Knifecrime Island Braces For Cutting-Edge American Blade Technology
To Britain, where the penchant for stabbing is about to get a whole lot more exciting due to those innovative chaps from across the pond: "Senior police officers have been warned to look out for a new knife which can inject a ball of compressed gas into its victim that instantly freezes internal organs. The 'wasp knife', which can deliver a ball of compressed gas capable of killing its victim at the press of a button, may be heading for Britain, the Metropolitan Police fear. A needle in the tip of the blade shoots out the frozen ball of gas which instantly balloons to the size of a basketball, freezing organs. The Metropolitan Police have told colleagues in the West Midlands to be on the lookout for the blade, which is designed to kill sharks and bears." Knives! Bears! My work here is finished!
Catholics, watch out.
why is everyone laughing at this?
so, is it funny that someone could come up and stick me from behind and i would be filled with a weird substance that would make me explode?
wait…
The culinary possibilities are so exciting! Somebody needs to give Heston Blumenthal one of these.
Be on the lookout for dodgy blokes wearing rubber raincoats and splash visors.
I am not worried as much about the freezing of organs, rather that my backside will start shooting intestine-confetti.
I know, same difference: dead is dead, but I would like to retain some dignity.
Yeah, we have a word for what they're describing. That word is "explosion." Then again, we also have a word for things british newspapers don't understand, and that word is "science."
Gallagher is nervous.
I laughed
Fuckin awesome knife.
"Damn- ok we need another Bear tester. Let's increase the gas casnister pressure this time."
Internet Science says that if one farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas would be produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. As Britons have been ejecting compressed gas via curries for years, that's not progress in the air–they've trumped us!
For all my girls out there who take longer to get a joke.
What the hell did the sharks and bears do to deserve having their organs frozen by this awful thing? I even felt sorry for the fucking watermelon.
Um, someone call Diana Rigg NOW.
At their website I learned that Tactical Knives Magazine survives in a market where Gourmet does not. I don't know why I'm always surprised by how narrow a niche audience can be (Are readers turned off by the non-tactical knife coverage of All Kindsa Knives magazine?), but I am.
BTW, people who buy Tactical Knives Magazine also buy Working Mother magazine. Working mothers do have a great need for tactical knives, what with all the multitasking and bear attacks.
What a waste of a watermelon :(
I just hope there wasn't vodka in it.
I'm just excited that we're finally getting our bear- and shark-killing devices straight from crappy Alien ripoff movies.
Time was when Knifecrime Island had its own innovative knife industry and we could have come up with this one all on our own. Now we have to import it from Gun Continent. Sigh…