Thursday, April 29th, 2010

Burger King Now Serving Breakfast Late

Apparently this is now our most recognizable cultural reference pointBurger King is doing its part to help accelerate our country's incipient extinction-through-obesity program by bringing brunch-a meal heretofore only available to sophisticated metropolitans like the ladies from "Sex and the City" (this was the actual example provided by CNN)-to its customer base of slovenly, ill-mannered buffoons whose lack of proper dentistry makes the concept of "chicken fries" both palatable and easy on the gums. But how will the company be able to educate a clientele which is surely ignorant of customary brunch refinements such as "napkins" and "salad forks," that there is more to a meal than an overheated patty of gristle and cow anus quickly washed down with a chocolate-seeming substance that has been thickened with potato starch? By mixing the exotic with the familiar.

The menu is set to feature a breakfast sandwich of eggs, cheese, tomato, ham, bacon and smoky tomato sauce served on Ciabatta bread, Whoppers (which are not usually available in the morning) and the BK Mimosa — a nonalcoholic version of the classic cocktail with Sprite standing in for the traditional champagne.

Sacrilege! The idea that the Mimosa, that elite, urbane concoction-the nectar of the upper class, the ambrosia of the aristocracy-should be shared with the Nickelback-loving plebes in even a bastardized form such as this is horrifying. I hope the gentry responds by adopting a sacred dining custom of the lower orders and turning it into something it can call its own. I suggest le repas quatrième.

6 Comments / Post A Comment

Andy Rosenberger (#3,872)

When I saw this headline on Twitter, I thought it was gonna say that BK was gonna serve regular breakfast until like 2, every day. I literally jumped out of my seat. The reality of it still has me excited.

Isn't this Cho's beat?

NicFit (#616)


petejayhawk (#1,249)

Alex Balk is the co-editor of The Awl and he eats a LOT. The Awl has no financial arrangements with Burger King or its parent company Burger King Holdings Corporation.

Raymond Malloy (#4,682)

Finally a chance to wear my tuxedo shirt

hazmathilda (#839)

CHICKEN FRIES. I split a 36-pack of those with a friend one afternoon. No regrets (live fast, die young)

Pandemic Endemic (#3,825)

You forgot to mention the new BK Bloody Mary, made from ketchup with a pickle chip garnish.

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