"Last fall, when the designer Cynthia Rowley, a Leo, emailed Ms. Miller to invite her to her show, the astrologer convinced her to change the date, which was astrologically 'dreadful.' ('Who can argue with Susan Miller?' Ms. Rowley emailed The Observer.) Recently, Elle creative director Joe Zee, a Sagittarius, was cautioned in his forecast to be careful about retaining flood insurance. Not long afterward, 'I had a leak in my roof and my kitchen flooded,' he said." Astrologer Susan Miller, described herein as 'startlingly sane' (maaayybe), will tell you for $500 that you should get flood insurance. She also gets great reviews from everyone I know that's seen her, to be fair. So I gave her website a whirl!
I turned, of course, to her Vacation Guide for Scorpio.
Your idea of a terrific vacation is one that gives you ultimate privacy in a beautiful, soothing setting.
Oh my God, it's like she's inside my brain pan.
Pluto, your ruler, gives you a strong penchant for seclusion, and the fact that you are a water sign suggests you might enjoy a cottage at a beautiful seashore far from maddening crowds.*GASP*
Ideal places might include Prince Edward Island, the shoreline of Maine, Newport, Rhode Island, the Hawaiian Islands, an Adirondack camp, or the Florida Keys–all places to read, fish, kick back and work hard on not working at all.I HAVE BEEN TO FOUR OUT OF SIX OF THOSE PLACES!
Or, you might consider a cruise to the Greek Islands or through the Mediterranean, if not on a private yacht, then on an exclusive cruise that will cater to your every need.Yes. I would absolutely consider that.
I give her advice an A++!
This is total bullshit. As if you would leave the country.
Also related: http://killingthebuddha.com/mag/exegesis/astral-procrastination/
This lady is like a Madlibs for your future.
One time Susan Miller told me not to buy electronics in the month of October. I was planning to buy a TV but I held off until the following month. All went well.
But I forgot that a food processor is electronics kind of, and I bought one of those that October, and then one day something got messed up with the lid and OMG PUREED FOOD ALL OVER THE CEILING. It is still there. I will never cross Susan again.
This is the thing about her that is so eerie, she keeps PULLING THAT OFF.
She told me I would receive good news last Friday with regards to employment. After over a year unemployed, I got a job offer AND had another interview go well such that they are flying me out next week. So yeah, I'm a believer.
She should go along on doctor's visits and stuff.
And to the convenience store when you buy Powerball tickets.
hmm, maybe you need a local nj psychic. she only does bodegas and Mega.
I read that bit for Scorpio, and I was thinking, "Oh my god! That's exactly the kind of vacation I like! Except for beaches. I fucking hate beaches."
So I looked up the vacation guide for Aquarius, thinking, "OK, this should be exactly like the Scorpio guide except with no beaches in it." And guess what!
"Going anywhere too ordinary or touristy will bore you, dear Aquarius, so make sure your next vacation is an adventure... an offbeat trip to an unexplored area you have never seen would be ideal."
THIS IS ALSO EXACTLY WHAT I LIKE IN A VACATION, YET NOT AT ALL THE THING SHE SAID FOR SCORPIO.
So I picked a random sign and looked that up. In theory, the recommendation should be along the lines of "Go somewhere incredibly touristy and boring with a big group of people in a shitty mode of conveyance." And guess what!
It said beaches. I fucking hate beaches.
But it did recommend bringing a camera, which is pretty good advice even if you're not a Cancer.
For Pisces: "Your love of costume and fantasy might make a trip to New Orleans at Mardi Gras great fun. (Be careful however‹if things get too loud or boisterous, the Fish will quiver.)"
I never realized I couldn't deal with noise or parties until now. Although she told me to bring a camera, too, presumably to record my eventual breakdown on Bourbon Street.
"a cruise to the Greek Islands or through the Mediterranean"
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
"As a matter of fact, in ancient days, the king of the land always used to choose the Gemini among his staff to write the rules of the land on the clay tablets. If other signs were chosen to transcribe them, no one would understand them - and then the populace would not be able to follow them!"
You know the best thing about astrology? The fact that it's really real! (See above historical citation.)
Anyone else here a Gemini? Apparently we're going to have the most kickass day of all days in just a few weeks:
When Jupiter meets up with the mighty Sun on February 27 - a glow you will feel earlier, as soon as February 25 or 26 and as late as February 28 - you will have a day to use that is so rare and special, you've not seen any like it since February 23, 1998. You won't see anything like it again until March 5, 2022, when the Sun again meets with Jupiter in Pisces.
Maybe we should liveblog it?
Yes!!
(I wonder if any of my old blogs from 1998 are still around? For historical purposes!)
Oh my goshness that's me. I hope it's true, but looking at my work calendar I can't imagine that it could be. Hope!
Gemini here. This troubles me, because those are exactly the dates I will be visiting my family in the midwest. I am heading to OED to search for all arcane meanings of special to see what sinister kind of day I am in for ..
I'm a Gemini with no plans on the 27th. What should I do? I can't think of anything special enough.
Maybe I should go furniture shopping? It could be the day I finally find a nice but affordable TV stand.
