Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

I Don't Care About Your Band Name

There are band names everywhere you look!There are not enough band names to go around! So says the Wall Street Journal, which notes that

The last decade's digital revolution not only transformed the way people listen to music, it changed the way bands establish identities. In the past, identically named acts often carved out livings in separate regions, oblivious or indifferent to one another. Now, it takes only moments for a musician to create an online profile and upload songs, which can potentially reach listeners around the world.

Lawyers say that has raised the stakes in trademark disputes, which almost always hinge on which band first used the name commercially, and where.

This seems remarkably unlikely to me. I mean, how hard is it to come up with a unique band name? Armed with only Google, a rhyming dictionary, and an urgency to get a post done, I challenged myself to come up with ten new group monikers for which there were no registered alternatives. It took three minutes. Granted, you might not have the same topical knowledge of current events or remarkable ear for what makes a great name as I do, but, really, with a little effort you too can find the perfect identity for your little music combo. Watch and learn.

Hello Kitty Episiotomy
Tweet a Bag of Dicks
Autistic Rectum Disorder
Big Black Bodyman
Chooch of the Redeemer
Chris Farley Lego Rock Band
The Dubai Assassins
Ninja Culinary Academy
Timmy and the Tumbltards*

See? It's that simple! In fact, if you want any of these, grab 'em up now. Just send me some of the t-shirt money when you hit the big time.

*Joke about Tumblr taking this name back from you goes here.

23 Comments / Post A Comment

sigerson (#179)

Did you know that "Better than Ezra" is the name of a band that lost the name trademark dispute with another band called Ezra? I love that story.

Multiphasic (#411)

The old SF group Engine 88 took that name after calling themselves Engine and receiving 87 cease-and-desist letters.

Abe Sauer (#148)

See also: ("The London") Suede

dado (#102)

You forgot "Cat Butt" and "Sandy Duncan's Eye".

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

One of my favorite young punk bands here in Chicago is the Shit Heads … they are in a huge trademark dispute with another band in England right now.

sigerson (#179)

Real punk bands don't fucking care about your "intellectual property".

I am bummed that Swollen Member is already taken, but I am still gonna use it for my loan out company when I hit it big.

I love umlauts. Gives any name extra cred.

Matt (#26)

Oh wow. You are just asking Steve Albini to write a really long and mean spirited piece about how much one of those bands sucks (which will then be faxed to a 'zine). Also, Catherine and the Disliked.

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

What band has Steve Albini NOT said sucked?

brianvan (#149)

"Sorry About Your Mind" would be a GREAT band name. In the 90's punk scene. Maybe it could be a retro thing? Or a cover band?

Matt (#26)

I think he finally ended up admitting that Nirvana was "just okay."

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

Nirvana just ripped off Die Kreuzen. They were less than okay.

NinetyNine (#98)

Needs more Shirley Temple's Pussy

FTW: Traci Lord's Ex-Lovers. Famous at SUNY Purchase in the mid-80's (or so old people tell me….)

I'm pretty sure Jim Carrey & Jenny McCarthy must already have dibs on Autistic Rectum Disorder, no?

brent_cox (#40)

Sanrio would say that the first one would not qualify as free to use.

Not to tweet a bag of dicks or anything.

I could have sworn Bea Arthur's Dick was already taken (rest her soul).

bshep (#746)

I believe that if you insert "whale" into each of these names, they are all taken. Although I heard that Tweet a Bag of Whale Dicks is not half bad.

I liked Ass Destroyer.

lbf (#2,343)

I got 2 bands, "Bear Wolf Something" and "Oh! Yeah! Exclamations! Oh! Yeah! Repetitions!". For my solo hip-hop project I go by "Lil Dude".

Jetpacks (#2,220)

Ummm….with CD art mock-ups as well.

lawyergay (#220)

Vile Jelly
Rocktopus (First album: "A Rocktopus's Garden")
Organization of Love Exporting Countries (O.L.E.C.)
Geronimo's Ocean
Cherry 3.14
Madonnasaurus Rex
The Plural Nouns
Neato Cheeto
Shania Twinge
Max and the Illofacials

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