances happened and we were no longer together.
But my point, and I sort of have one, is that its extremely cynical/dumb/singular viewpoint to assume a white man will only date a black woman if he is ugly, has family/personal problems, or is using her as some type of placeholder or experiment. Maybe since you ask Velour to grow up (which makes no sense as she is married to a white man and unlikely to change her POV as she ages), your perspective is tinged because you are older and have not realized the world is changing, even if only in small ways, and/or you live in a city where this kind of thing is verboten and so now you have generalized your specific experience to the rest of the world. Also, perhaps you are very young and popping off at the mouth with sweeping generalizations, as youths tend to do.
Also, to address briefly the white guy who stopped dating black girls b/c he doesn't want to ruin their lives, are you kidding me? That is just so grandiose and over the top that I am just goint to assume that that was a joke.
I haven't dated a black woman in 30 years or so, ae. I had opportunities, but never followed them up. A whole lot of black people have problems with black women dating or marrying white men.
A whole lot of people have a whole lot of problems, period. Plus, a 30 year old anecdote may not be the best way to assess the current climate on this matter. Frankly, I would not be shocked either way.
@ae38: You make a lot of assumptions about me and my perspective based on scant evidence. This has to do with the limitations of the Internet more than anything else and also a degree of arrogance on your part, as if my experiences don't carry weight. "Walk a mile in my shoes" seem apropos here, but hardly realistic.
And sweetie, I'm one of the nicest people you'll never meet. Not a bitter fucking bone in my body. I'm well aware how my wry sense of humour comes off to some people, and I've no use for niceties in a forum such as this, so allow me to suggest we not discuss this matter any further as I've grown quite bored with it.
Have a nice weekend.
Was this post written by Tour'e or his cousin?!
@missdelite I've been approached by many white men, especially during and after my college years when I've been in multicultural or predominantly white environments. Black women and white men are starting to get together more now that we have more opportunities to interact socially. Of course most people date and socialize within the "race" in the U.S., because that's how most are socially conditioned. As color barriers come down and people interact more, more people are realizing that the color of the skin doesn't determine character or the ability to love, and are acting on the attractions they once may have kept hidden. NYC is multicultural, and these days I see black women and white men dating at unprecedented rates, so yes, I do believe the marriage rate of these pairings will continue to shoot up.
My guy and his family get along just fine; in fact they've accepted me with open arms. My family is from the Caribbean, where people of all colors are well-integrated compared to the U.S., so they didn't make a big deal out of it, either. Some of that is more American than anything. White men, men of all colors go crazy over black women when we travel overseas.
My guy is with me because he's attracted to me, both inside and out. Actually, he was telling me just yesterday that he loves my full lips, softly rounded nose, soft brown skin that shines in the sunlight, curves, and youthful-looking skin (many people think I'm in my early 20s). Not to toot my own horn, but beautiful women attract MEN. He also loves my spirit of determination, intelligence, how I have dreams and strive for them, the way my mind works, and so many other things about me. I'm so sorry if I disappointed you by telling you this. I know how delicate some of our elders can be, and the last thing I would want would be for anyone to have a stroke or something worse on my behalf. Please take care to have a good night's rest.
@ae38 Maybe I could have responded in a better way to missdelite earlier; it was just awkward finding the right words to say when she seemed so angry. I hope I haven't upset her further. Thanks though, and for sharing your experience, too.
Ha! You're a piece of work and I don't like you.
Now go make those babies if for no other reason than to prove my initial statements incorrect. Tick tock, darling..tick-fucking-tock.
That was meant for "Velour", the impudent bitch.
@My Number is My Address: Class, neighborhood in which one grows up, etc. are becoming more important these days than color. There are celebrity white men married to black women, including the Prince of Liechtenstein, Justin Chambers, Peter Norton, David Bowie and many more.
@Miss Delite: My older sister has been married to a white man for well over 10 years, and I have an elderly aunt who's been married to a white man for far longer. I also have other friends and family who are married to white or Chinese men, because as I said, in the Caribbean, there are all types of people and it really isn't a big deal. I'd never make as important a life decision as making a baby in order to prove a point to someone on the internet. I've always had the confidence to do as I feel is best regardless of what others think.
Maybe it was the naivete of my youth, but I expected a civil discussion. I forget that not everyone had the same type of training and education as I did. It was unfair of me to hold you high expectations – but you can be sure I've drastically lowered them. You don't need to be so angry at women who've found happiness with the men you want. I won't return to this thread…I don't want your rudeness, crassness, aggression and vulgarity to become a habit – because then you'd always be alone. Men do like their women feminine and dainty after all. I hate to see a fellow woman so unhappy in her life, so I'm sending you good vibes. Best wishes to you and yours.
You don't need to be so angry at women who've found happiness with the men you want.
Jesus Christ bitch, will you please get over yourself? Not every woman wants your man whom I suspect may be on the down low. No matter, even if he is straight, I wouldn't be attracted to the type of guy who'd hook up with a tight ass such as yourself. Do you fart diamonds, hun? Cause that's the only thing about you that might amuse you.
Psst – here's a tip: That false pedestal you're on is a house of cards. Someone needs to knock you off of it but I won't be the one to do it. No, life will take care of that nicely by itself.
Remember when I called you "smug and insufferable"? Check and check – you've delivered on both fronts with a fourish. If you don't come back, I won't miss you as I've no need of your enema-inducing comments.
Now fuck off. Go away. We're done.
This thread is CLOSED.
ETA: "Cause that's the only thing about you that might amuse me."
"flourish"
MissDelite: From the day of my birth, my soul has been filled with inner riches, which is simply joy for just being made who I am, and the certainty that I have a special destiny in this world. Just as I don't need anyone or anything to validate it, no one can take it away.
In all seriousness, it would be morally wrong of me to continue this discussion. I finally see now that you are suffering deeply. You staked your pride in a particular, superficial quality – and now the rug has been pulled from beneath you and your world has come crashing down. I see now you're not ready to accept the idea that men who marry women who are different than you do so because they want to, rather than because the men are ugly, damaged, gay, etc. It's ok, because you don't have to right now. One day you will reach a place where the validation will come from within and not without. I understand why the presence of a confident woman triggered you to react in an aggressive manner. I wish you the best on your healing journey.
*Yawwwwwwwwn*
Most people I've ever heard of date in their class these days. Race and religion aren't so important but as long as race and class lines are similar you'll have less inter-racial dating. Where people of different races but similar class backgrounds mingle so too will their fluids.
This is the truth. I think if nothing else the Obama presidency proves anything it should be that race is anything besides a social construct. To the extent that bigotry prevails amongst the younger generation (it does) it stems from class, not race or religion.
*nothin* besides…wait that still isn't right. Dammit.
Was Kelefa Sanneh's New Yorker article tl;dr for you? Because it said no such thing. As a matter of fact, this is in the last paragraph:
"It doesn't mean that white is the new black-the two races have never been symmetrical, and never will be. And it doesn't mean that whiteness is innocent of history-you can't tell the story of whiteness (or, for that matter, blackness) without talking about racism. But, if the old race theory was brutally reductive, there is something reductive, too, about the idea that whiteness, for all its paradoxes, isn't real. The history of human culture is the history of forgeries that become genuine, categories that people make and cannot simply unmake. So we should probably stop thinking of whiteness as an error, and start thinking of it, instead, as a work in progress."
you are soooooooooo right. i had better rethink this WHOLE thing. brb.