As a long-time Susan Miller fan, I believe that kick-ass day applies to all signs. Apparently, it is THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR. FOR ALL!! Universal live-blogging?
Why is her website so ghetto?
Her code monkey is a Taurus. Yeah, I know, go figure!
I know, for someone who works for Elle, you'd think she had at least a basic understanding of design.
arrgh, I mean, obviously, "she would have". I think all this star talk is having an adverse effect on me.
My tea leaves this morning told me astrologers are bullshit! What do I do Susan!?
You can start by cross-referencing with your coffee grounds. One can never be too thorough with these consultations.
Step up your divination game, I guess. Do any of your neighbors have pets?.
@Gef: not anymore.
"If the great outdoors aren't for you or if you've done it all, spring for a completely different kind of rush; casino gambling in Las Vegas, London or Monaco? Try your hand at a game of blackjack or slip a quarter in a slot machine‹you'll love the thrill of chance (especially when it brings victory)... Mars also instills in you a love of competition, so you'd also really enjoy a spectator sport destination, such as The Kentucky Derby."
If I'm reading these Aries vacation suggestions correctly, Susan Miller is advising me to skip vacations altogether and instead develop a severe, debilitating gambling addiction. Finally, this is the kind of horoscope advice I can use.
"This month could become a welcome turning point to a much more prosperous, stable future. For two years, and possibly longer, you were hit by a series of difficult planetary storms that whipped up suddenly and affected your finances negatively. That period is soon to end for good by July, but in the meantime, you will get very exciting, heartening news about money this month. It's clear that those clouds are lifting and a new day is dawning, dear Aquarius. "
Hmmm, I've been at my job for two years and I need a change (read: higher tax bracket).
I'm going to choose to believe this, if only to avoid swallowing a bottle of pills.
I'm also an Aquarius (happy birthday, btw) but I've been pretty happy financially for the past two years. Does this mean I will win the lottery or something?
I smell a malpractice suuuuuuit!!!
(birthday's on Tuesday - thanks!)
Woah, my boyfriend's an Aquarius and he's supposedly getting a raise this month!
KEEP TELLING ME THINGS LIKE THIS.
This is eerie. I read her Budget Travel Tips for Scorpios, and she agreed that I don't even have to take my head out of the toilet.
I hope she understands the irony of the tab that reads 'Cosmic Tools'
*snortle*
"Make your vacation a pilgrimage all its own to a holy place, such Rome, Nazareth, Tibet, Mecca, Jerusalem or Bethlehem."
One-way ticket to Mecca, please!
Did you pilgrimage to Prince Edward Island because you are obsessed with Anne of Green Gables??????!?
I'm imagining me and Choire, traipsing around Green Gables in a happy dream because we are at THE ANNE SHRINE! Also wearing red braids. It's quite the mental picture.
I'm frightened Auntie Em, I'm frightened!
She wants me to go to a spa on my vacation. Preferably in Sun Valley or Sedona. I would slit my own wrists rather than do that, in either of those places.
Then she recommends that I go listen to outdoor concerts in rustic environments.
I think Susan Miller wants me dead.
You're just denying yourself.
You're so right. Deep in my heart of hearts, there's an aging ex-hippie-ish wife-of-a-lawyer who wears lots of pashminas and "authentic" Navajo jewelry. Oh dear Goddess, I'm denying the true expression of my free-spirited-yet-so-ancient soul.
Either that, or your parents are lying to you about your birthdate.
I'm just gonna guess that Hawaii and the Florida Keys (neither of which you are likely to have taken a road trip to) are the two you haven't visited. Now, do you go back to a place you loved, or do you try something new? Who's gonna help you figure that one out??
"Welcome to one of the most dazzling months of 2010, dear Taurus! You have been working hard, and now February brings a new and very different influence, one that will bring you more fun, love, and a richer personal life. That's not to say you will have to put your career on hold - not at all. As a matter of fact, this month you will have your cake and eat it, too. In this glorious month, there are cosmic goodies in many areas! What a month, dear Taurus!"
Well then, party at my place!
"Cosmic goodies" kind of sounds like code for alien lady- or man-parts. Enjoy!
"Vacationing is nearly serious business for you. You have packing down to a science, so you rarely forget anything. You even remember things like a Swiss Army knife in case you need to open a bottle or cut a string in your hotel room, plastic bags to separate dirty laundry and contain any shampoo bottles that might explode in a pressurized cabin, a mini-first aid kit. You even pack a small duffle bag to fill with souvenirs for the return trip. Your amazing attention to detail always pays off laterãyour traveling companions have it made!"
This is so woefully untrue that I'm embarrassed just reading it. (Maybe my parents lied about when I was born?)
You're a messy Virgo too? Yes, I read that and laughed.
She's got me pegged
"Your sign does not enjoy sleeping on a small cot, pullout bed or in an RV. You'd opt for a hotel that offers a spacious room with a view, plenty of European goose down pillows, Egyptian cotton sheets and soft, snuggly comforter encased in an elegant white cotton duvet. Add beautifully scented body gel, thick terry robes, a private Jacuzzi, room service and chocolates on the pillows, and you'd be blissfully relaxed."