Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

Glorified Veal Pen Now Equipped With TVs

You'd better watch itIn an experiment to determine whether or not watching video of the Swiss Alps will make cows do their cow thing in a more efficient way, a Russian farmer

has rigged one side of his shed with 40-inch LCD TVs so that one row of cows can watch footage of the Swiss Alps, where the grass is green and the skies are blue. The cows on the other side are afforded no such diversion.

The farmer is monitoring his cattle to see if the TV-watching cows are more "happy and productive."

Part of me wants to believe that this will really work, and that the cows will be more content. But another part of me-the evil, cunning part-thinks the farmer would be better off showing the cows pictures of the barn's most productive animals. There's nothing more motivating than fear that if you don't churn out enough product you're going to end up at the abattoir.

18 Comments / Post A Comment

HiredGoons (#603)

It may be Science Mr. Balk, but it may also be Art.

Telegram Sam (#3,847)

I don't know anything 'bout science, but I knows what I likes. And I likes cows watching teevee.

Works for us, why not for cows?

TroutSavant (#1,990)

But is it high-def?

HiredGoons (#603)

Um, as Americans, haven't we learned that exposing animals to unlimited television will serve nothing save making them fat, stupid, complacent, and wary of cows who come from farms far away* where they may do things 'differently.'

*(les vaches)

kneetoe (#1,881)

You sir have just described the perfect cow.

I take my milk like I take my men: full-fat and desensitized to violence and risky behaviors.

Telegram Sam (#3,847)

Aren't people cooking with breasticle milk now? It's only a matter of time before a bunch of fatties become poor enough to strap on a pump while they watch Dr. Phil.

I for one am looking forward to the extra burst of aggression I expect to get from the Grand Theft Auto-enhanced dairy products that are sure to follow.

"Good news, Bessie – you're going to The Alps!"

kneetoe (#1,881)

I have many questions, but I'll start with this one: why the fucking Alps?

riotnrrd (#840)

Augh, a still from "Barnyard"! I worked on that colossal cowflop and the shame still burns brightly. Why did the male cow have udders? WHY? WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY?!?

Telegram Sam (#3,847)

And now K.James will be hosting the Kids Choice Awards. Talk about a show falling from grace.

kneetoe (#1,881)

But were the females horny?

Slava (#216)

Is this some kind of "Animal Farm" thing, where the 'cows' are us?!

LolCait (#460)

I know what this post is about!

HiredGoons (#603)

oh shit.

ow that hurt (#3,919)

A 40-inch flat screen: one more thing cows have, that I don't.

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