Wednesday, March 31st, 2010
22

'90s Sitcom Star Blames Britain's Knifey Ways On Decolonization, Jedward

Bottle can also be used as knife"Of course they all go about with knives because it's exciting. Horrifying! I think they're bored stiff. Nobody's said, ‘Hey boys, I want you lot in my ship now, we're off to have a really immense adventure.' In the old days, because of Empire, our young men were always going out to do something. And now they're not. And now we've got those same boiling boys and we expect them to sit and watch X Factor! Are we mad?"
-Ab Fab star/Gurkha advocate Joanna Lumley explains how Knifecrime Island got that way.

22 Comments / Post A Comment

ericdeamer (#945)

Geezers need excitement. If their lives don't provide them this they incite violence. Common sense. Simple common sense.

Flashman (#418)

swings and roundabouts, swings and roundabouts, innit?

Carry on through the estate, stare at the geezers so they know you ain't lightweight. And go see your mates.

Somehow, I think the rest of the world is glad these boiling boys are keeping their violent tendencies confined to the home island. From Malaya to the Hindu Kush, this looks like a win-win.

ProfessorBen (#1,254)

From Prague to Amsterdam to various Greek and Spanish beaches, the english channel may not appear so large.

Canada to India
Australia to Cornwall
Singapore to Hong Kong
From the West to the East
From the rich to the poor
Victoria loved them all

Baroness (#273)

Haaaated the Irish though.

My 100%Irish DNA says thanks for the memory. I love Lumley as an actress. And maybe now we know why Patsy was such a good character. Does she have an inkling of life outside her well-guarded compound??

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

Americans don't like to admit this, but we're pretty terrible at slaughtering foreigners. We did OK in the '40s, but that was a fluke. Other than that, the Ewoks seem to beat our stormtroopers every time.

So to make up for it, we make movies, music, games, and TV shows full of people being slaughtered. We're like the shrimpy kid who talks tough so that he won't be picked on at recess. "Don't mess with the US, or we'll go Tarantino on your ass!" (Tarantino being a nerd who worked at a video store.)

The Brits, on the other hand, honed slaughtering foreigners to an art. And their movies and TV are all about domestic spats, absurd comedy, and phone booth time machines.

LondonLee (#922)

There was a joke in the 80s about America trying to start World War Three to make up for being late for the previous two.

Well, I am relieved to see that she is still delightful.

LondonLee (#922)

Our Joanna did a fair bit of arse-kicking in her younger days

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtFNlKC3eXM&feature=related

And was a single mother back in the day when that wasn't so easy.

WindowSeat (#180)

Seems obvious that BBC needs to charter a cruise ship, stuff it full of Stanley knives,pint glasses and yobs; give them an IV of cider and lager (looney juice) and have them cruise the coast of Somalia. Chavs vs. Pirates will be the hit of the season!

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

I would watch it.

Mindpowered (#948)

I know.

Ever since the Cruts lost India, there has been no place to go to turn milksop into MEN. The effects are obvious.

WindowSeat (#180)

John Lydon, Pete Doherty and George O'Dowd in the Gavin McLeod, Julie Tewes and Ted Lange roles?

City_Dater (#2,500)

Just locking those three in a room together would be swell; putting them out to sea surrounded by drunks in track suits would be stellar.

deepomega (#1,720)

I'm taking a twitter hat tip for this one!

SeaBassTian (#281)

Personally, I am still reeling from the thought that Patsy Stone is almost a senior citizen @ 63. Crikey!

"Who dies in their own vomit, now, Eddy?"

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