Wednesday, February 24th, 2010
42

So Long, Hummer!

THE HUMMER IS DEAD.

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42 Comments / Post A Comment

Daisy (#2,667)

(Choire's just getting back at Balk.)

Noooooooo!

This is just not fair. Unlike nowadays, no-one gave out hummers when I was in high school.

Now you're telling me I can't even buy one? Shit.

Sproing (#561)

Sadly, the grave is too ridiculously big for me to climb up and dance on.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

Long live the Hummer.

sixlocal (#296)

Don't worry, I'm sure GM is developing the "Ass-to-Mouth" hybrid SUV to take its place.

Murgatroid (#2,904)

How are the rich going to overcompensate now?

or the small penised.

Murgatroid (#2,904)

Kinda what I meant. I think.

I believe the vehicle you're looking for is the Unimog, which has actually been marketed to the same demographic.

Quinacridone (#81)

Something like Chad Ochocinco's truck would work too.

brianvan (#149)

You can still buy the civilianized Army version, produced by AM General until 2006, which is what all the rich clever people did before the H2 came out and it became as American and obnoxious as Coca Cola.

It is amazing how fast pop culture relics of the Naughties are becoming obsoleted and discontinued.

Astigmatism (#1,950)

Sadly, Hummer drivers still live.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Some will find this hard to swallow.

paperbackwriter (#2,844)

Is dry humping still alive?

djfreshie (#875)

The hummer is dead but the rimjob lives on.

katiebakes (#32)

I dig Land Rover Defenders. Is that still allowed?

Fortunately, I had already planned on upgrading to a Hydrofoil.

Balk's Cock is understandably inconsolable.

HiredGoons (#603)

That's a doozy!

WellThen (#1,251)

I felt that sentence should have begun with "Ding dong." Pop culture may have ruined my brain forever.

p is for pee (#900)

I second that notion.

nicole (#2,443)

yes yes! me too!

First, they try to sell Saab back to the Swedes: Fail (eventually Spyker bought it). Then they try to sell Saturn to Penske: Fail. Then they try to sell Hummer to Yu Wan Mei Amalgamated Salvage Fisheries and Polymer Injection Corporation or whatever: Fail.

Moral: GM is bad at selling things!

Alternate:

Alternate? GM is so bad at selling things only the Dutch would buy from them…

Onjay (#2,679)

Farewell Hummer. Hello Bandvagn.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2XT3xF_z-8

Abe Sauer (#148)

Poor Hummer. It was the sarah palin of cars. It took on the spite and ridicule of those who reveled in hating it and its fans reveled in being hated and yet according to government fuel economy and greenhouse gas emissions ratings for Miles Per Gallon City/Highway (MPG) and Greenhouse Gas Emissions (tons/yr), the Hummer (H3) rates 14/18 MPG; 11.40 t/y.

But:
* Cadillac Escalade 12/19; 12.20 t/y
* Rolls-Royce Phantom 11/18 MPG; 13.10 t/y
* Land Rover Range Rover 12/18 MPG; 13.10 t/y
* Porsche Cayenne 12/19 MPG; 13.10 t/y

And then there is the Mercedes-Benz ML63 AMG, which at 11/15 MPG and 15.20 tons/year makes the Hummer look like an environmentally reasonable choice.

But the H3 is the baby hummer! The H2 weighs so much they don't even have to report fuel economy (but the reviewers put it at (or near) the bottom of all of those) (thanks wikipedia!). As for CO2, once they redesigned it, they got it down to 412g/km (in the UK!) which isn't here, but works out to hmmm, lessee, carry the 7, etc., etc., 20 tons and change.

All those cars have the benefit of a certain cachet/style that no one gives the benefit of to GM.

spikenard (#3,522)

But does any of that matter when you see one of these:

http://media.nextautos.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/pinkhummerhl.jpg

navigating the rough terrain of the Mall's parking lot?

Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
Smells like a steak, and seats thirty five?
Canyonero! Canyonero!

josh_speed (#97)

This could not possibly have happened at a better time. Unless of course it had never happened at all, the car that is.

HiredGoons (#603)

But what about hummer limos? What are teenagers in New Jersey to do on PROM NIGHT!?!?!?

myfanwy (#1,124)

Same thing they do every night?

HiredGoons (#603)

get preggers?

nicole (#2,443)

try to take over the world…

spikenard (#3,522)

The developing world ambassador who arrives at the embassy I work across every day is driven around in a bubblegum pink, stretched Hummer. He turns up usually around 3 in the afternoon, honking furiously at small children from the local kindergarten to get out of his way, and then escapes inside with at least 5 bags of McDonalds at a time. One time I saw him in an upstairs window, lost in his daydreams, smoking cigarettes one after the other in quick succession and dropping them on the people walking by below without a care in the world.

Mindpowered (#948)

To or from?

The behaviour would be more appropriate for a "To".

spikenard (#3,522)

Oops, I made a stupid error – I meant to reply to you. Yes, it's to.

spikenard (#3,522)

Yup – to.

bshep (#746)

This is all well and good, but that Happy Jack Hummer ad from a few years back is still the coolest thing ever.

I was always partial to the Fischerspooner version.

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