Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

Letters to the Editors of Women's Magazines

HEY LADYWish You'd Reconsider
I am appalled at the comment you made concerning Michelle Obama in "The Style 100." Saying she deserved a Congressional Medal for "banishing the nattily tailored First Lady suit" was distasteful. Apparently you don't know what the medal is since you made such a lighthearted comment.
Judy C., Santa Clarita, CA (InStyle, March 2010)

You deserve a Congressional Medal-thrown at your head. But I know that there's a lot of you guys working there, so imagine like you're all standing in a line and the medal just goes through each of you guys's heads one by one. Blam, blam, blam! It also has a little gun embedded in it.
Natalie T.S., Bozeman, MT

Beautiful Benefits
I'm thankful for the feature on 10 miracle foods [January, "Eat Your Way Gorgeous"]. I have noticed that I look and feel much better when I eat fruits, vegetables, whole grains, soy, nuts, and other pure vegetarian foods rather than meats and dairy products. Your article helped me understand why.
Katie M., Baltimore (InStyle, March 2010)

I have noticed that I look and feel much better when I'm drunk, doyoyoy.
Lisa F., Vancouver

The Glamorous Life
Thank you for "The Fashion Insiders' Diet" [August]. It has really changed my view on dieting. With your examples of what these stylish women eat and snack on, I was truly able to look at my own habits and make some changes. So far, I've lost six pounds without starving myself a bit!
Katie M., Quebec, Canada (Allure, November 2009)

I wish I could be a fly on the wall during some of those stylish women's meals-I'd fly right into their mouths and down their throats before they could spit me out. Then I'd live inside their stomachs for the rest of my life, making little houses out of other stuff they ate-like I'd make a little bed out of a corn kernel and a little toy out of a poppy seed.
Theresa F., Lancaster, PA

Hot or not
In "Click Here for a Good Time" [November, page 128], you stated that although women are taught that good girls don't look at porn, we should feel normal exploring it alone and with partners. I'd like to remind readers that it's also normal and healthy not to be interested in porn.
Jane H., Boulder, CO (Self, January 2010)

I'd like to remind readers that it's also perfectly normal and healthy to think of yourself as just a face with a very vague body underneath that you never think about or look at. For instance, if I had to draw a picture of myself, I'd draw a nice, detailed face with just a light oval drawn below it in pencil to indicate the rest.
Jill G., Grosse Point, MI

I say it often: I want to be Michelle Obama when I grow up! (Does it matter that I'm 34?!)
MsK., on glamour.com

I want to be a button when I grow up. You know, one of those circles that help clothes stay closed? My name is Alice, and I'm 115-the big one one five.
Alice F., Richmond, VA

Lighter side
I'm at a loss. For months, we've read about how having overweight friends leads to eating more and gaining weight ourselves because we tend to feast like our buddies. But now, according to the February Eat-Right Flash [pate 82], we pig out when we dine with our slim friends, too! I'm sure people are more prone to emotional eating when they're chowing down alone, so I've got to ask: Who can I dine with and not gain weight?
Rosie M., Oakland, CA (Self, April 2010)

OMG what if a bunch of really fat people ate a bunch of really skinny people?! LOL, imagine if you ate someone because you thought human flesh didn't have any carbs, but then it turned out the person you ate had just eaten a bunch of bread right before they died? LOL, the joke would be on you! LOL, eat your friends!

Melanie T., Santa Fe

I loved your piece about managers who are incompatible with computers. My co-worker and I have a running joke when our boss can't find the e-mail icon on her desktop and always asks us where it went. Behind her back, we say, "Oh, here it is-in my pocket!" I am committed to staying up on the latest technology-like Twitter-just so I don't become a burden on future generations.
Traci M., Waco, TX (Marie Claire, January 2010)

I wish someone would invent a hollow necklace filled with embalming fluid so you could drink it right before you died and save everyone the trouble of cleaning you up afterward. It would have to be a really big necklace, though-it might be more like a plastic sack you dragged behind you-but it would obviously be worth it. It would come with a special pointed straw, too, like on a juice box, and you'd poke it in right when you were ready. Then there would never be a mess and no one would ever be mad at you.
Lynn O., Dubuque

Edith Zimmerman still lives in Brooklyn and also works here.

24 Comments / Post A Comment

Bittersweet (#765)

Omigah, I saw that letter in the January Marie Claire and thought it would make an awesome Edith letter. And it did! Besties, forever, Edith! Let's go get drunk so we look and feel better.

permafrost (#2,735)

Oh god the "fly on the wall" letter is hysterical. I've missed this feature!

barnhouse (#1,326)

Hours later and still, I can hardly type for the intermittent spontaneous guffaws esp. embalming fluid juice-pak!! Purely delightful.

That Katie M. sure moves around a lot.


Baroness (#273)

I agree with irate Judy C. in the first letter. In this day and age, using a racist term like "nattily" is inexcusable.

cherrispryte (#444)

Lisa F. stole the secret to my self esteem!!!!

Dear Edith,

Will you marry me?



mle (#1,292)

I love many features on The Awl, but this one, this one i love so much I would let it hit me when it had a bad day.

Sometimes people say the darndest things!

Not just darnder things. The darndest!

Oh Judy C., you are, hands down, my favorite for the Congressional Medal in STFUppery.

Abe Sauer (#148)

Oh No, I actually agree with Judy C.!

Yes, but would you write in to InStyle to complain about it?

Abe Sauer (#148)

In 30 years… MAYBE!

HiredGoons (#603)

Oh, how I laughed…

KarenUhOh (#19)

Are you worried about what would happen if you tried to perform a dental examination on Anne Hathaway wearing those glasses I stole from the $6 Seniors Before Five showing of Avatar?"–KarenUO, Nowhere, Fast

Atencio (#399)

When the internet becomes tv and The Awl is a primetime show, I hope this feature becomes the nightly equivalent of the top ten list.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

Oh my god, if the internet becomes TV I'll just leap off a bridge, thanks. I'm going to have nightmares for a week now.

hugesunglasses (#2,696)

Never stop doing this.

saythatscool (#101)

I want to wear your brain like a hat and have your thoughts osmotically discharge into my wet noodle.

I think that's the creepiest compliment I can pay you.

mickeyitaliano (#2,202)

I did something like this backin 1985 based on the letters to Parade…"Settle a bet" This is almost as good as "the un-ethitist"

Timesnewromance (#4,146)

This is my favorite feature I wish you'd do these more but I mean I am not about to get greedy with it it's great to just be able to read any. Well, OK

Snowy (#4,150)


Tulletilsynet (#333)

I hate it when I become a burden on future generations.

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